“Slowing Down the Moment”
A Lesson in Revision
David Ambrose and Eric Esner
Medford High School English Department
Tell students that today’s lesson will focus on revising their personal narratives and short stories. Explain that sometimes they move too swiftly through the scenes of their stories, because they already know all of the details in their heads. Tell them that it is important to slow down the moment to share these details with the reader.
Opener: Big Fish
Cue up the scene from Big Fish in which the narrator meets the love of his life. Have students note how the director “slows down the moment” to demonstrate the significance of the scene. Ask students what the director does to focus our attention in the scene. Past answers from students include the following: freezes everything, puts a spotlight on the girl, builds suspense by having the character walk through obstacles, speeding up the scene to provide contrast, narration.
Examples from Stories We’ve Read
Ask students to provide examples of descriptive scenes from stories we’ve read when the moment is slowed. Read and/or discuss these examples. Past answers from students include the following: when the girls enter the store in “A & P,” when Dee arrives home in “Everyday Use,” when we meet the Cullens in Twilight, when the barn burns in “Trying to Save Piggy Sneed,” when anything is described in a Victorian novel (ha!).
Journal
Have the students select a piece of writing they would like to workshop. In the “Snapshots” short story unit, they might choose from the following: snapshot story, artifact story, girl/boy story, coming-of-age story, memoir, crazy family story. Have students select a scene that is significant to the story that they did not describe fully. Have them write for 10 minutes in their journal to “slow the moment” by describing the details in a way that is truly “cinematic” and filled with imagery.
Peer Revision
Have students meet with a partner to do peer revision of the piece they have just workshopped. Provide these three areas of focus:
1. Slow down the moment
2. Craft an ending that “comes full circle”
3. Turn your state-of-being verbs and helping verbs (is, was, has, etc.) into active verbs
Your Memoir and Rubric
Read an excerpt from a piece that you have workshopped. (I usually read something from “Little Big Man,” which I wrote in college about my dad.) Discuss the ways you have tried to improve your writing. Distribute rubric from short story/personal narrative.
"A & P" - when girls go into the grocery store
Assignment:
Workshop your piece of writing into a 2-3 page typed essay suitable to be used as a college essay. (Provide students a reasonable due date for this.)