The Horror!
In a move that can only be described as “dastardly!” the infamous Grinch has added to his litany of crimes the lifting of a local parson’s Christmas Eve sermon, forcing the unfortunate vicar to undertake a rushed re-write with only a month’s time until Christmas.
Apparently the manuscript, which had been penned with a phoenix-feather quill and ink of rare Tibetan lotuses on fine hand-made parchment and decorated with intricate illuminations rivaling the Book of Kells, was snatched from the pastor’s desk only hours after the masterwork’s completion.
Pastor Josh Steely, the victim in this notorious theft, was found by Gazette reporters to be in a state of shock days after the incident occurred.
“It’s terrible,” the ecclesiastic said as he wept into his milk (Baptist, you understand). “Terrible. Terrible terribleterrible.”
And he kept blathering on that way.
After due course of time the minister became more coherent, and was able to explain that the Christmas sermon had been a work of particular effort, eloquence, and erudition.
“It was my magnum opus,” Steely said, with a long sad sigh and a distant gaze out the window. “The climax hinged upon an especially profound twenty-page quote from G.C. Berkouwer [editor’s note: apparently this person is a famous Dutch theologian – if, that is, the words ‘famous’ and ‘theologian’ should ever be used in the same sentence], which I doubt I’ll be able to locate again – and even if I find it, I probably won’t understand it again.”
No, sadly Parson Steely’s congregants will have to content themselves with a brief and to-the-point message on Christmas Eve, rather than the feast of historical, biblical, and theological acumen he had labored so long to set before them.
A pity, truly.
As news of this outrage has become fully known, local residents have descended from righteous fury to a paralysis of fear. As one citizen timidly opined, “If a pastor’s sermon isn’t safe, who is?”
Who indeed?
Zounds, A Church Newsletter!
The Pontoon Gazette
Managing Editor: Horace S. Epworth, esq.[1]
Including:
Grinch Steal’s Pastor’s Christmas Sermon!
Full Story on back page…
The culprit, as described to Gazette sketch artist
from the
Pastor’s
Quill
This Sunday we enter the Advent season. What’s that all about? What should it mean to us?
I’m glad you asked.
Advent is the four weeks leading up to Christmas, and it is a season of joyful expectation. We prepare for celebrating our Lord’s birth at Christmas and we focus our hearts and minds on the foreshadowings of the Messiah that we find in Scripture, or on the stories leading up to Jesus’ birth.
This is somewhat against the grain of our culture’s approach to Christmas. Expectation – waiting – is perhaps not one of our culture’s virtues. With so much driven by commercial pursuits we always seem to be rushing on to the next thing. Sometimes Thanksgiving hasn’t even come yet and you see Christmas themes emerging in the stores. We celebrate Christmas all through Advent, then after Christmas day we either get excited about New Year’s or we begin our winter slump.
What’s the alternative? Settle in for expectation during Advent. Relish the sense of waiting, which on Christmas finally opens to joy – and keep celebrating Christmas for weeks after!
Because Christmas is indeed worth celebrating, and worth waiting for expectantly. At every Christmas we rejoice in the birth of Jesus Christ in Bethlehem, now two millennia ago. A child born to bring salvation to the lost and doomed human race.
What made this child so special? He is God the Son who has become Incarnate – fully God, fully human. By His atoning work on the cross and in His resurrection He would offer life to those dead in sin and make a way for us to reclaim our tarnished and twisted humanity.
In the words of the prophet Isaiah, this Messiah is “Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace” (Isa. 9:6b).
And so, in joyful expectation, we wait…
A Two-Monthly Calendar, for Your Convenience
December 2016-January 2017
Cantatatimes:
Dec. 4th Villa Rose; Dec. 10th Church;
Dec. 11th Fountains; Dec. 17th University
Saturday, Dec. 3rd: 5:00 PM Holiday Dinner
Sunday, Dec. 4th: Communion
Wednesday, Dec. 7th: Monthly Business Mtg.
Thursday, Dec. 8th: 2:00 PM Ladies’ Tea
Saturday, Dec. 10th: 8:00 AM Men’s Breakfast
Tuesday, Dec. 13th: 6:30 PM Sun. School Teachers Mtg.
Saturday, Dec. 24th: 5:30 PM Christmas Eve Service
Sunday, Dec. 25th: Christmas Day! No Sunday School
Saturday, Dec. 31st: 7:00 PM New Year’s Eve Party
Sunday, Jan. 1st: Communion; New Year’s Day
Wednesday, Jan. 4th: Monthly Business Mtg.
Sunday, Jan. 7th: 7:00 PM Christmas Gala
Tuesday, Jan. 10th: Sun. School Teachers Mtg.
Saturday, Jan. 14th: 8:00 AM Men’s Breakfast
Thursday, Jan. 19th: 2:00 PM Ladies’ Tea
Sunday, Jan. 29th: Church Council Mtg.
[1] Everyone knows this is a pseudonym.