2720 East Liberty Lane

January 18, 1919

Mediators R Us

Phoenix, Arizona 85048

Dear Mediators,

Good day to you! I am writing on behalf of Great Britain. I know that U.S. President Wilson wants to forgive everyone like he’s Jesus Christ himself and France’s Prime Minister Clemenceau is the next Napoleon because he wants everyone to die. My goal is to convince you to create a compromise that will ensure another Great War never occurs again.

Today is the first day of the Paris Peace Conference. As my colleagues and I meet to discuss how to end The Great War, we need your help. We need to ensure this type of destruction never occurs again. Great Britain lost nearly 1 million countrymen during the war in addition to 1.6 million who were wounded. It’s a horrific situation and should never occur in the future.

I heard that U.S. President Woodrow Wilson is going to suggest the creation of a League of Nations, which would be like a world police force. This is an incredibly creative solution that prevents more wars. I don’t believe Germany should be allowed to join the League until they can prove they are a peace-loving country. I know if the League is formed, then Germany will never threaten world peace again. Currently, however, I have no faith in Germany so I also suggest they not be allowed to have any armored vehicles, submarines, or aircraft. And they should be limited to only six battleships. Along those same lines, they should only have 100,000 soldiers and should not be allowed to force their citizens to join the military but instead create a military with soldiers who have chosen said employment.

I am especially nervous about Germany accessing their factories to create more weapons and ammunition. I strongly suggest that their industrial heartland, referred to as Ruhr, be occupied by Allied troops. This would allow the Allied countries, such as myself, to keep an eye on production so we are aware of Germany’s future military plans beforehand.

I think Germany needs to be limited and limited seriously. They should have no land overseas. I heard they wanted to help Mexico obtain some land from the U.S. What was Germany really up to when they made that offer? I know you aren’t supposed to put any faith in rumors but…rumor has it that Germany wanted to slowly move into Mexico so they could take over their military and then move north into the United States. If Germany is planning on expanding worldwide, we definitely need to rid them of all overseas land they currently control.

I know the other Allied leaders will be demanding that Germany pay reparations, which I agree with too. My country suffered great loss not just with lives but buildings, roads, bridges, aircraft, watercraft, etc. I included pictures as proof that we need funding to rebuild our beloved country. I estimate that Great Britain already spent $35,000,000,000 on the Great War. And now we need more to rebuild our way of life, to restore our culture, to honor our dead.

Yours truly,

David Lloyd George

Prime Minister, Great Britain

10 Downing Street

London

SW1A 2AA

Above is a house that was destroyed by a zeppelin during the Great War. The Singer family is now homeless. Where will their boys attend school? Where will they lie their heads at night? I doubt they will enjoy sweet dreams. Let’s work together to help rebuild their house, community, and city.

The above picture documents the destruction of a family-run business. The entire building will need to be destabilized before the store can be reopen and the family can move in upstairs. The family should not have to pay for Germany’s destruction. Germany should write them a personal check so they can rebuild their lives. The family consists of only civilians!