The Circle of Life: I Just Can't Wait to be King!

Dating, College, and Marriage Version (USY)

SWUSY Fall Kallah and Kamp Kadima - Sicha 2

November 18-20, 2011 @ Camp Young Judaea Texas

Prepared by Maury Jacobs, SWUSY Regional Director

Based off Materials from Amy Dorsh and Rabbi Cara Weinstein Rosenthal

Goals

  1. Explore the values of dating Jewishly
  2. Assess what is important to USYers while dating
  3. Discuss Jewish Texts on dating
  4. 9th and 10th Grade - Preview the Jewish Wedding
  5. 11th and 12th Grade - Learn how to make Jewish college choices

Materials

  1. Leaders Packet
  2. One copy of "The Jewish Life Cycle" per USYer/Kadimanick
  3. Sets of slips of paper with different qualities written on them (1 set per 2 USYers)

Overview

  1. Warm Up: Let's Get Personal (15 minutes)
  2. Is it all about looks? (10 minutes)
  3. A Discussion on Dating? (15 minutes)
  4. 9th and 10th Grade - The Jewish Wedding (15 minutes)
  5. 11th and 12th Grade - Off to College (15 minutes)

Note to Educators: You should start of this session letting the USYers know that we will be covering Dating and either College or Marriage depending on grade level. Since we will be talking about dating, some of the questions may get a little personal. Let the USYers know that they are not required to answer every question if they don't feel comfortable. Also, please remind the USYers to respect each others' backgrounds, values, and points of view.

Also, the party line is that it is important to date Jews only. Not to say we look down on Jews who date non-Jews by any means, but we want to take every opportunity to encourage Jewish dating. If this is not your personal perspective on the matter, please make sure you none-the-less play the party line. If you have a problem with this, please let me know and I'll be happy to assign you to a different group.

PROGRAM

Warm Up: Let's Get Personal (20 minutes)

Have the USYers turn to page 63 in their books. We'll start with the warm up exercise on 63/64 which has a bunch of prompts on the left side. For each prompt get 2-3 USYers to answer the following 2 questions:

  • Would you date someone who...(prompt)
  • What are the consequences of dating someone who...(prompt)

The second warm up activity makes use of the envelopes with slips of paper that you received. The USYers can close their books for this activity. Split the group into pairs. Each pair should receive a set of 20 "qualities".

The goal of this activity is to select the top qualities that you are looking for in your future husband or wife. Please emphasize husband or wife. We will be making a comparison to dating later in the activity. Since each pair might have slightly different views, some compromises may be needed. In part 1 of this activity, each group should select the 12 most important values and put them in order from most important to least important.

After the groups complete this activity, pair each pair with another pair and have them work as a team of 4 to choose the top 6 and put them in order. Come back together as a full group and have each group share their top 6. If you think this activity is still holding interest, you can try to do it one final time with a full group set of 5 or 6.

Questions for short discussion:

  • Was it hard to compromise on these items?
  • The instructions were to choose the qualities you look for in a future husband or wife. Would you have chosen the same ones if the instructions were to choose the qualities you look for in a boyfriend or girlfriend now?
  • If so, which ones would have been different? What's the distinction?
  • If not, why would they be the same. (Great opportunity to discuss the "every date is a potential mate idea")

Is it all about looks? (10 minutes)

As a group read the texts on page 57 and answer the questions at the bottom of the page. Continue with everything on page 58.

A Discussion on Dating? (15 minutes)

Please read as a group page 59 and top half of 60.

Then jump to the discussion questions on page 61. Remember, you may have USYers who come from a inter-marriage family. While we want to teach the importance of dating and marrying Jews, please be sure that these USYers don't feel attacked. If your USYers seem fine with the idea of inter-dating, you may need to join the conversation as devil's advocate.

9th and 10th Grade - The Jewish Wedding (15 minutes)

Read and discuss pages 65 and 66 of the source book. Make sure and spend some time on the discussion questions.

There are many sections in the marriage section which are worthwhile, but we don't have much time remaining. We'll cover many of the parts in our mock-wedding in the evening. If you still have time left I would recommend any of the following sections:

  • Before The Marriage (page 69-70)
  • Kabbalat Panim (page 70)
  • The Text on the bottom of 71 - ask the bolded question
  • Yichud (page 79)
  • Seudat Mitzvah (page 79-80)
  • Possible discussion questions - without book:
  • Discuss pros and cons of matchmaking.
  • Have you been to a Jewish wedding? What do you remember from the ceremony?
  • How is a Jewish Wedding different from a Christian wedding?
  • What do you want your wedding to look like?

11th and 12th Grade - Off to College (15 minutes)

Set the scene that we are going to switch modes from dating to looking at colleges. The Juniors are just beginning thier college visits, while the seniors are working on applications will soon be hearing back. You can gear this discussion to where they are in the process.

We'll start with an activity called "Packing Your Suitcase". In this exercise, the USYers will be asked to pack their virtual suitcases for college. Read the following two parts to the USYers. Let them have a few minutes to discuss the first one before moving on to the second.

  1. Valuables - Imagine that the time has finally come and that you're packing to leave for college for the first time. Think about every material item that is important to you that you wouldn't dare leave behind. Pick 3 things that you would be sure to pack in your suitcase.
  2. Values - Now, think about the values that are important to you that you've established over the years. Pick 3 values (non-material items) would you feel are critical to take with you to college? Think about what experiences have you had that made those values dear to you?

Follow up on these activities. Ask the following questions.

  • Which of these valuables and values were specifically Jewish?
  • Where do you think Judaism should fit into your college experience?

Ask the USYers the following questions.

  • What are you looking for in a college?
  • For those of you looking at "Jewish" aspects of a campus, what might you look for?
  • you can use the bullet points on page 52 for more suggestions
  • Why is it important to make Jewish aspects on campus and important part of your college decision.
  • possible answers include: Jews to date, Jewish friends, people to share holidays with, people to spend Shabbat with, a place to go to services, opportunities to be involved in the local Jewish community

If you have remaining time, close with this question.

  • Is there a Jewish ritual for going to college? Should there be? What would it look like?

Appendix A: Qualities for a Potential Mate

Beautiful / Handsome

Sense of Humor

Common Interests / Activities

Outgoing

Observant of Shabbat

Observant of Kashrut

Jewish Education

Romantic

Has Money

Wants Kids

Good Relationship with his/her Family

Easy to Talk to

Fun

Artistic

Intelligent

Taste in Music

Kind

Jewish

Taste in Clothing

Understanding