Bar News - September 20, 2002
A Young Attorney's Legacy is a Lesson for Troubled Lawyers
By: Lisa Sandford & Dan Wise
The death of attorney Mark Rumley underscores the need for troubled attorneys to realize they need not struggle alone.
ONE OF THE many tragedies of the recent sudden death of Mark Rumley, a well-liked young Londonderry criminal defense attorney and father of five, is that Rumley apparently felt he had nowhere to turn in his time of despair. It is a sad irony that the 39-year-old Rumley, remembered by many colleagues for his willingness to help others, did not reach out for help when he needed it.
Rumley was found dead in Hopkinton on Aug. 5, 2002. (See Bar News of Sept. 6, 2002 for In Memoriam).
Friends and colleagues of Rumley say that he didn't show signs of depression or excessive stress in the days or weeks before his death. "I was unaware of any problem," said Salem District Court Judge John Korbey, who had known Rumley since 1989 and considered him a friend. Right after Rumley passed the NH Bar in 1989, he talked to Korbey, then an attorney, about joining Korbey's law firm as a criminal attorney. Because Korbey was a part-time judge in Auburn District Court at the time, he couldn't take Rumley on as an associate practicing criminal law because of the conflict, he said. "So I encouraged him to open his own office. I told him there was a need for a criminal law office in the Derry/Londonderry area," said Korbey. The two remained friends from that point on.
Korbey described Rumley as "young, ambitious and energetic."
"I was taken aback by the number of lawyers and judges who showed up at his funeral. So many in the legal community respected and liked him," said Korbey.
Attorney Paul J. Garrity, also a criminal defense attorney in Londonderry, shared office space with Rumley since 1991. Like Korbey, he was unaware of any problems that his friend and colleague was facing. "Before I left for vacation in July, he was his typical self - upbeat. He was a real yacker, he loved to talk," said Garrity. He said he did notice that Rumley was a bit quieter than usual the week before his death, and was "not his usual self. But whatever issues he had, he kept them well hidden," Garrity said. "He had a huge clientele and seemed to be doing very well business-wise. He had a great family, five kids that he always talked about. I never knew there was a problem."
Attorneys who are quietly suffering from such problems as depression, excessive stress or substance abuse issues should know that there is help available. The NH Bar's Lawyers' Assistance Committee(LAC) and another New Hampshire group, Lawyers Concerned for Lawyers (LCL),which is not affiliated with the Bar, both offer free, confidential peer support and resources for attorneys who are dealing with drug or alcohol abuse, stress, depression or related illnesses.
The LAC has assisted attorneys in need for over 18 years. LAC members provide confidential help for Bar members, matching attorneys with professional or community resources or by making referrals to other attorneys who have experienced and successfully overcome similar problems. Attorneys seeking confidential, professional assistance may contact the LAC's HELPLINE, 24 hours a day, at (603) 224-6060. The telephone calls initially are answered by a mental health professional before being referred to a committee member.
"The committee offers non-judgmental support from colleagues in the profession who can listen, give dispassionate advice and point the way to other resources. It's confidential and not part of the discipline process for lawyers," said John E. Tobin, chair of the LAC and executive director of New Hampshire Legal Assistance. (LAC members are exempt from disclosing information they learn in the course of their work on behalf of the Committee, which they might otherwise be required to disclose under Professional Conduct Rule 8.3.)
When someone you know needs help
Sometimes, when someone does display obvious signs of needing help, court personnel or a colleague can anonymously call the LAC. Tobin said that over half of the calls the LAC gets are "third-party referrals" from attorneys, judges, court clerks and others concerned about a particular lawyer. In such cases, the LAC contacts the attorney directly to make him or her aware that others have recognized a problem and that there are resources available if the attorney wants help.
"Some people get upset initially that someone is talking about them, but after that, most are relieved that they now have someone to talk to. Few turn away from the help," said Tobin.
Lawyers Concerned for Lawyers (LCL) has no formal affiliation with the NH Bar, but the LAC often refers attorneys to LCL for peer support. The group holds a monthly meeting at the Manchester Country Club the first Tuesday of every month (except in summer). Members also may meet informally over coffee or lunch as the need arises.
Through LCL, lawyers have the opportunity to discuss concerns with attorneys and judges, many of whom have personally confronted substance abuse and mental health issues. No reservations are necessary to attend the meeting, and all Bar members are welcome. For additional information about LCL, call John at (603) 436-8035.
Like the LAC, most members come to LCL through third-party referrals from concerned colleagues. Although some individuals are not receptive to the idea at first, most lawyers often agree to meet with an LCL member if invited, according to NH Probate Court Administrative Judge John R. Maher, a long-time member of LCL. At that initial meeting, an LCL member close in age and from the same geographic area as the attorney meets with the lawyer to talk about the LCL member's issues, hoping the attorney will hear something he or she can relate to.
"You plant the seed and hope later they'll be able to open up themselves," said Maher. "LCL provides an ongoing network for lawyers and judges to talk to one another. Our meetings provide an opportunity for lawyers to talk and resolve issues."
Rumley was a member of LCL and Maher said he called upon him frequently to help other lawyers deal with their problems - something Maher said Rumley was very good at. "He was one of the best people in terms of sitting down to talk to other lawyers who were having difficulties," said Maher. "He was very good at being able to help others, but regrettably, he didn't seek that help for himself."
Maher said that Rumley hadn't attended an LCL meeting in several months. Members attributed that to the fact that he and his family had relocated to Sunapee from Bedford, making it more difficult for him to attend meetings.
"Mark had been coming to meetings for quite some time, but I had no idea of the intensity of the personal difficulties he was experiencing," said Maher.
Against the grain to ask for help?
Tobin and Maher pointed out that lawyers in particular have difficulty facing up to the fact that they need to turn to others for help.
"Lawyers tend to be competitive, independent and proud. They deal with a lot of conflict in their professional lives, so they have a hard time letting down their guard and asking for help," said Tobin.
"Folks who won't reach out are very sophisticated in how they put you off," Maher pointed out. "They often don't have the ability to be candid and vulnerable. Unfortunately, in these situations it's up to the person who is suffering to make the move. We can pick up the phone and ask them how they're doing, but if they don't want to tell us the truth, we won't really know."
Maher encourages lawyers to therefore be "vigilant of our neighbors" so that if an attorney appears to be having problems coping with personal issues, or is having unexplained professional difficulties, a concerned colleague can seek help confidentially -without triggering the discipline process. "Sometimes people get so low, they are unable to reach out themselves - that's how profound depression and anxiety are. We can only hope that someone close to that person can identify that pain," said Maher.
Korbey also encouraged attorneys who may be confronting mental health or substance abuse issues to turn to their colleagues for help or guidance, if not one of the lawyers' assistance groups. "There isn't a problem out there that can't be resolved somehow. You just need to knock on somebody's door - be it another lawyer, friend, judge or whoever - and they'll at least try to point you in the right direction to get help. I'd be happy to be of assistance and would respect the lawyer's privacy," said Korbey. "Nothing is so important that one member of the Bar can't put it aside to help a fellow Bar member."
"I'm not aware of a lawyer who'd shut you off if you went to him or her to talk about a problem," agreed Garrity.
"One of the beliefs of the LAC is that lawyers are a community, and one of the things a community does is take care of its members in the rough spots," said Tobin. Everybody hits rough spots; it's not always smooth sailing," he said.
Julie Rumley, who graciously provided the photograph which accompanies this article, said she hopes her husband's death will provide some good if the shock of that event leads at least one other troubled person to ask for help rather than to struggle on alone. Her husband, who had devoted so much energy to helping others, sadly did not seek help for himself.
WARNING SIGNS
- Neglect of appearance or health
- Unusual tiredness
- Drawing away from people, especially close friends
- Sleep problems- oversleeping, inability to stay asleep
- Sudden changes in eating habits
- Declines or problems in work performance
- Dropping out of activities
- Irritability or restlessness
- Preoccupation with themes of death
- Giving away of prized possessions
WAYS YOU CAN HELP
- Learn the warning signs.
- Get involved. Be available. Show interest and support.
- Ask if he or she is thinking about suicide. Be direct. Talk openly about suicide.
- Allow expression of feelings. Accept them; don't tell the person to feel better.
- Be non-judgmental. Don't debate whether suicide is right or wrong; don't lecture on he value of life.
- Don't give advice or make decisions for someone else.
- Don't ask why. This encourages defensiveness.
- Offer empathy, not sympathy.
- Don't act shocked. This will distance someone from you.
- Don't be sworn to secrecy. Don't promise not to tell anyone.
- Offer hope that alternatives are available, but do not offer glib reassurance. It only proves you don't understand.
- Take action. Remove means. Get help from persons or agencies specializing in crisis intervention or suicide prevention.
Materials provided by Riverbend Mental Health Services, which provides professional support to the Lawyers Assistance Committee and its HELPLINE at 603 224-6060.