The Good Samaritan Hospital System Will Be Posting a Position in July

In This Issue:

Pastoral Reflection2

In This Issue:

Pastoral Reflection2

Society to Hold Fall Conference3

A Chaplain Reflects on the Work of Robin Williams4
Meet the Executive Committee6

I Remember a Heartbeat8

Member Offers New Blog10

Spirituality in an Addiction Detox/Rehab Unit12

News and Notes14

Upcoming Events15

Pastoral Reflection

The non-profit organization, Big Brothers/Big Sisters offers adult mentors a way to help underprivileged youth in a variety of ways. The Big Brother/Big Sister offers his or her caring presence so that the Little Brother/Little Sister may know what it means to have someone who really is concerned about him/her.

In a similar way, I have felt that I had a “Big Sister” in Chaplaincy when I first met the Rev. Carolyn Montgomery at my very first Pennsylvania Society of Chaplains event in the Lehigh Valley, probably in 1996 or 1997. By “taking me under wing” and sharing with me her vast wealth of experience, I felt as if I had someone to whom I might turn if I had any questions – especially as I ventured into that “lion’s den” called CPE. 

Since then, I have had the privilege of working with a resident at another hospital. Although I believe that as the BCC my pastoral experience was a benefit to her, I also know that her freshness in the field was a blessing to me. Today we are colleagues as flex chaplains in the hospital where we spent several shifts together during her training.

Is there a chaplaincy training program in the facility where you work or in a nearby facility? If so, might there be opportunities for you to share your knowledge with chaplains in training? Perhaps you may work in a specialty setting (hospice, NICU, pediatrics, etc.). You have valuable experience from which the next generation of chaplains might benefit.

The cumulative experience that we, the chaplains of The Pennsylvania Society of Chaplains have can be an excellent resource for new chaplains. Perhaps you may think of inviting a new chaplain to join, or share a conference brochure with that person. Just as both the Big Brother/Big Sister and the Little Brother/Little Sister benefit from their relationship, so too can our sharing with chaplaincy residents and interns be mutually beneficial.

As always, I welcome your thoughts on this matter for use in a future issue of Chaplain Chatter.

Marianne C. Sailus, B.C.C.

Publications Editor

Pennsylvania Society of Chaplains

to Hold Fall Conference

The Fall Conference of The Pennsylvania Society of Chaplains will be held from Sunday, October 12th through Tuesday, October 14th at The Bonjiorno Conference Center in Carlisle, PA.

The topic for this fall’s event is: “Thanatology and Spiritual Care.” The keynote speaker is Dr. Terry L. Martin. Dr. Martin is an Associate Professor of Psychology and Thanatology at Hood College, Frederick, MD.

Professor Martin has both academic and applied interests in the fields of thanatology and gerontology. He has published widely on these topics, has developed and taught several new graduate courses in thanatology and was instrumental in developing Hood's Summer Institute in Thanatology. Professor Martin is a Certified Grief Therapist and maintains a private practice specializing in dying and grief-related issues. He also consults with several local hospices, nursing homes and the U.S. Veterans Administration, and volunteers for Camp Jamie, a weekend camp for bereaved children sponsored by Hospice of Frederick County.

Dr. Martin has writing more than a dozen chapters of various books, and also co-authored two books with Dr. Kenneth Doka: Grieving Beyond Gender: Understanding the Ways Men and Women Mourn (2010), and Men Don’t Cry, Women Do: Transcending Gender Stereotypes of Grief(1999). He will present three sessions: “Mourning and the Principles of Counseling the Bereaved,” and “Dying and Principles of Caring for the Dying,” and “Historical and Multicultural Perspectives in Thanatology.”

In addition, Carolanne B. Hauck, BCC, NACC, Director of Chaplaincy Care and Education, Lancaster General Hospital, will present the session, “Ministering to the Survivors of Infant Death.” Chaplain Eric Stenman, of Hanover Hospital, will moderate the opening session, “Consider the Conversation,” a DVD presentation with panel discussion.

For those members requiring CEs, a total of ten continuing education credits are available (if attending all sessions). The Pennsylvania Society of Chaplains Membership Meeting will be held Monday, October 13th at 3:00 P.M. All members attending the event are encouraged to be present and participate.

Members have received full information and a registration form. If you are a member and have not received these as yet, please contact Kelly Kleckner at at your earliest convenience so she can e-mail this information to you.

A Chaplain Reflects on the Work of Robin Williams

I am one of millions of people Robin Williams touched throughout his career as an “out of orbit” funnyman. But sometimes it is this “out of orbit stuff” that enables us to not take life so seriously, to be human, and to be able to laugh at ourselves. It is a gift to be able to use one’s talents, even if these talents may seem like a curse to the beholder. If we listened carefully to Robin’s dialogs in many of his films we would have a hard time separating the script from his real life responses. His heart went into his script/dialog and that is what was so moving for me as a spectator to watch and understand. What he was saying or conveyingspoke to a much deeper level than just for the humor.

For example, the pain he conveyed in Mrs. Doubtfire of being a parent that was separated from his child brought tears of pain many a separated couple so often feels when the relationship is severed, or visits are sporadic, at best. The pain his character went through just to be with his child is parallel to the contortions many parents go through just to share a little bit of time with the offspring they brought into this world.

The Bird Cageexamined the awkwardness of being gay and the many trials the homosexual lifestyle can experience. As with all people, the caring relationships established and endeared are very important to those involved in them.

But the one movie in which Robin Williams starred that affected me the most was Patch Adams. Although the humor was exaggerated, it reminded me that as chaplains sometimes we enter a patient’s room with hands folded in the praying position and a morbid look on our faces that would put the fear of death, instead of the love of God, into the patient!

Finding a patient’s funny bone may be the entrance to his or her heart. When fear seems overwhelming or when physical or emotional pain seems to be the center focus, unexpected humor may help to lighten the patient’s concerns. With humor, the patient may seem less threatened, is more receptive of what is being said, and is not weighed down with concrete thoughts, but is lifted up by the lightness of humor. Making fun of ourselves and enjoying a laugh together with the patient can be just what the patient needs and is what Robin showed us. Often healing is more apt to happen when one has a lightened heart.

I was a patient over fifty years ago and recuperating in the hospital for thirty days. I can still recall my minister uncle’s visit. After he entered the room and asked about my condition, he lightened the atmosphere with a couple of corny jokes. Then he talked to the man with whom I was sharing the room and asked about his well-being. He came back to me and got a little more serious and then asked if I would like to have a prayer. He also asked my roommate if he would like to be included in the prayer. After the prayer he closed with some light talk and wished me and my roommate well and left. My roommate (who I found out was an agnostic) thanked him and told me how he appreciated that visited after my uncle left. I also remember how much better I felt after his visit

Back to Williams and the scene of the confrontation he was having with his supervisor in Patch Adams. Adams puts his red clown nose on his face and said, “It’s not the man with pneumonia in room 305 but it is Mr. Jones in room 305 who has pneumonia.” I was in the middle of my internship when I saw the film and it really hit home with me. To this day I note the names of the patients before entering their room and call them by name. I try to keep it light when appropriate, offer prayer when desired, and yes I carry a red rubber nose in my pocket!

Chaplain Rich Conant, Einstein Montgomery, PA

Meet the Executive Committee

Rev. Dorothy Shelly, Event Facility Liaison

Note:In order for all of our members to get to better know the leadership team, we are reinstating a feature entitled, “Meet the Executive Committee.” We will be periodically featuring one or another member of the team, and including a photo of that member for those who may not yet know him or her. This issue we are featuring the Rev. Dorothy Shelly, our “Poet Laureate,” and long-time member.

Dorothy Shelly has served as a chaplain in a faith-based long - term care facility with Phoebe Ministries since 1996. Presently, as well, she is serving as a part-time interim parish pastor in Bucks County. She is a graduate of Lancaster Theological Seminary. She is an ordained minister of the United Church of Christ and has held leadership positions with the Pennsylvania Society of Chaplains and the United Church of Christ Professional Chaplains and Counselors.

Dorothy’s first career was in nursing. “Being a nurse has certainly enlightened my ministry of pastoral care. The two journeys have meshed well. Both are all about people and relationships.”

A lover of good poetry, Dorothy is a passionate perennial flower gardener and an advocate for frequent get-a-ways to Vermont. “Anybody See My Shoes? Poetic Reflections From A Chaplain” and “don’t wait too long: Poetic Reflections” are her published books. Several of her poems have appeared in The Journal of pastoral Care and Counseling, the periodical Faith @ Work, and Vermont Magazine.

A long-time member of Pennsylvania Society of Chaplains (beginning when it was still affiliated with HAP), Dorothy serves as Event Facility Liaison. She works closely with PSoC President, Chaplain John Fureman, PSoC Administrative Assistant, Kelly Klecker, as well as the contact person at The Philip Bonjiorno Conference Center in Carlisle in securing our contract, rooms, and meals. In general, Dorothy strives to make sure our conference attendees are pleased with their arrangements at our events. She also chooses the lovely plants that attendees receive at both the fall and spring conferences, adding beauty to the events.

Dorothy is married to Bruce since 1970, and resides in Telford (Franconia Township), PA. They have one daughter, Donna, and a granddaughter, Kennedy, who reside in Bedford, PA.

I REMEMBER A HEARTBEAT

I remember that it was late afternoon, I was doing rounds. I met a new patient just after doctorsconfirmed the worst: there was nothing that could be done. TM was young and alone. Her water broke; her first baby was coming too early. A medical procedure in the morning would end the pregnancy and baby would die. I remember her face, her tears, her story, her baby. I sat with her.

It would take hours for her husband to get to the hospital. It was just the three of them, no other family or friends in the city, in the country. They had just arrived in America, full of hope for a new future, for their new family. Now hope was gone.

I sat with TM and we counted baby’s heartbeats together. As long as there was a heartbeat he was alive. This was precious time, sacred space. We listened together, hand-in-hand. The lights were off. The sun slowly set outside her window.

TM was Muslim, I am a Christian. We talked about the meaning of life, motherhood, what would happen to baby after he died. We talked about his name – every baby has a name, even one sosmall. We counted heartbeats together.

TWO THINGS:

First, I still remember. The life and death of this precious baby boy stays with me. It informs how I come to my next patient/family. It impacts how I relate to the rest of the medical team. It colors who I am when I enter into the grief of another. It is part of the fabric of my own journey with grief. I still can hear his heartbeat. It is the heartbeat of life; it did not end with death. It continues in memory, in relationship, in love.

Second, I gain courage when I remember. Remembering in itself is a celebration of life, of death, of meaning, of relationship.Just a simple moment in my day remains with both of us for the rest of our lives – because we remember. As TM mourned her child and grieved his death she did so in time and space that I helped create and protect. I am honored to have been a part of Baby M’s story.

Ministry that crosses culture, language, faiths and is all about the death of a baby is hard work. I could have chosen other patients to see, other work to be done. It was daunting to enter that room – and yet, when I focused on a baby’s heartbeat I found the courage to stay. God blessed my courage to both of us.

How many times do we look up at a monitor and only see numbers, a prognosis, an outcome?

Don’t miss the moment. Engage, dive in.

A REMEMBERANCE RITUAL:

I wrote the following poem while waiting to adopt our first child. It is dedicated to GaoBian who died in China before we could bring her safely home. The words also echo the pain and awe of being the parent of a baby lost in miscarriage. We were eight glorious weeks pregnant.

I created the candle lighting ritual to express the agony of “not knowing” what either of my first two babies look like. I wrote it to remember that my heart knows what my eyes never saw. I share it for others who know my sorrow. I read it for myself to remember and to heal again. I share it so that others can heal and remember together.

I have used this poem as a candle lighting ritualofa yearly Service to Remember, part of a perinatal loss bereavement program I developed in Urban Philadelphia.

I Light A Candle To Remember

I light this candle for you

my precious little one

to remember that I love you

from the moment God gave you life

to remember that I know you

without ever holding you in my arms

to remember that you are beautiful

even though my eyes never gazed into your tiny face

to remember that you bring me joy

without ever hearing your voice

to remember that you bring me hope

even though our dreams were never born

and still

I know you, I love you.

You have touched my life

so quietly, so wonderfully

and in your own special way.

I will never be the same because I will always remember

I will always love you.

I light this candle

to show others that I remember

so that we can remember you together today. 

Chaplain Shari Hofstetter, MAR, M.Div.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Copyright 1997

Member Offers New Blog

Chaplain Chuck Shelquist of the Western Maryland Health System has begun a blog with reflections on various aspects of ministry. The following is from his blog: which he invites our members to visit.

Sept. 5 – Sorting out the Confusion

This picture is copied from a catalogue that sells clergy shirts. It illustrates the mystery I became involved in today. I received a common page through the Call Center. A patient wanted to see a priest. Our protocol is for a chaplain to visit the patient first, and then when we call the priest we can give him a better description of the reason he is needed. This patient was not defined as Catholic on our census list, so I checked at the nurse’s station before visiting the patient to make sure I had been given the correct room number from the operator. The room and number and patient were confirmed. When I saw him he told why he wanted to see the priest. I exited the room to contact the priest. I was surprised to learn from the priest that he had been there at 5:30 AM at the request of one of our chaplain volunteers.

When I told the patient he was sleeping when the priest we there he assured me he had not gotten any rest and there must be a mistake. So I went to the nurse’s station to see what they knew about the 5 AM request for a priest. The staff noticed the priest arrive and also saw that he went to the wrong room. So I called the priest back and explained what had happened. The priest assured me he had gone to the correct room. I then went back to the patient and told him the priest would be into see him in the afternoon. I also told him requests for a priest are rarely as confusing to arrange as this one was.

When I asked him what I could do for him in the meantime, he appeared surprised that I was still willing engage in conversation after we finally had the priest request item solved. He did share with his fears and how he prefers to be independent, and his illness is keeping him from being independent. I assured him that losing independence is something that most people do not like when it happens to them. He let me pray with him and through the tears that flowed I could tell the visit had helped him release some of his pent up emotions.

I marveled about the visit as I looked back on it later in the day. The first portion of the visit had me feeling more like a private detective than a chaplain. The second part of the visit suddenly morphed into an opportunity for me to help the patient process emotions. That opportunity to process emotions could have been lost if I had stopped at the fact finding segment. But once I was able to move beyond fact finding the patient and I were able to form a relationship where enough trust was present to allow honest sharing of emotions to take place. This encounter proves again that one never knows what unexpected turns will take place in task of meeting the patient’s needs.