Jen & Paul: Draft

Robbins Madanes Film

7/2/04

DVD Transcription 2-20-05

TRTony Robbins

CMCloe Madanes

AHAnthony Hopkins

MNarrator

JJen

P Paul

BBrian

JSJen’s Sister

DVD Film

CAPTION: FBI Warning
CAPTION: Copyright 2005 by Robbins Research International, Inc. Written and Spoken Narration. Copyright 2005 by Cloe Madanes and Robbins Research International, Inc.
CAPTION: THIS FILM CONTAINS ADULT LANGUAGE. Freud discovered that in every culture there are words which are considered taboo: words that are rarely spoken aloud, but, when they are, product a dynamic transformation in the emotional responsiveness of the listener. He was one of the first clinical practitioners to use intense language and taboo words with a therapeutic aim.
CAPTION: THIS FILM CONTAINS ADULT LANGUAGE. In this tradition, Anthony Robbins will, at times, deliberately use shocking language in order to establish an atmosphere of honesty and emotional authenticity. While not given a place in police society, these words can be used to trigger deeper emotions.
This language, is used strategically, according to the specific situation, to spark the participant to achieve a higher level of accountability.
CAPTION: RobbinsMadanes Center for Strategic Intervention (with RobbinsMadanes Logo)

MThe RobbinsMadanes Center for strategic intervention is dedicated to creating greater harmony and effectiveness in social systems ranging from families to corporations to government organizations, and to the development of a more cohesive and civil community.

Anthony Robbins is one of the world’s premier authorities on the psychology of leadership, negotiations, organizational turnaround, and peak performance. In this series of films you’ll see a variety of his interventions as analyzed by Cloe Madanes, world renowned author and teacher of psychotherapy.

CAPTION: THIS FILM CONTAINS ADULT LANGUAGE. Freud discovered that in every culture there are words which are considered taboo: words that are rarely spoken aloud, but, when they are, product a dynamic transformation in the emotional responsiveness of the listener. He was one of the first clinical practitioners to use intense language and taboo words with a therapeutic aim.
CAPTION: What makes people do what they do?

M1Suicide is a solution to an economic dilemma.

CAPTION: What creates human problems?

M2If I leave my wife, I’ll lose my identity.

CAPTION: What makes a relationship difficult?

F1How am I meant to be true to myself if I have four children that rely on me and a controlling husband?

CAPTION: and what creates solutions?

F2And I don’t want to live my life this way.

CAPTION: do you have to suffer?

TRWhat are you trying to avoid losing by being gutless?

M3Karen

TRNow what if I told you that that very gutless is what’s causing you to lose her?

M3I would believe it.

CAPTION: Or can you take action?

MTwo thousand people from 39 countries, these few will stand up to face their greatest life challenge and they will not let go.

GRAPHICS: Different frames of the seven individuals highlighted with their names in caption: Warren, Karen, Jim, Lise, Asad, Samantha and Jenn.

MUntil a solution has been reached. Narrated by master therapist, Cloe Madanes

CAPTION: Cloe Madanes

MEach film contains cutting-edge solutions for the challenges

CAPTION:
passion
career
health
finances
parenting
time
communications
Anthony Robbins.

MThat all of us face. Anthony Robbins

TRSomebody stands up, I want you to become the practical psychologist.

CAPTION: In a live uncut

MIn a live, uncut

TRWhy are they doing this. Ahh, they’re meeting this need, this, this need. Interesting.

MPersonal transformation film.

CAPTION: Personal transformation film

TRSo that when you leave here, you’ll have a greater appreciation for every human being you meet whether it be your child or whether it be the person you can’t stand.

CAPTION: SEE THE FILMS

MSee the films. Do the work.

CAPTION: DO THE WORK

MChange your life.

CAPTION: CHANGE YOUR LIFE
CAPTION: The Inner Strength Films
CAPTION: InnerStrengthFilms.com

AHHi, I’m Anthony Hopkins. I’ve played many roles in my life through my long career, but now I’m playing the role of a lifetime. Myself. And, this came about through Tony Robbins. The most dynamic human being I’ve ever had met. He changed my life as he can change yours. Doesn’t matter what you are, who you are, or what you have, this man can change your life as he’s changed mine. By the way, I am not being paid a penny for this. I’m doing this as a gift to give back to Anthony Robbins because he gave me so much. And, he can and will do the same for you. That I promise. So, stay with me and believe me this will change your destiny.

CMThis is a story of a very nice couple. Two people who cared for each other deeply. The problem was they were making each other miserable and they didn’t know why. Sound familiar?

The fact is that often nice people in nice relationships are doing terrible things to each other. Watching this film can mean the difference between life and death for your relationship.

Millions of people separate and divorce each year with great suffering to themselves and their children when actually their relationship could be turned around in one hour.

In this film you will learn how to block the patterns of misunderstanding and estrangement and recover the possibility of truly loving each other.

We begin our story at an Anthony Robbins conference for 4,000 participants. People are standing up and sharing some of the fears that hold them back.

Paul stands up.

TRYou’re afraid?

PYes.

TRWhat are you afraid of?

PA lot of things

TROkay, what you are most afraid of?

PThat if I leave my wife I’ll lose my identity, and my self worth and I’ll lose her love and love for myself.

TRYou probably will. In fact it will be worse than that.

PWhat do you mean?

TRYou’ll lose the identity that you have right now. That you’ve built not only into whatever you think you are but you’ll fire off all your fears that you failed. You will

Do you have kids?

PYes

TRYes. You’ll feel them hating you at times. Um, you’re going to lose a lot of money more than you think (Laughter).

Let’s see what else. (Laughter).

Anybody else want to chime in here?

Yes, what else?

DISCLAIMER: For seminar use only. Not for individual sale.

TRHe’s going to have another guy bring up his kids. He’s going to fall in love with another woman and make all the same mistakes all over again.

PThis is my wife.

TR:Hi. What’s your name?

JJennifer

TRHi Jennifer. Jennifer this is a, a rather uncomfortable spot to be in. Why’d you stand up?

Give her a hand first of all, I agree (Applause).

JUm, because I love him, and I, I don’t know but I was one of those people that said I wanted to go home this morning.

TRI bet. I wouldn’t blame you honey. Why’d you want to leave this morning? Food was that bad last night? (Laughter).

JUm, because I wanted to go home and get love from my kids.

TRJust by the way, this is what most women do by the way, is most women even marry a man that, that is a good man but their not passionately in love with cause they know they’ll get that real love from their children they believe.

JWell, I

TRHow many women, how many women know a woman who has done this? Let me see a show of hands?

But the problem is then you burden those children and then eventually they do grow up and there is a stage when you don’t feel their love either.

JI just feel that my love for my kids is unconditional.

TRI know. How old are your kids?

JFive and four.

TRWait a little bit (Laughter).

Is your love for this man unconditional?

JYes.

TRIs that your experience sir?

PI think I’ve had a lot of struggles with physical attraction. I think she’s got the most amazing eyes and smile I’ve ever seen in my life. And, I try to tell myself that physically that was all that I needed and it wasn’t.

CMTony has asked Paul whether Jen’s love for him is unconditional. Instead of answering the question, Paul puts the blame on himself for not being attracted to her. This is reason to suspect that there is an acid rule in this couple that her love cannot be questioned.

TRAnd, so, do you love this woman?

PI love her deeply yes.

TRHow, how deeply? You really need to be honest right now to be fair to her, and you, and everybody else in this room. So I’m going to ask you to not give me the answer that just shows up right away. I want you to really feel in your soul what’s real. I do believe you love her by the way. But I just want you to really really answer honestly. Is that fair?

PYes. I don’t feel that she was the person I was meant to be with for the rest of my life.

TRAnd, how, how many years have you guys been married?

PNine

TRNine. And so now you discuss leaving?

PYes

TRHow long has that discussion been going on?

PTwo years now.

TRAnd, you want to leave?

PI want to be free of the, the pain on both sides. Cause there’s pain go, there’s pain in leaving and there’s pain in staying.

TRI see. So you’ve just stayed where you are?

PThat’s where I’ve, that’s where I’ve been and I’m sick, I’m fed up, with feeling this way. It’s unfair to her. It’s unfair to me.

TRI see. So you basically believe you know what’s right but have not had the gut to do something.

PYou got it.

CMOn the one hand, Paul feels the need to leave the relationship. On the other hand he still wants his wife’s love and respect. There is something strange about this reasoning. Tony knows there must be something else.

TRIs it just her physical appearance.

PNo

TROkay, cause I want to get that out because every woman in this room has stopped breathing. And any man with a heart just doesn’t say. Because this dynamic of—how many of you in your first impression of this man, is it Paul?

PYes

TRYeah Paul, how many of your first impression of Paul was a man with a big heart. Let me see a show of hands if that was your first impression of him.

How many of you when he talked about loving his wife but having this thing about the visual tightened, now your first impressions are usually accurate when you’re not from a judgmental place, when you’re in your heart. And you didn’t have a judgment to start with so my bet is your first judgment was accurate. The second one tightens all of us because we’re all afraid of not being enough and so we put ourselves in her, if we have a heart and you care, we all put ourselves in her shoes whether you’re male or female and go we’ve all felt unwanted over something that seemed unfair with somebody else we loved. On the other hand, there’s another possibility here too. The possibility is that his description visually is an anchor to other things as well. That are deeper and harder for him to articulate. So what besides the visual, cause you, you’ve said there are other things is that not true?

PYes. And I don’t want this to be a bashing session.

TROh no, I don’t want it to be a bashing session I want just honesty. Cause I’m going to ask her the same thing and if she’s honest she’ll tell me some things about you. And this is not you about her

POkay.

TROkay

PUm,

TRMaybe to make it fair, tell me the things you do love about this woman that you think are measurably beautiful. And don’t use fluff and don’t bulls__t her or us.

POkay. I think that the fact that she keeps loving regardless shows how much of a quality person she is. I was attracted to that quality she was. I’ve never seen anyone love and support more peoples than she loves. She does, she over does.

TRWhy is it, oh why is it over does?

PI mean, she, she tries to sacrifice what’s important to her. Just so someone else can experience something good. So I guess her generosity.

TROkay

CMIt is still difficult to understand why Paul wants to leave someone he would praise this highly. What is he leaving out?

TRWhat else do you love about her?

(Laughter, Applause)

PHer, her sense of humor?

TRThank God she’s there to cue your a__. (Laughter)

PI know

TRCan we just acknowledge it. What a courageous and beautiful woman you are. (Applause).

CMTony honors Jen for using humor to break up the miserable emotional pattern Paul and she were in. Her ability to shift the tone of the conversation is probably one of the things that has kept them together.

TRI say that because to be in the midst of this situation and for you to be able to break his pattern and yours, honey I just, I, I honor your courage not only in standing up but the way you’re, you’re here with us right now. It moves me.

PCan I, can I just add one thing?

TRYes

PShe’s got balls. I, I love that, that she’s got balls. I love that she’s strong.

CMFinally we understand Paul’s problem. Could it be that since Jen has the balls Paul doesn’t feel like a man in the relationship.

TRNow let’s, now let’s look another dynamic shall we? Jennifer has a very strong feminine part of her but because she’s been so hurt, the masculine part of her has become dominate. Which by the way, he’s helped because he’s been such a p___y.

JI’m not coming up on stage to do that. (Laughter). So forget it.

CMIn the previous intervention, Tony had asked a woman to find her femininity by dancing on stage. Jen doesn’t want to do that.

JMy sister’s here. (Sounds of surprise and applause).

TROh you want her to do it first

JYeah. She’s right over there.

CMNow we know what Jen does when she’s under pressure. She calls her sister.

TRUh, can I ask you a question?

JShe’s going to kill me Tony.

TRWhat’s your name sissy?

JSJanet.

TRJanet are you still breathing?

JSYeah (Laughter).

TRAre you the older sister or the younger sister?

JSI’m the older one even though I feel like she’s my older sister.

TRYeah. Why do you always feel like she’s your older sister even though you’re the older one?

JSI look up to her.

TRWhy do you look up to her?

JSShe’s just a great person.

TRAnd you’re not?

JSOh no, no, I’m very confident. I don’t, I think I am a great person, I know I am.

TRThat’s good. But she’s just a great person in what way?

JSIn every way.

TRShe’s strong?

JSShe’s very strong. And, I, I feel bad for her right now.

DISCLAIMER: For seminar use only. Not for individual sale.

TRI bet you do.

JSI have such a great marriage and I love my husband so much and I almost feel guilty that everything is so great I want it to be great for her too.

TRSo do you mute your own relationship when you talk to about, to her?

JSSometimes.

TRYeah. So that means you guys don’t happen to have same level of intimacy even though you love each other because you’re not being totally truthful.

JSI just, it’s not that I’m not truthful, it’s that I just don’t share everything.

TRJust so guys remember this, that’s called not being truthful (Laughter).

JSI get, I’m so happy with who I am and, and who I am with my husband.

TRYes.

JSAnd I, and I want her to have that too.

TRYes. Why do you think she doesn’t have that?

JSUm,

TRTell us honestly

JSI think that

TRTell us honestly and please, please (sounds like Bev) love her enough to tell us honestly what you really think.

JS I think that she would feel better about herself if she was thinner. And I think that if she was she would tell him to go f__k himself. (Laughter/Applause).

JSBut I also, I also want to say that I love Paul. But, when he’s not nice to her I want to smash him.

TRWhen he’s, when he’s what?

JSWhen he’s not nice to her but that’s how I am with my entire family from my husband to everybody (Laughter). If you’re mean to them I’ll rip your eyes out.

TRSo you think if she took care of herself, she’d regardless of him, she’d feel better about herself. If she felt better about herself she wouldn’t put up with the s__t.

JSYes.

TROkay. Why else do you think her relationships not where she wants it to be?

JS She—for me, the thing that I have with my husband is we’re honest with each other. And I tell him, “Listen, I’m not putting up with this s—t.”

TRThat’s right.

JSAnd I think that she needs to do that, but she’s afraid that if she tells him how she really feels, that he’ll leave her.