<Raistlin Stumbles Into Weis and Hickman S Office>

Raistlin

<Raistlin Stumbles into Weis and Hickman’s office>

Margaret: Raist! How are you doing? So good to see you!

Tracy: Sit down, Raistlin, we need to talk.

Raistlin: Yes, I always love to talk with old friends. I hope you don’t want me for another season. After all, it was terrible there in the Abyss… <Evil smile>

Margaret: That’s the point. The fans demand it. We want to fix you a small comeback.

Tracy: <whispers> Small and very temporary…

Raistlin: Well, I have no intend to have a small, despised part…

Margaret: No, no, it’s a big complicated role…

Raistlin: Fine, speak up and do it quickly. My position us getting cold.

Margaret: Look, Raist, we want to bring you back to the world as a temporaty advisorfor you nephew. You know, Palin. He can’t really get along and we’re counting on him for some more seasons, so we thought it would be nice if he’ll learn from a professional.

Tracy: And a big bastard…

Raislin: Me? An advisor? What next? A social worker in School of Magic? Excuse me, but it’s not for me. I’m coming back to the Tower of Palanthas, call me if you’ll have something serious…

Margaret: No, Raist! You didn’t understand! It’s very sophisticated! During the entire book Palin really adores you! Worships you!

Raislin: Adores? Worships? Sounds nice. Go on.

Margaret: It’s like that – New dark knights of Takhisis conquer part after part of the north and…

Raistlin: With all due respect, Margaret, I have better things to do than listening you. Get to the point.

Tracy: Bastard…

Margaret: Sorry, Raist. Anyway, a new force comes to the world – Chaos, father of the gods – and tries to destroy it.

Raistlin: And then I face him with my great power, while betraying and using my family and friends?

Margaret: Not exactly. Palin, Tas, Reorox and Sturm’s son…

Raistlin: “Sturm’s son”? Who’s the mother?

Tracy: Your sister.

Raistlin: Kit? You made me relation of Sturm? It better be worth it…

Margaret: It will be worth it. Don’t worry. Anyway, the four of them fight Chaos and luckily defeat him.

Raistlin: And I fight with them? Help a little, then kill them all and take the treasure?

Margaret: No. You see, Raist, you’re coming back without your magic power.

Raistlin: What? How dare you? If you want a comeback, do it with Sturm! I quit!

Margaret: No, Raist! It will be good, really. You’ll watch from the side and laugh at them!

Raistlin: Fine, I’m listening.

Margaret (To Tracy): I told you I know what will satisfy him…

Raistlin: Tell me about Palin.

Margaret: Oh, that’s good. It’s a story about love, good against evil…

Raistlin: Margaret, don’t waste my time. I don’t care about the story. What does Palin do?

Margaret: His two brothers are killed in a battle of the Knights of Solamnia.

Raistlin: Great, Knights in the family.

Margaret: Anyway, he wears the white robes…

Raistlin: White robes? Are you kidding me?

Tracy: I had enough. Raist, we offer you double salary.

Raistlin: Why didn’t you say before? I’m in, but I have conditions! Black robes from velvet only, someone that’ll make my position every hour, rabbit’s silhouette after work and at least do some power demonstrations in the book.

Magaret: Don’t worry, just sign.

Margaret: Yes, we signed him up!

Tracy: I hate him…

Tas

Tas: Hellllllloooooo! Did you call me?

Margaret: Yes. Look, Tas, it’s about the new book.

Tas: If it’s about that spellbook, I swear I was gonna give it back to Raist! I really didn’t mean to give it to that little kid. Do you think he went crazy after that has something to do with it? I thought that he’ll turn to a cricket. That’s what Raistlin always said…

Tracy: Tas! Em, It has nothing to do with the spellbook. We need you for the new season…

Margaret: Tas, Chaos will crash you.

Tas: Ho! How wonderful!

Tracy: I don’t think you understood…

Tas: It should be interesting. I was never crashed by a god, father of the gods!

Margaret: Really? You’re far behind…

Tracy: <Looks at her nervously>

Tas: You think so? I really should start…

Tracy: Hay, give that laptop back!

Tas: Ah, it’s yours? Must have fallen into my pocket by mistake…

Tracy: So would you please give it back?

Tas: Er, sure… <whispers> damn, he caught me, I thought it’ll work this time…

Margaret: Raistlin will be in Abyss, and you’ll go with Palin to bring him back and Queen of Darkness will be very angry…

Tas: She’ll never be angry with me, especially after last nigh- err, never mind. Okay, it’ll take the job in one condition!

Tracy: What?

Tas: I want a meeting with Flint and a silver spoons set.

Margaret: <with relief> No problem.

Tracy: Hay, what are you doing with that spoon?

Tracy: Hmm, I have an idea…

Tanis

Margaret: Hello, Tanis. Please sit down.

Tracy: We need to talk.

Tanis: Yes. About what? <Counting the dollars in his head>

Margaret: About the new book. Dragons of Summer Flame. I guess you already heard about it.

Tains: Oh, I heard. This Palin keeps babbling that’s he’s going to star. You should have seen Caramon and Tika showing off because they’re genes are going to run around 500 pages.

Tracy: Hm. Yeh. Tanis, we want to discuss your part.

Tanis: <yawns> what’s this time? Saving the world from the evil? Doing another heroic act? Share the readers with the endless struggle of my tormented soul? No problem.

Margaret: Actually, no. Tanis, you must leave.

Tanis: Leave? Where? Leave Solamnia or something?

Margaret: You don’t seem to understand. You’re leaving. Forever. Gone. Dead.

Tanis: Dead?!

Tracy: Yes. <Scowls> I told Margaret to keep you but…

Margaret: Oh, shut up, Tracy. I know he’s your favorite character, but you mustn’t involve feelings with business.

Tracy: Really? And what about this Raistlin industry? He is going to return big time in this book, and he’s dead!

Margaret: <Blushes>

Tanis: What?! This wizard is going to have another season?! Why always he? What he got that I don’t have, ha?

Margaret: Profitability.

Tracy: No offence, Tanis… he attracts the readers. They want him to stay. If it’s comforts you, Tas will die too in this book.

Tanis: Ha! I’ve already heard that he signed for another trilogy! This serious is becoming like “Bold and the Beautiful”.

Margaret: Look, you’ll die and that’s it. Full stop.

Tracy: Don’t worry; we’ll fix it all nice and clean…

Tanis: <Bitterly> you’ll probably just stab me in the back.

Margaret: As a matter of fact, yes.

Tanis: What? I can’t believe it! Why are you killing me now? Why are you killing me and leaving Riverwind? You can’t say that he is profitable.

Margaret: But he is deprived… he came yesterday and complained that we ignore him. He was very insulted when he found out that Goldmoon signed for two more trilogies.

Tracy: We had to give him a whole book. Have you ever heard about Chris Pierson?

Tanis: A whole book? Just for killing him? You gave me barely a few chapters! It is not fair! It’s only because I’m half-elf. I’ll sue you for racism!

Tracy: Tanis, relax.

Tanis: No, I won’t relax! You won’t get away with this!

Margaret: Security!

Tanis: <screams> I’ll be back! Just you wait! I’ll get my revenge!

Tracy: Well, that wasn’t easy. Who’s next?

Margaret: Usha. She’s new. We should explain the whole thing again.

Tracy: Oh goody. I hate the newbies.