Tips for EMS Families
1) Being a partner of an EMS provider makes your life different from other people in our society because of the nature of the work. It is often more of a challenge to keep an EMS family functioning in a 9 – 5 society.
2) When an EMS provider is exposed to a critical incident, it not only affects him/her but the EMS provider’s family. This naturally creates stress and tension in the home. Families see the news, read the paper and hear rumors about the incident, like the rest of the world. What makes it different for them is that their “loved one” was there. This causes worry and concern and people respond to these fears in different ways. Family members may urge the EMS provider to quit their job out of fear, this may upset him/her and cause a shut down of communication. There is help available and there are things that the family can do to help ease this tension and stress.
3) Keep in mind that after an incident, every news report on TV, the paper or radio can cause emotional discomfort for the person who was at the incident. The anniversary of the event can also bring back emotion and mood changes.
4) It is not recommended that a person be pushed into talking about the event or their feelings. Sometimes people just need to be with other people who had the same experience, to share their story or just listen. Don’t take this as an insult. As a family member, offer to talk about it with your partner and regardless of his/her answer, leave the door open for future communication.
5) Men and women often express distress and grief differently. These coping styles are not gender specific, but we tend to see these patterns. Men often choose to work their stress away (i.e., working overtime, rebuilding an engine), they often want to avoid talking about their feelings too much. Women often feel better when they talk about their concerns and may want to tell the story over and over. One is not better than the other, they are just different.
DO NOT TRY TO FORCE YOUR COPING STYLE ONTO YOUR PARTNER! What works for you may not be helpful to him/her. One helpful question to ask could be, “What can I do that would be helpful to you right now?” Then try to follow through with that request, if reasonable.
6) Try to normalize life at home. Do things like keep a daily routine with meals, schedules, night time rituals with kids, etc… Make home a happy place to be. Home is where the meaning of his/her life is put into perspective. Reassure your partner that he/she is loved and cared about.
7) You may notice initially after a stressful event, that your partner demonstrates changes in eating, sleeping, or sexual interest. This should soon pass, and he/she should return to his/her regular level of activity. If you have concern about this, you should seek assistance from your family physician or a licensed therapist, familiar with critical incident stress management.
8) Take care of your self. You did not cause this reaction in your partner. The best thing that you can do is to maintain a routine, offer love and support, listen to your partner vent or not vent. Find someone to whom you can talk to about your frustration with this reaction, instead of reminding your partner that you are frustrated by his/her reaction. Social support is really helpful.
9) EMS providers do not usually like to share the details of an event with their families. This is probably a good idea for many reasons. However, it is important to let their families or partners know that the reason that he/she is upset is because he/she had a rough call or a difficult day. This could prevent the family from feeling like they caused the mood that the person is in. Often families will internalize the mood or believe things like, “he/she must not love me any more” or “daddy/mommy is mad at me for some reason, I must have been bad”. If the family is aware that the day was rough at work, and the person just needs some time to work it through, then family life can remain intact.
3/18/04
This brochure was developed by Sheila G. Roth, Ph.D. QCSW, for the City of Pittsburgh, Bureau of EMS.
Tips for
EMS
Families