Tongue Fu & Say This, Not That! ------Substitution Gambits

John Barkai

- Inside [ ] are ideas; not phrases to say

Lose This / Use This
But / And…,
Having said that …
However…
No, You can’t / Sure, as soon as…
Yes, right after…
You Should have …
You Shouldn’t have … / Next time…
From now on…
In the future…
You always,
You never, etc. / This is the Second time…
Last week …
I am not …
[Don’t defend yourself] / That’s interesting
Tell me more.
What do you mean?
Why do you say that?
What makes you think that?
Why do you think that?
[Don’t make excuses] / You are right! I’m sorry. I will …
You’ll have to…
You need to …
[Don’t order them] / Could you please …
If you would …
Would you like to …
There’s nothing I can do …
There’s no way I can help you. / I wish …
I hope…
I don’t know what you can do. / That’s a good question.
Let me ask …
[When they rant and rave] / [Take notes]
You’ll have to … / Please …
I can’t … / Here’s what I can do...
[No one can make you angry without your consent]
[Don’t take nasty people home with you]
[Graciously exit no-win disputes]
[Use Tongue Glue]
[Have Fun Fu phrases ready]
[Try a Fresh Start]
[unwanted solicitations] / It’s 5 pm now.
Calm down / I understand; I can help
I disagree / I see it differently
Doesn’t that make sense? / How does this Sound to you?
You said… / I heard -I understood...
What’s wrong with you?
What’s your problem? / What’s bothering you
What’s upsetting you?
No problem / You’re welcome. Thank you
No offense but …
Don’t take this the wrong way but...
I don’t mean to be rude but… / [Don’t offer advice this way.
Never use these phrases]
I need … / [put the real subject in]
The meeting…; The report…; Your focus …
What were you thinking?
How did you think that was going to make me feel?
What was going through your head?
Did you really think...?
Did you even stop to think...? / [Don’t use hostile questions]
We need to talk / I need your help
Who told you that?
We are out of … / You’re in luck!
You are not good enough
Why can’t you be more like...
You are stupid & incompetent.
I’m ashamed of you.
You’re a ___er. / [Never use these phrases]
I don’t care.
Sure, ok / I'm not comfortable with that.
I understand you don't feel this way, but I do.
I really appreciate you and the way you. ..
It would be my pleasure
I'd be happy to. . . .
. . .isn't as important to me as. . . .

Hear a Sam Horn 35 minute Tongue Fu presentation at:
http://www2.hawaii.edu/~barkai/HO/TongueFu.mp3