An American Cyber-Column s6

Mullings

(www.mullings.com)

An American Cyber-Column

Wild Bill

Wednesday September 27, 2006

· A Gold Star in the Sunday Morning News Program business is to be the topic of conversation on the MONDAY morning news programs. Using that as the benchmark, Chris Wallace’s Fox Sunday show was a smash hit.

· Which is what we thought Wild Bill Clinton was going to do to Wallace with that eye-bulging, neck-vein-popping, finger-pointing tirade which lacked only a scream at the end to equal the satisfaction we get when we listen to the Ride of the Valkyries finish in a ear-bursting, cymbal-clashing major chord.

Dear Mr. Mullings:

That will be quite enough.

Signed,

Miss Hohman

Your 7&8 Grade Clarinet Teacher (would it have killed you to have practiced once in a while?)

· If Hillary Clinton runs for, and secures, the Democratic nomination for President, that performance will certainly weigh heavily on voters’ minds.

· Everyone in this class who believes that Bill Clinton would sit quietly in the East Wing pondering seating charts and menus for State Dinners, please raise your hands.

· To quote Ben Stein’s most famous line: Anyone? Anyone?

MEMORANDUM

From the WEST WING Office

President Clinton (42)

Wednesday, Jan. 21, 2009

TO: The White House Senior Staff

I thought it would be helpful to y’all if you understood the roles and duties that Hillary and I will be fulfilling for the next eight years.

1. Domestic Policy. Hillary will take the lead on this, especially on health care along with the Secretary-designate of HHS, Newt Gingrich.

2. Foreign Policy. I’m going to say this only one time: I don’t want any major foreign policy decisions being made public without having them first approved by me.

3. In fact, that goes for domestic policy decisions, too. Especially if it’s something Secretary-designate Gingrich thinks is a good idea.

4. I also don’t want to hear anyone in this Administration referring to me as anything other than “President Clinton.” I don’t want any of that “First Spouse” or “First Husband” or even “First Man” – especially not “First Man” – business.

5. If absolutely necessary, it will be acceptable to refer to me as “President Clinton (42)” as opposed to Hillary who is the 44th President of the United States.

6. However, do not use the “President Clinton (42)” construct with abandon. I don’t want to hear anyone saying that such-and-so needs to get done because “President Clinton (42)” asked for it. A simple “President Clinton asked for it” will do.

7. Over the course of the next few weeks I will be interviewing candidates to be the Official White House Hostess. I am looking for someone with specific qualities to perform the duties of the East Wing. If you have a candidate in mind, please have her send a color photograph along with a resume and I’ll take it from there if-you-know-what-I-mean-and-I-think-you-do.

8. For the time being, I will be using the office which had been assigned to the Vice President. This is only temporary. As soon as the construction on the Alternate Oval Office is completed in the space which used to be the Press Briefing room, I will be moving my operation there.

9. At that point the previous VP office will be remodeled to house my staff.

10. Someone tell the Air Force I am not flying on any of those old DC-9s they have flown other . . . Presidential spouses around on. I want the plane they have outfitted for the Vice President to be solely for my personal use. HE can have the DC-9.

11. Hillary’s Chief of Staff will be in total control of all White House operations just as in any other administration. With the exception of 1, 2, and 3 above. And the plane. And the White House Hostess.

Sincerely,

President Clinton

· On the <a href = “http://www.mullings.com/dr_09-27-06.htm”<b>Secret Decoder Ring Page</b</a> today: A link to a pretty good review of the whole Wallace/Clinton thing from the Miami Herald; a link to the NY Daily News’ take on the interview; and a link to the pretty damning research doc put out by the Republican National Committee refuting most of what President Clinton was complaining about. Also a Mullfoto from Atlanta a couple of weeks ago and a Catchy Caption of the Day.

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