Name
Mrs. Spradling
English II Pre AP Period ____
November 7, 2012
Revising and Color Coding Editing for Lord of the Flies Expository Essay
Revisions – Answer these questions on a sheet of notebook paper. For any “no’s” make corrections adding these things to your paper.
1. Have you begun your paper with a “hook” that will set your paper apart from others?
2. Highlight Sanchez’s quote and his name in your introductory paragraph in yellow. Have you made sure to tie the quote to the rest of your paragraph in a skillful manner?
3. Have you skillfully transitioned from your hook and quote to your thesis?
4. Highlight your thesis in blue. Have you included the three points you are going to discuss in your thesis? Number these with your red pen.
5. Is your introduction paragraph at least 4 sentences long?
6. Highlight your topic sentences in each body paragraph in blue. Does the order of these match the numbers of the points in your thesis? Do these tie back to your thesis?
7. Have you thoroughly explained how your examples relate to your thesis?
8. Have you ended your body paragraphs with conclusion sentences that restate the idea of
Your topic sentences and leads into your next body paragraph? Highlight these in blue.
9. Are your body paragraphs at least 7 sentences long?
10. Do you have a conclusion sentence of at least 2 sentences? Have you restated your thesis idea in this paragraph? Highlight this in yellow.
Editing
1. Highlight your heading in purple. Make it match the one on this page.
2. Highlight your original title in orange. Make sure it is not underlined; it is not in quotation marks; it is not in italics; it is not in a different font. Is your title original and appropriate?
3. Check your margins. They should be 1inch on all four sides.
4. Check your font. Is it Times New Roman 12pt.? Have you typed in black ink?
5. Is your paper double spaced all the way through? There should be no exceptions.
6. Write the first word of each sentence in the left-hand margin in red pen. Make sure your sentence beginnings are not redundant. Look on my website for hints on how to vary these.
7. Underline sentences in alternating colors (ex. red and green)
a. Check for sentence length; if all sentences are of the same length, this needs to
vary.
b. Read all of the sentences of one color. Make sure they are complete sentences (no fragments). Make sure there are not run-ons. Read all of the sentences of the second color checking again for fragments and run-ons.
8. Circle all “to be” verbs with your red pen (is, am, are, was, were, be, being, been).
Count them. Write the number in the upper right hand corner (large). Now you must get rid of all but three of these. Below are methods for doing this.
- You may leave the verb untouched because changing it would diminish the composition.
- You may change the verb to a livelier verb.
He is my friend even today.
He remains my friend even today.
- You may change the verb from a passive construction to an active one.
The cake was baked by Susan.
Susan baked the cake.
- This is a weak sentence. You may drastically revise or omit it completely. This may be a good spot for some sentence combining.
9. Look for repeated phrases or ideas. These weaken your paper. Reword these sentences.
10. Highlight your forbidden words in green. Edit to rid your paper of these words.
A lot Definitely Kind of Sort of
Actually Essentially Like Stuff
Always Feel Lots Thing(s)
Bad Generally Obviously Totally
Basically Get/got Really Used to
Big Good Some Well
Cool Great So
Definitely
11. X out in red any first person (I, me, my, mine, we, us, our, ours) in all paragraphs except the
one about your personal experience. X out in red and second person pronouns (you, your, yours) in your paper.
12. Highlight in pink transition words and phrases that tie your idea together.
Examples: Also Likewise Thereupon Hence
Again Moreover Wherefore For example
As well as Similarly Accordingly For instance
Besides So then As a result Finally
Coupled with Subsequently Consequently In this case
Furthermore Therefore For this reason Indeed
In addition Thus For this purpose To demonstrate
13. Read your final version of the paper aloud and see if it makes sense. Also, have someone else read your paper for clarity. Decide whether their suggestions will improve your paper.
14. Your final typed essay is due to turnitin.com by 11:59 p.m. Sunday night, November 11. Your hard copy is due in class on Monday, November 12 with your prewriting, handwritten draft and typed draft. Your preliminary work should be stapled separately from your final copy.