Foundation Group Leader Training

Watermark community church |

Clarify the Win

  • Be more like ______
  • Experience healthy ______
  • Grow in ______with your spouse
  • Live on ______with your life and marriage

The Process

Our Prayer

That God would put these groups together based on what he knows they need,

not on what couples think they want.

Couple Overview

Millennial Overview

  • Generation of ______
  • ______parents
  • Highly ______
  • Consume information in ______
  • 40% were raised by ______

12 Things Before you Lead

  • Set high expectations for ______
  • Share your story ______
  • Don’t assume they’re healthy ______
  • Guide them to the truth of ______
  • Get time with couples ______
  • Connect ______
  • Don’t forget to ______
  • Provide opportunity for unique ______
  • All is not as it seems in ______
  • Ask the next______
  • Help them address ______

Handling Different Expectations

Usually ______

Occasionally ______,

Always an opportunity for ______and ______

God has a ______for every group & everyone in your group.

Do you ______that this group is God’s ______for you for this season of your life.

Leader Essentials

Abide in Christ

Cultivate relationships

Promote Participation

Provide Care

Two paths of Care

  • Path of Good ______– [focus: what you should do]
  • Path of Good ______– [focus: what Jesus has done]

Utilize the What to do when crisis hits section of the playbook

Pastoral Wisdom

  • 1 thessalonians 5:14 – “and we urge you brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.”Grace+Truth+Time=Change
  • be available, but not overly so
  • don’t sacrifice yourself or your marriage
  • this may not be best for the couple, sometimes just praying with them forces them to work on the issues themselves
  • role of scripture [do you believe?]
  • 2 Timothy 3:16 – profitable for teaching reproof, correction, & training in righteousness & Hebrews 4:12 – living & active
  • share biblical wisdom, not your own advice
  • ask couples which scriptures informed their comments
  • don’t be afraid to say you don’t know
  • use the Gospel & Christ’s example every time to call them to action
  • “you can be honest because God already knows and accepts you.”
  • You can forgive because God has forgiven you and commanded you to forgive the way He has (completely, without retribution, etc.)
  • You can love regardless of the actions of your spouse because God loves you in spite of not because of your actions.
  • your own marriage
  • make sure you go through the lessons yourself, work on your marriage
  • continue to invest in your own marriage, don’t assume talking about other marriages is investing in your own
  • share success & failures of your own marriages: they need models of authenticity, repentance, forgiveness & reconciliation
  • if you’re struggling in your marriage, let us know
  • discuss after each night how you’re leading as a team
  • opposite sex relationships
  • As a leader, never counsel someone alone of the opposite sex. If by email, copy your spouse on it.
  • when to involve the married team
  • We trust you and your ability to lead and shepherd your group
  • Ask for help or wisdom on a situation at any time. [download plan w/ us]
  • Let us know when there’s been physical abuse, separation, outbursts of anger, threats of suicide or unresolved conflict in the group

Characteristics of Great Leaders

  • relational/warm
  • create a safe environment [host vs. guest | there you are, not here I am]
  • [Initiate: relationally, others respond, connect: others become comfortable, provide: others become satisfied, direct: catalyst for growth, give guidance]
  • spiritual vibrancy
  • gospel centered: ground application in the cross & the resurrection
  • [know & apply God’s word, balancing grace & truth]
  • authentic/approachable
  • transparent in sharing past stories
  • intentional/available
  • they offer a listening ear, encouragement & challenge
  • they tell you what you need to hear, not necessarily what you want to hear
  • humble/teachable
  • willing to admit when they’re wrong or have wronged another, eager to learn

These couples aren’t looking for PERFECT examples;they’re looking for LIVING examples.

Where leaders have struggled

  • They’ve been more condemning than loving
  • They’ve stayed surface level rather than encourage the couples to go deep
  • They didn’t set clear expectations or they didn’t hold couples accountable to them.
  • They weren’t open and authentic with their own struggles
  • They didn’t address conflict or issues in the group
  • They didn’t create ownership

The Leader Playbook

Additional Opportunities for Newly Married Couples

Facilitating the group

©2012 NORTH POINT MINISTRIES, INC.

Cultivate discussion.

It’s easy to assume that a group meeting lives or dies on the quality of your ideas. That’s not true. It’s the ideas of

everyone in the group that make a small group meeting successful. Your role is to create an environment in which people feel safe to share their thoughts. That’s how relationships will grow and thrive among your group members.

Here’s a basic truth about spiritual growth within the context of community: the study materials aren’t as important as the relationships through which those materials take practical shape in the lives of the group members. The more meaningful the relationships, the more meaningful the study. The best materials in the world won’t change lives in a sterile environment.

Point to the material.

A good host or hostess creates an environment where people can connect relationally. He or she knows when to

help guests connect and when to stay out of the way whenthose connections are happening organically. As a small

group leader, sometimes you’ll simply read a discussion question and invite everyone to respond. The conversation will take care of itself. At other times, you may need to encourage group members to share their ideas. Remember, some of the best insights will come from the people in your group. Go with the flow, but be ready to nudge the conversation in the right direction when necessary.

Depart from the material.

Don’t feel like you should stick rigidly to the materials. Knowing when to depart from them is more art than science, but no one knows more about your group than you do.The stories, questions, and exercises are here to provide a framework for exploration. But different groups have different chemistries and different motivations. Sometimes the best way to start a small group discussion is to ask, “Does anyone have a personal insight you’d like to share from this week’s material?” Then sit back and listen.

Stay on track.

This is the flip side to the previous point. There’s an art to facilitating an engaging conversation. While you want to leave space for group members to think through the discussion, you also need to keep your objectives in mind.

Make sure the discussion is contributing to the bottom line for the week. Don’t let the discussion veer off into tangents. Interject politely in order to refocus the group.

Pray.

This is the most important thing you can do as a leader. The best leaders get out of God’s way and let him communicate throughthem. Remember: books don’t teach God’s Word; neither do sermons or discussion groups. God speaks into the hearts of men and women. Prayer is a vital part of communicating with him.Pray for your group members. Pray for your own leadership. Pray that God is not only present at your group meetings, but is directing them.

After someone shares. [watermark]

  • Thank them for sharing & affirm them for growth you are seeing
  • Remember people will share a little bit at a time and see how you react. Don’t act shocked, or immediately start giving advice, or they will stop sharing. Instead affirm them & ask follow up questions
  • Follow up questions: where you you think God was/is in that? what does that look like in your relationship? What do you think your spouse would say about the issue? What does God’s word say? What do you think God wants you to do?