Today Is the First Day of Summer. You Can Tell That It S Summer Because the IRS Is Targeting
THE BITS…
Today is the first day of summer. You can tell that it’s summer because the IRS is targeting lemonade stands.
Today is the first day of summer. You can tell that it’s summer because Charlie Sheen fired Ben & Jerry.
Today is the first day of summer. You can tell that it’s summer because Paula Deen has pulled out her lightweight excuses.
Today is the first day of summer. You can tell that it’s summer over at Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum because Amanda Bynes’ statue is melting down almost as fast as she is.
President Obama made an embarrassing gaffe at the G8 summit when he repeatedly called British Finance Minister George Osborne "Jeffrey," confusing him with the singer. Obama later apologized, saying he meant to call him Ozzy.
A former intelligence analyst now claims that the NSA ordered wiretaps on then-Senate candidate Barack Obama in 2004. Not only that, he says that Obama is now secretly wiretapping himself.
Palestinian prime minister Rami Hamdallah has submitted his resignation after just two weeks on the job. Apparently he had a better offer to become manager at the Gaza Strip T-Jihad Fridays.
Jennifer Lopez got her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame yesterday. There was a huge crowd on hand – all of J.Lo’s ex-husbands.
SON OF THE BITS…
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have reportedly named their baby North, as in North West. In fact, the baby already said its first word – emancipation.
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have reportedly named their baby North, as in North West. They were going to name her South, but South West was already being used by an airline.
Madonna says she often broke down and cried on her MDNA tour because she was so overcome with exhaustion. Madonna said she hadn’t been that exhausted since she was dating Alex Rodriguez.
Madonna says she often broke down and cried on her MDNA tour because she was so overcome with exhaustion. Madonna said she was exhausted from staying up late and counting her money.
Robert Downey Jr. has agreed to return as Iron Man in two more movies. He got a pretty sweet deal. Downey gets $20 million per film and free rust-proofing.
The Miami Heat defeated the San Antonio Spurs to win the NBA championship. It’s always inspiring to see a bunch of arrogant, overpaid millionaires defeat a band of scrappy underdogs.
The Miami Heat defeated the San Antonio Spurs to win the NBA championship. The MVP award went to LeBron James’ headband.
A jury has been selected for the trial of George Zimmerman, who’s accused of killing a teenager in Florida. He sure has fallen on hard times since he was fired from Men’s Wearhouse.
TODAY’S AUDIO…
Today on the Bitman audio feed we have reality clips from Hell’s Kitchen, laughs withAnger Management and Wilfred,late night fun with Chelsea and the Spurs at Heat final call.
Plus more from Ron Jordan and the Bitman audio archive! It’s all at BitmanComedy.com in the Subscribers area
Not hearing anything? TV Sound bites are available at BitmanComedy.com! If you need access to the site, contact Adrienne Munos at United Stations Radio Network at 561-381-7598 or
TINSELTOWN TATTLER…
It’s beingwidely reported that KIM KARDASHIAN and KANYE WEST'S baby's name doesn't start with a K after all. This is hard to believe, but TMZ says they’ve even seen the birth certificate and it lists the baby’s name as North West.A source says they’ll call her Nori for short. They’d talked about the name North awhile back, but no one took them seriously. Kim also joked about naming the baby Easton, as in Easton West. However, some say the story isn’t real and it’s noted that an official announcement has yet to come from the family.
In other baby news… celebrity stylist turned fashion designer RACHEL ZOE and her husband Rodger Berman are expecting their second child…CNN host ERIN BURNETTand husband David Rubulotta are expecting their first baby in November…Olympic swimmer AMANDA BEARD and her husband Sacha Brown welcomed their second child on Wednesday. Daughter Doone Isla Brown was born happy and healthy. The couple are already parents to son Blaise Ray.
A source tells E News that SELENA GOMEZ and ED SHEERAN are not hooking up,despite claims by Us Weekly. The E News source says they’re "just friends," although the two sources agree that they met through TAYLOR SWIFT, who is Ed's tour mate and Selena's BFF.
Supermodel KATE UPTON was spotted getting cozy on Wednesday night with Los Angeles Clippers star Blake Griffin at a New York hotspot where they reportedly danced the night away. Blake and some friends showed up first and then Kate strolled in and joined them. A spy says, “Kate and Blake were cuddling and holding hands. They looked like they were having a great time in each other’s company.” Of course, Kate was also supposedly spotted getting cozy with Dancing With the StarsproMaksim Chmerkovskiy recently, but it turned out to be a ‘just friends’ situation.
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 2…
NIGELLA LAWSON was spotted out and about without her wedding ring. This comes after her husband Charles Saatchi admitted to choking her during a very public spat in a London restaurant. They were later spotted at the same restaurant looking pretty friendly and it was assumed they were working things out. Saatchi has yet to apologize publicly and they’re still living apart.
Actor ARMIE HAMMER is glad to be off the market! Hammer married TV personality Elizabeth Chambers in 2010 after one nearly fatal attraction. Hammer said that one girl he dated tried to stab him when they were having sex! He says she told him, ‘True love leaves scars. You don’t have any’ and then tried to stab him with a butcher knife! Hammer says, “Of course I promptly broke up with her… seven months later.”
RUSSELL BRAND has revealed that he was shot down when he tried to put the moves on MILA KUNIS. It happened when they were filming Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but she turned him down because she was with MACAULAY CULKIN at the time.Brand says Macaulay came by the set the next day and he looked pale and scared of himself and he thought, ‘you can’t (bleep) him – that’s the lad from Home Alone’. Meanwhile, Brand will have some extra time to pursue more women as he’s been forced to cancelsome Middle East dates on his upcoming world tour. Because of his jokes about historical and religious figures he said the venues told him they could no longer guarantee his safety.
JOHN TRAVOLTA is promising to look out for the family of the late JAMES GANDOLFINI. Travolta says he was Gandolfini’s inspiration to get into acting and they later became friends. Gandolfini went to Florida when Travolta’s son Jett died and wouldn’t leave until he felt John was OK. (More on Gandolfini in Dateline Hollywood)
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 3…
PAULA DEEN is defending her use of the “N” word. In a statement, Paula says she was born 60 years ago when the South had segregated schools, different bathrooms, different restaurants and Americans rode in different parts of the bus and that things were different back then. However, Paula said she wouldn't use the word today. It was also revealed that Paula said in the same deposition that she fired the manager of her restaurant because she believed he was having sex with an underage waitress, and then told staff she canned him because she wasn’t prepared to lose all she’d worked for “because of a piece of p*ssy.”
"iCarly" actress MIRANDA COSGROVE is suing over her 2011 tour bus crash, claiming it left her "disfigured and disabled." Miranda was traveling on the bus in Illinois when it slammed into an overturned tractor-trailer on the highway. Miranda suffered a broken ankle in the wreck, but doesn’t get into specifics about the disfigured and disabled part, although she’s saying both drivers involved were driving in an unsafe manner.
RIHANNA has apparently lost some fans among her neighbors. Like Justin Bieber, Rihanna’s neighbors wouldn’t mind seeing her move elsewhere. It’s not so much her, but the trespassers and paparazzi that flock to her place. One neighbor said, "We're quite upset about the publicity. It was a private street and we want to keep it that way."
MILEY CYRUS had a run-in with the paparazzi outside her doctor's office in Beverly Hills the other night. With flashbulbs going off and Miley covering her face, a photographer asked her if she's pregnant and she replied, "No, I'm f*cking sick, you b*tch!" It turns out she has laryngitis. (See here – careful of language)
TINSELTOWN TATTLER 4…
Did LINDSAY LOHAN ask to transfer to yet another rehab facility? The New York Daily News reports she wants to leave Cliffside Malibu, after leaving Betty Ford just one week ago. Lindsay supposedly wants to spend the last 30 days of her sentence at Seafield Center in Westhampton Beach, New York. However, if shecan get into the swanky Lukens Institute in Palm Beach, she’ll go there instead. While her father, Michael Lohan, told Radar Online that Lindsay wants to transfer east, the official line from her rep is that she hasn’t requested a move and the prosecutor and judge won’t go for it anyway.
The latest from the wacky world of AMANDA BYNES is that she considers herself a hero. That’s because she’s managed to live 27 years with a birth defect. That defect is what she says is a "webbing" between her eyes, which she’s having surgically corrected. Amanda tweeted: "I've never been more excited! Now I need a few more surgeries to shave the bridge down to correct the rest of my nose so I can start the next chapter of my career! Music!" As for that next chapter, Wyclef Jean, like Avril Lavigne before him, is denying rumors of a collaboration and says he has no intention of working with Amanda. Next up is Waka Flocka Flame. Amanda also tweeted: "@WakaFlockaBSM we were hanging out as best friends:)," to which Waka replied, "#NewFriends @AmandaBynes."
DATELINE HOLLYWOOD…
New Movies in Theatres…
Monsters University - The animated monsters are back as they tell the story of how Mike and Sully became best buds. Starring: Billy Crystal, John Goodman, Steve Buscemi, and Helen Mirren. (G)
World War Z - A United Nations employeetravels the globe in a race against time to stop a pandemic from destroying humanity. Starring: Brad Pitt, Mireille Enos, James Badge Dale, and Anthony Mackie. PG-13 (for intense frightening zombie sequences, violence and disturbing images)
The Bling Ring - The true story of a group of kids that broke into stars' homes in Hollywood. Starring: Emma Watson, Taissa Farmiga, Leslie Mann, and Israel Broussard. R (for teen drug and alcohol use, and for language including some brief sexual references)
ROBERT DOWNEY JR. has signed on to return as IRON MAN for two more Avengers movies. “The Avengers 2” is slated to hit theaters on May 1st, 2015.
JAMES GANDOLFINI had a number of projects in the works at the time of his death. He’d finished filming the Brooklyn crime drama “Animal Rescue,” which is due out next year. Gandolfini also co-starred in the romantic comedy “Enough Said,” which was filmed last fall, although there’s no release date set.
MUSIC NOTES…
JACK WHITE and JOE JONAS were among the winners of the O Music Awards. White won the analog genius award, while Jonas won best artist Instagram. YOKO ONO took the digital genius award.
New York’s governor signed a measure this week officially designating a section of Route 375 in Woodstock the LEVON HELM Memorial Boulevard in honor of the late drummer for THE BAND.
MADONNA says she regularly broke down into tears on her MDNA world tour because she was so overcome with exhaustion. The 88-date tour grossed more than $305 million in ticket sales, but Madonna says the stress took a toll on her emotional health and on bad nights she’d cry and say, ‘I don’t want to do this.’
JUSTIN BIEBER has confirmed plans to release a new movie and music later this year. No word on what the movie will be about, but he recentlytold fans that they’ll get to hear his new song 'Heartbreaker' later this year.
JUSTIN BIEBER took advantage of the new video feature on Instagram by uploading a clip in which he’s shirtless and says, "So crazy news, guys, there's video on Instagram!" Some are saying Bieber looked a bit stoned! (See here)
If you were hoping to sit down to a meal at FLAVOR FLAV'S Fried Chicken & Ribs in Sterling Heights, Michigan, you’re out of luck. Flav lost his landlord-tenant dispute and was evicted from the building. Flav's people were accused of being over $20,000 behind on rent.
MUSIC NOTES 2…
After complaints from TAYLOR SWIFT fans, Abercrombie & Fitch has stopped selling a T-shirt mocking her numerous ex-boyfriends. The T-shirt read: "# more boyfriends than t.s." Swift fans created a Change.org petition demanding that Abercrombie & Fitch remove the shirt and they bowed to pressure.
CLAY WALKER and his wife Jessica are new parents! They welcomed a baby boy named Elijah Craig Walker last Sunday. Walker tweeted: "Happy FATHERS DAY to me:) ELIJAH CRAIG WALKER..7.8 lbs...a blessing to his mama and me...born last night...GOD bless u Fathers.”
TUBULAR…
Daytime:
GMA: John Legend performs
CBS This Morning: Author Charles Grodin
Today:Daredevil Nik Wallenda; Hunter Hayes performs; actor Harry Connick Jr.; actor Grant Bowler
Kelly & Michael: Robert Downey Jr.; actor Alexander Skarsgard
The View: Guest co-host Ne-Yo; comic Kevin Hart; Reality Show Round Up
The Talk: Guest co-hosts Linda Gray and Pat Harvey; actor Joe Manganiello; actress Denise Richards
Ellen:Dennis Quaid; comic Kate McKinnon; Wayne Pacelle, Humane Society of the United States; Grizzly Bear performs
Primetime:
ABC: AShark Tankrerun, plus What Would You Doand 20/20 are new
CBS: Undercover Boss, Hawaii 5-0and Blue Bloods reruns
Fox: Bones and Following repeats
NBC:Datelineand Rock Center are new
CW: Nikita and Supernatural reruns
Late Night:
Jay Leno:Football’s Terry Bradshaw; comic Steve Byrne; Joseph Arthur performs
David Letterman:Steve Martin; Jenna Fischer; Edie Brickell and Steep Canyon Rangers perform
Jimmy Kimmel:Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock and David Spade; actor Jack Black;2-year-old Titus Ashby goes head to head with Metta World Peace
Jimmy Fallon:Jason Statham; professional football player Adrian Peterson
Craig Ferguson:Maggie Gyllenhaal
Carson Daly:Actor Michael Shannon; journalist Josh Rushing; Foals perform
TUBULAR WEEKEND…
Saturday:
ABC: Zero Hour is new, 666 Park Avenue returns with its unaired episodes, plus 20/20
CBS:An NCIS rerun, plus a new Brooklyn DA and 48 Hours
Fox: Baseball (Games vary be regions)
NBC: NHL playoffs with the Bruins at Blackhawks
Saturday Night Live: Host Louis C.K.; Fun performs (rerun)
Sunday:
ABC: America’s Funniest Home Videos and Castle reruns sandwiched around a new Celebrity Wife Swap with the Palins and Joan Rivers and the new Clue-like game show Whodunit
CBS: 60 Minutes, plus Elementary, Good Wife and Mentalist repeats
Fox:Cleveland Show, American Dad, The Simpsons, Bob's Burgers and Family Guy reruns
NBC:America’s Got Talentreruns, plus the premiere of the international crime drama Crossing Lines
ESPN: Baseball with the Rangers at Cardinals
THE WATERCOOLER…