Revised 2/17/11
A Christian Wedding
Not all weddings are alike and a Christian wedding is a special type of wedding set apart from both a civil ceremony and a non-Christian ceremony. Couples who clearly want their marriage to be set within the context of the Christian faith and its ministers should only plan a Christian wedding. Since the vows, hymns, prayers, readings, etc. in a Christian wedding are explicitly Christian, couples should give great care in making this decision. After considering all that it implies, many couples do decide that they want their marriage to begin with a Christian wedding. Having made this important decision, one should keep the Christian nature of the wedding in mind throughout all the planning since this understanding gives possibilities, guidelines, and boundaries within which the wedding should be planned.
A Christian wedding is first and foremost a service of worship, and one should think of the wedding as worship throughout. Consequently, all elements (music, readings, etc…) should be appropriate for a service of worship as well as consistent with Christian values.
The Christian marriage rite is a form of celebrating God’s good news. Established by God in scripture, Christian marriage is a lifelong covenant relationship between two persons. This union is based on the Christ—the greatest sign of love and unity. Christ becomes the bond of unity when the couple centers their lives on Christ. The couple encounters the Risen Savior daily in their lives as they express their love to each other.
The Christian wedding is an act of serving God and proclaiming the establishment of a new family within the household of faith in Jesus Christ.
First United Methodist Church of Ames was organized and exists to bear witness to Jesus Christ. In accomplishing this witness, the congregation provides a wide variety of ministries designed to be a significant service to all that desire to participate. We hope that you will consider joining in worship with us, especially if you are going to be making your home in this area. We certainly pray that as newlyweds you will find a church home to nurture and grow your faith and service as Christian disciples.
Planning Your Wedding at First United Methodist Church
This booklet is written in order that you may understand our wedding policies and procedures at the First United Methodist Church. It is to be seen as an aid to assist you in making your wedding a meaningful and joyous celebration.
Please read this material carefully and bring it with you to your meetings with the pastor, and, as needed, the wedding reception chairperson of the United Methodist Women.
The service of Christian Marriage is parallel in its structure to the Sunday service with the proclamation of the Word and prayers and praises. The Service of Christian Marriage is proclaimed as a sacred covenant reflecting the Baptismal Covenant. Everything about the service is designed to witness that this is a Christian marriage.
Both words and actions consistently reflect the belief that husband and wife are equal partners in Christian marriage and that they are entering into the marriage of their own volition.
Those present at this service are to be understood to be an active congregation rather than simply passive witnesses. They give their blessing to the couple and to the marriage, and they join in prayer and praise. It is highly appropriate that the congregation sings hymns and is involved in other acts of worship.
Holy Communion may be celebrated. If it is, it is important that its significance is made clear. Not only the husband and wife but also the whole congregation is invited to receive communion. There should be no pressure that would embarrass those who for whatever reason do not choose to receive this sacrament.
The decision to perform the ceremony is the right and responsibility of the pastor in accordance with the laws of the state and the United Methodist Church. The pastor should approve all plans. The pastors “due counsel with the parties involved” prior to marriage, mandated by THE BOOK OF DISCIPLINE, should include the following: in addition to premarital counseling, discussing and planning the service with them and informing them of policies and guidelines established by the congregation on such matters as decorations, photography, and audio or video recording. Any leadership roles taken by other clergy should be at the invitation of the pastor of the church where the service is held. When using the church organist, she/he needs to be consulted and working with the couple in decisions on music selections.
Any children of the man or the woman, other family members, and friends of the couple may take a variety of roles in the service, depending on their ages and abilities. They may, for example, be members of the wedding party, read scripture lessons, sing or play instrumental music, or make a witness in their own words.
In the case of couples who are not church members or who are not prepared to make the Christian commitment expressed in this service, adaptations may be made at the discretion of the pastor.
A Wedding Message
Paul Tournier writes in his book, To Understand Each Other, “a couple’s joy is complete IF they can see the REAL and SPIRITUAL MEANING of their experience.”
For instance, you well know that beautiful prayer of Francis of Assisi: “Lord, grant that I may seek more to understand than to be understood…”
It is this new desire of understanding which the Holy Spirit awakens in couples that transforms their marriage. Remember---your failure to understand and your lack of willingness to seek understanding will result in withdrawal into self-centeredness.
Happy are the couples who do recognize and understand that their happiness is a gift of God, who can kneel together to express their innermost convictions, their own experiences, their own doubts, their own feelings and their own relationship to God.
Your relationship to God is the highest tie uniting a couple. You will want to experience all things that will enable you to grow together in God. You will come to understand each other and grow in your relationship to God.
Your growth together in God is possible through your love for each other! If, then, God remains the center of your life and marriage, you will have harmonized your lives with God’s purpose for you. Then, and only then, you will have come through each other, to experience and know God.
When Love Is Found
(Wedding hymn by Brian Wren, 1978)
When love is found and hope comes home, sing and be glad that two are one. When love explodes and fills the sky, praise God and share our Maker’s joy.
When love has flowered in trust and care, build both each day, that love may dare to reach beyond home’s warmth and light, to service and strive for truth and right.
When love is tried as loved ones change, hold still to hope though all seems strange, till ease returns, and love grows wise through listening ears and opened eyes.
When love is torn and trust betrayed pray strength to love till torment fade, till lovers keep no score of wrong, but hear through pain love’s Easter song.
Praise God for love, praise God for life, in age or youth, in husband, wife. Lift up your hearts, let love be fed through death and life in broken bread.
First Appointments and Arrangements
When you have decided to be married, you should do the following as soon as possible:
1. Call the church at (515-232-2750) and clear with the Secretary/Receptionist, the date, time and place of your wedding and rehearsal. The secretary will reserve the date and inform the pastor. The pastor will call you to set up your first meeting with him/her.
2. Call the church organist immediately to reserve the date and to make an appointment for a conference to plan the music.
3. If your reception is to be held at the church, make all arrangements with the secretary. She will acquaint you with the facilities that are available and give you the name of a contact person for the UM Women.
The Minister
It is expected that the prospective bride and groom will counsel with the pastor concerning their readiness for marriage, the meaning of the wedding rite, and arrangements for that service of worship. Typically, two or three meetings will happen. The pastoral team at FUMC will work together and will be assigned weddings as their schedules allow.
You are welcome to visit with our pastor about having a guest pastor co - officiate at your service but it must be understood that one of our pastors here at FUMC will be the primary pastoral leader and that the United Methodist disciplines will be used. Guest pastors may read scripture lesson(s), offer a prayer(s), preach a message, etc., all to work with our church’s pastor. If you would like to have a guest pastor involved, the invitation needs to be extended to that person by both the bridal couple and by the pastor in charge of your wedding here at FUMC. Please bring the information needed to the church if you are going to have a co - officiant.
If you wish a minister (and spouse/guest) to attend the rehearsal dinner or the reception, it is appropriate to send them an invitation or invite them personally. Please know that oftentimes a pastor will have other duties and responsibilities and may not be able to attend some functions. It is best to always visit with them about their schedule.
General Rules
1. The preferred time for weddings is between 2:00 pm and 3:00 pm. We have a Saturday night contemporary worship service at 5:30 pm in the sanctuary, which involves having equipment set up by 4:30 pm.
2. The preferred time for the rehearsal is the night prior to the wedding at 5:00 pm or earlier.
3. Furniture, pianos, and other equipment will not be moved except as approved by the minister.
4. No rice, confetti or other such items shall be thrown in the building. Please tell your friends! We suggest birdseed or flower petals to be thrown outside. Bubbles are always fun!
5. Smoking (along with alcohol) is PROHIBITED on church grounds or in the building, including restrooms, in order to abide by our fire code!
6. The wedding is a happy occasion and is to be celebrated in a joyous and reverent manner. Alcoholic beverages have no place in connection with any part of the wedding service and are not allowed on church property. It is the responsibility of the bridal couple and/or their immediate family and ushers to remove any person(s) who appear at the wedding rehearsal and/or wedding in a state of inebriation.
Measurements
The center aisle is 55’ long by 5’ wide. Aisle cloths are NOT recommended.
There are 14 pews on each side of this aisle, each pew seats approximately 10 people.
There are 7 pews on the sides, each seating approximately 7 people.
The Selection of Music
All the forms of art are used in a wedding ceremony. Jesus taught us to praise and glorify our God, and to “love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength.”
Therefore, when choosing music for your wedding, a few thoughts should be kept in mind. First, since your wedding is being held in the church, the music you use ought to be justifiably suitable or appropriate for a worship service. It ought to reflect the same dignity and reverence as the spoken ceremony. The sacred and classical music of past centuries-- and of the present day--- embodies both dignity and adoration for God and allows the worshippers to join in the community of the church through the spirit of Jesus Christ.
However, many of us are not very familiar with music which falls into this category. Through radio, television, recordings and the movie industry, we are more likely to be familiar with music of the “popular” or secular variety. Naturally, we feel that our favorite love songs would be touching and meaningful in our wedding ceremony. Yet, most of them do not reflect or refer to God and God’s part in the beginning and ongoing of married life. These “popular” songs would be far more suitable in a reception-type setting.
You needn’t feel trapped by being “limited” to sacred and classical music. There are many beautiful, light, and happy compositions, some written especially for weddings, which are very satisfactory. The music staff/pastors of the church will be helpful in making suggestions to you regarding processional and recessional music, as well as all other service music for the wedding. Some of the new wedding hymns in our hymnal are wonderful for congregational singing and for solos.
Secondly, if choosing a soloist, please keep the following thoughts in mind. Whether your soloist is a close friend, or a relative, a professional or an amateur, will the songs you choose be suitable for the person’s voice range and type? Does the person in consideration have the necessary experience to assure a good performance? The church music/pastoral staff will be able to assist you in making choices regarding the soloist’s music. If you are considering using instruments such as trumpet, flute, etc. the staff will be able to make suggestions for appropriate music. Please let your soloist know that he/she is expected to be at the wedding rehearsal.
You should expect to pay the musicians performing at your wedding unless they are friends who are truly “gifting” you with the gift of song. You will see the fee for using our church organist. This fee includes the ceremony, wedding rehearsal, one consultation on wedding music, and one rehearsal with soloists. If you prefer to have an organist other than those on the church staff, please visit the pastor at your first appointment. We do want to be sure any outside organist is qualified to play the instrument (pipe organ) that we have in our church.