Being an Ally: Key Concepts
Being an Ally: Key Concepts
Cumulative Impact
This concept applies to a target group member experiences repeated negative oppressive incidents either in a short period of time or over a long period of time. Feelings of anger, fear, distrust, frustration, etc., may accumulate resulting in:
Feeling it is unsafe for them to challenge the people who treated them negatively.
Feeling tired of intervening and trying to educate others.
A good ally understands that many target group members may be carrying the "cumulative impact" of a long series of negative treatment. If they seem irritated or unusually upset, the ally tries to not take it personally, but instead tries to offer support by:
Acknowledging the degree of feelings the person is experiencing.
Offering to listen to stories of how the person has been negatively treated (without interrupting, arguing, justifying, trying to give advice, or trying to fix the problem.
Asking if there is anything they can do to be supportive.
Intent vs. Impact/Outcome
When a member of a majority group says/does something hurtful or inappropriate, their tendency is to want to EXPLAIN their INTENT. However, the pain and hurt, the IMPACT, is still very real to the minority group member. A good ally first apologizes and asks how they have negatively impacted the person. They then ask how they can help, be supportive, make amends, avoid similar mistreatment in the future.
Distinguishing Behavior
Most majority group members will be perceived as "just another white person" UNTIL they show THROUGH THEIR ACTIONS that they are actively working as an ally against oppression. When majority group members speak up and intervene, they DISTINGUISH themselves from the overall majority group who generally both consciously and unconsciously perpetuate oppression.
Seek Understanding without Forcing Others to Educate You
You will never truly understand what it means to be someone else. You need others, in addition to books, movies, articles, discussions, models, etc to help you understand. However, you cannot simply walk around and expect others to educate you. Take responsibility for your own education and think of it as a gift when someone does choose to share with you an aspect of their experience.
Communication Blockers
• "I wasn't there"
• Perfectly Logical Explanations…
• That happens to me too...
• You think that's bad...
Equal vs. Equitable
In a perfect world, all of us, regardless of race, class, gender, religion, sexual orientation, ability differences or other identities, would start at an equal playing field. We would have the same opportunities and chances throughout our lives and our hard work and determination would determine our successes and failures. We don't live in that world. Certain policies or procedures may thus be equal (treating individuals the same way) but not equitable (providing the same opportunities while considering the history and the place each individual started at in life).
Intervening in Oppressive Situations
Good allies take the initiative to try to STOP inappropriate behaviors and situations. They then look for ways to EDUCATE the person(s) who made the comment or took the action, in hopes that they may learn why what they did is hurtful and to not repeat the behavior in the future. Allies also offer SUPPORT to the person who experienced the mistreatment when possible.
Paradoxes of Being an Ally:
Taking Leadership without Taking Control - You are an ally because you want to do something, you want to create change. However, it is important that you don't tell those experiencing oppression what those changes should be. To do so would be to further disenfranchise them.
Feeling Good without feeling Liberal Pride - You have a right to feel good about yourself when you help someone, however, there is a danger in thinking about how open and educated you are. It prevents you from continued growth and lowers your credibility.
Being Present without Violating Safe Space - Sometimes a space needs to be without you, even as an ally, and just provide a safe forum for an oppressed group to be together. As an ally, you are ALWAYS a guest in these spaces and should be prepared to leave if necessary.
Self-Reflection without Self-Absorption - To be an ally, you must constantly be learning and growing and this requires self-reflection. However, focusing too much energy on yourself may leave others thinking you care more about yourself than being an ally.
Being an Ally: Key Actions
Remember
This isn't easy, comfortable, or fun to do. But if you are white (or male or heterosexual or able bodied), it is probably more so than leaving it for someone from the marginalized group to do.
Oppression, historical and current, is not your fault, but we have a responsibility to try to change it.
Sometimes being an ally is like throwing a brick into an ocean. You may not be the one to finally see the stack break the surface, but you are helping.
In General
Get to know others as individuals whose identity is multifaceted and complex - race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, religion, class, ability differences and other identities may be very important to them or they may not. You cannot know this or any other facet of them based on their appearance. Avoid making assumptions.
That being said, minorities are often made aware of their difference, even if it is not an important part of their identity.
Educate yourself: learn about others cultures: the norms, history, and practices. This goes beyond food, fashion, and holidays though these are good places to start.
Practice sharing information or intervening in a negative incident. You will be more prepared if and when something happens to not only intervene, but to intervene in a positive, educational way.
Experience minority status: It will help to have a conception of what it feels like to be a minority and to remind yourself or this feeling regularly. Think back to a time where you felt "other," spend time a place or event where most people do not share one of your core identities.
Attempt to make safe space: The purpose of many of your group is to provide such a safe space. However, ideally there would be no need for such a place as all places would be safe and supportive.
Seek first to understand THEN to be understood.
Change and grow.
ACT: Share knowledge, your beliefs, your practices. Let people know how you feel about discrimination, before you see it happen.
An Ally Is….
Adapted in part from materials developed by Elsie Y. Cross and Associates.
Adapted in part from work by Jamie Washington, University of Maryland, Baltimore Campus.
non-condescending
not self-designated
consistent
self-knowing
accountable (holds self)
safe (comfort zone)
do the work
educated
supportive
non-judgmental
confrontational
ready
embracing
able to listen
aware
idealistic/realistic
empathetic
visible
a friend
active
genuine
an educator
a leader
a mentor
Adapted in part from materials developed by Elsie Y. Cross and Associates.
Adapted in part from work by Jamie Washington, University of Maryland, Baltimore Campus.