Year 5Harvest Festival6.10.15
Jemima: Ladieeees and gentlemen, today we are fortunate to have hired – at NO great expense – a travelling band of melodramatists who will perform a selection of original material for your edification and delight.They are pulchritude personified... it is my pleasure to introduce Chiddingstone’s class five!
Darcey: I say, I say, I say, why did the furry animal shiver?
Sammy: I don’t know, why did the furry animal shiver?
Darcey: Because he was a little bear!
Digby: What did the children do in their maths lesson?
Bayley: Tell me, what did the children do in their maths lessons?
Digby: Some sums!
Elodie: Why is it easy for a cat to tell a story?
Libby: I don’t know, whyis it easy for a cat to tell a story?
Elodie: Because it has a tail!
Reuben: Why did the boy throw his shoe into the sea?
Ewan: I have no idea! Why did the boy throw his shoe into the sea?
Reuben: Because they needed to be tied!
Evie: I say, I say, I say, why did the man buy a boat?
Charlotte: I don’t know, why did the man buy a boat?
Evie: Because it was for sale!
Harry D: Why did the children learn fractions in a ditch?
Thomas: I don’t know, why did they learn fractions in a ditch?
Harry D: Because they wanted to make a hole!
Elise: Why is a horse’s hair so important?
Niamh: I don’t know, why is a horse’s hair so important?
Elise: Because it’s the main thing!
Harry B: What vegetables do you find in your roof?
Tara: I don’t know, what vegetables do you find in your roof?
Harry B: Leeks!
Jemima/Clara: (Lead round of applause)
Clara: Prepare now for verisimilitudinous, ventriloquial virtuosity as our poets perform a variety of vacuous verses...
Lara:
Tiddly Tim tied Tom to ten tiny tortoises.
To ten tiny tortoises Tiddly Tim tied Tom.
If Tiddly Tim tied Tom to ten tiny tortoises,
Where’s the ten tiny tortoises to which Tiddly Tim tied Tom?
Emily:
Harry had a heart-breaking holiday in Hever.
A heart-breaking holiday in Hever, Harry had.
If Harry had a heart-breaking holiday in Hever,
Where’s the heart-breaking holiday in Hever Harry had?
Isabelle:
Danny danced dreamily, drowning in dandelion and burdock.
Drowning in dandelion and burdock, Danny danced dreamily.
If Danny danced dreamily, drowning in dandelion and burdock,
How much dandelion and burdock did Danny dance dreamily in?
Isla:
Tiger Tim could not tell the tiny time.
Tell the tiny time Tiger Tim could not.
If Tiger Tim could not tell the tiny time,
What’s the tiny time that Tiger Tim could not tell?
Esther:
Rosie Ramsey rakishly ran to Reading.
To Reading Rosie Ramsey rakishly ran.
If Rosie Ramsey rakishly ran to Reading,
Then why did she end up in Tunbridge Wells?!
Jemima:And following that ambisinistrous array of illecebrous isometrics, we present for your deglutition an emesis of elegant elegies...
Henry:
There was a young boy named Nick
Whose nose he just loved to pick
Until something fell out
A lost Brussels sprout
It had been missing for months, What a trick!
Lolly:
There was a fat girl called Hetty
Whose mum was made of confetti.
She was running so fast,
Her mum heard a blast
Then she fainted on the settee!
Ava:
There was a young girl from Hocks
Who liked to curl her locks.
She fell off her chair
And pulled out her hair
Which made her very cross!
Charlotte:
There once was a girl from Trine
And all she would drink was red wine.
She was given some juice
And a chocolate mousse
But she screamed and she screamed, “That’s not mine!”
Clara:And to round off our morning’s multiplicity of mammothrept mumblings, I bring you now a frolicsome fiesta of fluid-based felicity...
Delilah: What did the sink say to the tap?
Sammy: You’re a real drip!
Niamh; What happened to the leopard who took a bath threetimes a day?
Tara: After a week he was spotless!
WilliamWhat did one toilet say to the other toilet?
Bayley: You’re looking a bit flushed!
Katie: Knock Knock
Thomas: Who's there?
Katie: Water
Thomas: Water who?
Katie: Water way to answer the door!
Jemima:NO!
Clara:Hang on a minute...You can’t joke about that!
Everyone: (Remove hats.) Water is no laughing matter!
Jemima: And this is why...
Emily:884 million people in the world do not have access to safe water.
Katie:At any one time, 50% of hospital beds in the developing world are occupied by patients who are sick from water-related diseases.
Niamh:1.4 million children die every year as a result of illnesses caused by unclean water and poor sanitation.
Sammy:This is around 4,000 deaths a day.
Ava: WaterAid is a charity working to address this horror.
Delilah: This year its focus is on Madagascar, a large island off the coast of East Africa.
Elise:It’s a country where more than half the total population do not have access to safe water.
Harry D: Eric has a warm cheeky smile. He likes to play with friends and is shy around people he doesn’t know.
(Thomas/Digby mime Eric/brother)
Tara:He is just like most other four year olds – except that Eric has to walk miles every day to fetch water filled with bacteria.
Libby: He is too young to know why drinking it makes him dangerously ill and regularly puts him in hospital.
Esther: His mum fears for his life, and with good reason.
Ewan: Eric had a brother who collected and drank the same filthy water from the same swamp.
William:Until, one day, it killed him.
Reuben: InMadagascar families are poor, hungry and sick because their only source of water comes from a filthy stream.
Harry B: If they had safe water near their homes, they would be able to grow crops and vegetables.
Charlotte: Children would be well nourished.
Isabelle:They would no longer suffer from disease.
Bayley: And they could attend school.
Evie: With the help of your donations, Wateraid plans to provide villages with water via a gravity-fed system.
Isla:Just £5 pays for a tap.
Darcey:£15 gives access to safe water andbetter sanitation.
Lara:£56 pays for a hygiene promotion puppet show.
Elodie:£215 will pay for the training of a water and sanitation committee.
Lolly:£560 pays for four tapstands to bring water close to homes.
Clara: We can help Malagasy people enjoy better, longer lives...
Everyone: Just like that!