Sensibly, Righteously, Godly in This Present Age

Pornography: How do we Parent?

‘Sensibly, righteously, godly in this present age’

Titus 2:11-15

“Chastity includes an apprenticeship in self-mastery which is a training in human freedom. The alternative is clear: either man governs his passions and finds peace, or he lets himself be dominated by them and becomes unhappy. ‘Man’s dignity therefore requires him to act out of conscious and free choice, as moved and drawn in a personal way from within, and not by blind impulses in himself or by mere external constraint. Man gains such dignity when, ridding himself of all slavery to the passions, he presses forward to his goal by freely choosing what is good and, by his diligence and skill, effectively secures for himself the means suited to this end.’” CCC 2339

I. Introduction

A.Not bashing technology and media

i.Acts 10:9

B.Pornography is now a “normal” part of many people’s Lives

i.The need to bring it to light

ii.Some stats

C.No one needs convincing or scaring that this is bad

i.fightthenewdrug.com

D.Not about putting up the right fence

i.Covenant Eyes

ii.Untethered smartphones

E.Instead: “How do we walk WITH our children through these difficulties?”

F.Generational difference

i. Abe’s experience

G.The question: “How do we remain WITH them to guide them through this treacherous terrain?”, NOT “How do we keep them from it?”

II. The Problem: Not Pornography
I am God’s Child (John 1:12)

I am Christ’s Friend (John 15:15)

I Have been Justified (Rom. 5:1)

I have been bought with a price,

I belong to God. (1 Cor. 6:19-20)

I am a member of Christ’s Body (1 Cor. 12 :27)

I have been adopted as God’s child (Eph. 1:5)

I have direct access to God through the Holy Spirit (Eph. 2:18)

I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins (Col. 1:14)

I am complete in Christ (Col. 2:10)

I am free forever from condemnation. (Rom. 8:1-2)

I am assured that all things work together for good (Rom. 8:28)

I am free from any condemning charges against me (Rom. 8:31-34)

I cannot be separated from the love of God (Rom. 8:35-9)

I have been established, anointed, and sealed by God (2 Cor 1:21-2)

I am hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:3)

I am confident that the good work God has begun in me will be perfected (Philippians 1:6)

I am a citizen of heaven (Phil 3:20)

I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. (2 Tim 1:7)

I can find grace and mercy in time of need

(Heb. 4:15-16)

I am born of God, and the evil one cannot touch me (1 John 5:18)

I am the salt and the light of the earth (Mat. 5:13-14)

I am a branch of the true vine, a channel of his life. (John 15:1, 5)

I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit

(John 15:16)

I am a personal witness of Christ’s (Acts 1:8)

I am God’s temple (1 Cor. 3: 16)

I am a minister of reconciliation for God (2 Cor. 5:17-21)

I am God’s co-worker (2 Cor. 6:1)

I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realm (Eph. 2: 6)

I am God’s workmanship (Eph. 2:10)

I may approach God with freedom and confidence (Eph. 3:12)

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13)

III. Parents need to be honest about their own struggle in this area, and face it in their own lives. If not, the message sent to children will be mixed.

A. Part of our training is our example.

B. Coming clean individually.

C. Coming clean as a couple.

D. We need to forgive ourselves and each other for mistakes made as parents.

E. The importance of loving our spouse well.

IV. We as fathers are supposed to be the gate-keepers in the home.

A. We need to establish some non-negotiables.

B. Building relational collateral with your child.

V. The importance of a strong, warm, home environment.

A. What activities create an attractive environment?

ii.

iii.

iv.

vi.

B. Do things together, don’t just watch things.

C. We as parents need to give grace and affection to our children.

i. Creating warm, open relationships where you can talk about sexuality.

ii. Are you afraid of your children?

iii. Peer pressure.

VI. We do need to model and teach doing the good - habits.

A. Neurons that fire together wire together.

B. Repeated exposure to pornography can create automatic firing - addiction.

VII. Identity

A. How/What is attacked when someone sins in this way

i. Shame, Condemnation, Lies

B. What can we do?

i. “Not to speak is to speak. Not to act is to act.” (Bonhoeffer)

ii. NEVER condemnation and shame

iii. How to have the conversation

a.If you don’t know

b.If you do know

iv. Always speak Truth and encourage

v. Power of Prayer

vi. This is Warrior Training

Quotes:

“Self-mastery is a long and exacting work. One can never consider it acquired once and for all. It presupposes renewed effort at all stages of life. The effort required can be more intense in certain periods, such as when the personality is being formed during childhood and adolescence.” CCC 2342

Elements of self-mastery. This is where the wider community is a blessing, small group leader, positive peer pressure...you can have no freedom without self-mastery.

“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation to all men, instructing us to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age, looking for the blessed hope and the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Christ Jesus, who gave Himself for us to redeem us from every lawless deed, and to purify for Himself a people for His own possession, zealous for good deeds. These things speak and exhort and reprove with all authority. Let no one disregard you.” Titus‬2:11-15‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬

“The Ten Commandments don't enslave us to God: They free us from false masters and allow us to find our way to our true end. They were not meant to keep us in line so much as they were meant to keep us out of danger.” - Pope Francis

“There are two guarantees of a wise rule of conduct: the thought before action, and self-command afterward.” - Saint Ignatius

“Being in the image and likeness of God the human person possesses the dignity of a person, who is not just something, but someone. He is capable of self-knowledge, of self-possession and of freely giving himself and entering into communion with other person.” CCC # 357 (Genesis 1.26-27)

“Let this be written for ages to come *

that a people yet unborn may praise the Lord;

for the Lord leaned down from his sanctuary on high. *

He looked down from heaven to the earth

that he might hear the groans of the prisoners *

and free those condemned to die.

The sons of your servants shall dwell untroubled *

and their race shall endure before you

that the name of the Lord may be proclaimed in Zion *

and his praise in the heart of Jerusalem,

when peoples and kingdoms are gathered together *

to pay their homage to the Lord.” Psalm 102 18-22

“Whoever has already bathed needs only to wash his feet, and he will be completely clean.” John 13:10 (scrupulosity)

“From on high he reached down and seized me; *

he drew me forth from the mighty waters.

He snatched me from my powerful foe, *

from my enemies whose strength I could not match.

They assailed me in the day of my misfortune, *

but the Lord was my support.

He brought me forth into freedom, *

he saved me because he loved me.” Ps 18

Though I have had to speak at some length about sex, I want to make it as clear as I possibly can that the center of Christian morality is not here. If anyone thinks that Christians regard unchastity as the supreme vice, he is quite wrong. The sins of the flesh are bad, but they are the least bad of all sins.Mere ChristianityCS Lewis

Issues raised in: Girls on the EdgeLeonard Sax

Problem: Perfectionism can lead to obsessions. (looks, athletics, academics etc) I think porn plays a big role in making girls think they need to be a PERFECT somebody.

Solution: help your child develop a sense of self rooted in truth that what they produce isn't who they are. They are of value-have dignity. They are cherished by you and attaining virtue is a life long process. “When perfectionism is driving, shame is nearly always riding shotgun.”

Problem: Not really understanding that sexualization and sexuality are different. The first objectifies, and the other is a God given gift.

Solution: Help normalize desires, sexuality, and unpack the abstract notion that “sex is beautiful.” What the heck does that mean? Dads giving daughters good genuine physical touch is really important.

Younger girls problem: Fashion and looks being more important than being comfortable as a girl.

Solution: By elementary school, many girls are embarrassed to wear tennis shoes to school, preferring fashion boots or flats instead. This changes girls’ developmental courses and tasks when they are no longer able to run, jump, and play at recess as they might if they were dressed to engage rather than to be fashionable.

Older girls problem:Dressing in more exposed ways has been shown to diminish a girl’s performance on academic measures even when she is entirely alone with no observers. Self-objectification is as much a problem as girls being objectified by boys or society at large.

Solution: help girls understand that what they wear impacts how they act and feel. Help them BELIEVE that their fashion is not the most important thing.

Problem: Instant continual texting with another has a high risk of emotional immodesty.

Solution: Encourage real relationships in a social context and discourage excessive and late night texting and instagraming when we all should be sleeping.

Problem: world of peers: Girls today have more freedom and choices but less guidance than any generation in history.

Solution: Build a Multigenerational Community of Women -Find a way to make it cool to spend time with women that are not same-aged peers. With positive women showing interest a girl’s life, she is provided with greater wisdom and resilience in navigating her life’s course.

Strong Fathers Strong Daughters - Meg Meeker

Girls on the Edge - Leonard Sax

Straight Talk to Kids About Sex - Josh McDowell