Men and Social Isolation

Men’s Health Peer EducationHEALTH PROMOTION
Social participation (Tab 14)

Social participation

Contents

Learning outcomes

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Men and social isolation

Social participation and mateship

Ways to increase social participation

Social participation and leadership

Retirement and social participation

Talking with a mate about social participation

Further information

Reviewed: 08/10/2015Page 1/13

Men’s Health Peer EducationHEALTH PROMOTION
Social participation (Tab 14)

Social participation

Learning outcomes

On completion of this module, and with further directed activities, MHPE volunteers should be able to:

explain simply what the term ‘social participation’ means

describe some health risks associated with social isolation

state three risk factors of social isolation for men

state four benefits of ongoing mateship

list six means of men increasing social participation

discuss the importance of social planning in preparation for retirement.

Staying physically well improves your social life. Being socially active is good for your physical health.

Acknowledgments

Information in this section has been obtained from the following sources:

• Department of Health and Ageing. National Male Health Policy Supporting Document. Social determinants and key actions supporting male health, 2010.
  DHA website (
• Department of Veterans’ Affairs, Veterans Health Week materials, 2011.
  DVA website (
• Holt-Lunstad, J et al. Social Relationships and Mortality Risk: a Meta-analytic Review. PLoS Med 7(7), July 2010.
  PLOS website (
• Social Inclusion Week website(

Introduction

There are many words used to describe the complex effects people have on and with one another. Relationships, marriage, parenting, friendship, mateship and many others have different meanings and connotations, but all involve interaction between two or more people. The focus of this section is less on the intimate or immediate family relationship, and more on the importance, for men, of connection with the broader community.

Even at this community level, there are many terms used to describe the interaction of an individual with others: social integration, social inclusion, social networks, interpersonal relationships, social activity and so on. We will use the term ‘social participation’ for this complex issue that we all understand, even if the scholars can’t agree what to call it!

Social participation means choosing to actively do things with and around other people, such as volunteering, church attendance and seeing friends, all of which have been found to be associated with lower mortality. In the largest review of nearly 150 studies, it was found that being socially connected to friends, family, neighbours and workmates increased survival over time by 50%. The negative effects of loneliness on wellbeing were calculated as being as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes a day or severe alcohol abuse, and greater than the impact of obesity or no exercise.

It is estimated that nearly a quarter of Australians aged over 65 are socially isolated, or at risk of being so. Social activity in later life reduces the risk of cognitive decline and dementia. There is no doubt that spending time with others is good for your health, and should be as much part of the MHPE health promotion message as eating well and exercising regularly.

Social participation means choosing to actively do things with and around other people

Men and social isolation

It is frequently pointed out that men’s support networks are less extensive than women’s, leaving men more at risk of mental health problems. Social participation provides men with similar benefits to successful marriage, such as pleasure, contentedness, greater resilience, better physical and mental health, and higher work productivity. Of course time alone is also important for balance, and some men need more space than others. Being alone, however, does not necessarily equate with loneliness.

Loneliness is associated with lack of social support and friendships. Men from early adulthood until old age tend to experience feelings of loneliness more than women, especially if they live alone or are single parents. Men’s relationships have often evolved from being part of a group: school, sporting teams, military service or the workplace. Some veterans find leaving the ADF is like leaving their family. While women are more likely to develop new relationships over time, many men struggle to find new friends when disconnected from the group.

Older men are particularly vulnerable to social isolation, as they often live alone, may have travel limitations or health problems, and are out of the workforce. However, older men may have much to offer, through friendship, skill-sharing, mentoring, and father and grandfather roles.

Some men may feel that they do not need friends and social networks as much as women, but the evidence tells us otherwise. Quite simply, men are healthier if they maintain social contacts. Social participation can include family and friends, voluntary and charity work, being members of ex-service, sporting and community organisations, attending church, or being involved in interest groups such as men’s sheds. Skype, the telephone and Facebook and other social media can all be useful ways of staying in contact, but can’t replicate the warmth of direct engagement. Of course it is also up to family, friends and communities to keep in touch with men who are at risk of social isolation.

Look out for mates at times of risk of social isolation: Risks include illness or injury, moving house, separation or divorce, transport problems, retrenchment, retirement, and bereavement.

Social participation and mateship

Mateship is a great example of the strength of the veteran community, in which people look after each other, recognise difficulties and stress, and provide support and advice when needed. Having a mate to talk to and listen can help you get things in perspective.

Friendships require time and effort to maintain. Good mates can be family, old or new friends, carers or colleagues—they are someone on whom you can rely in good and bad times. Sometimes a trusted person might be a partner or relative, other times a good mate is a better choice. You can talk to mates in confidence about things you wouldn’t discuss with your family. They may annoy you at times, but that might be the time a mate needs you the most.

You can help mateship grow by:

• having a positive, open and accepting attitude towards people and accepting others’ differences
• treating people the same way you would like to be treated
• committing time and energy
• curbing urges to criticise others’ failures or weaknesses
• not making comparisons; there is always someone better or worse off
• avoidinggossip.

Friendships, like gardens, need to be maintained

Many men find it hard to make new friends, or keep in touch with existing mates, because they may take a back seat to other priorities such as work or family. Some men have not developed the skills needed to start a new friendship, or have relied on a common purpose for past friendships. Friends can grow apart due to changing interests or lifestyle, but investing time and effort in your mates can provide great enjoyment and comfort.

If a mate is experiencing problems, it is important to try to keep in contact, even though he may want to see people less than usual. It’s natural to worry when a friend is troubled, however difficult it may be to support him. Many people who do manage to keep friendships in tough times feel that they are stronger as a result. Being connected to others is also a key element of recovery from mental health problems.

Mates can also:

• increase your sense of belonging and purpose
• boost your happiness
• reduce stress
• laugh and cry with you
• help you cope with traumas, such as divorce, serious illness, job loss or bereavement
• encourage you to improve lifestyle factors, such as reducing drinking or increasing exercise
• insulate you from the risk of loneliness.

Repairing a friendship

Friendships have their ups and downs, and sometimes end, but can also get stronger because the challenge was overcome. If you value a friendship, then it is worth working through issues to strengthen the relationship.

Repairing a friendship builds character, requires courage and is more difficult than letting the friendship collapse:

• take responsibility for your part in the problem
• if you feel comfortable, then have a heart-to-heart chat; you might initiate this safely via a letter, phone call or email
• think carefully about how you broach your concerns (they may not be aware that you are upset); consider asking:

–‘What’s going on at the moment?’

–‘I would like to talk about our conversation the other day?’

–‘I am feeling upset about what you said’

• listen to your friend’s side of the story, and discuss the issues honestly; express your feelings, ask for or give an apology if appropriate, then shake hands and move on.

Ways to increase social participation

Stay connected: Maintaining contact with mates and family members is great for your mental health, providing a sense of belonging and support.

Join a group: Being a veteran means sharing something in common with a large group of people. Ex-service organisations may help you find people with a common interest, but look beyond to community groups such as sporting clubs, community gardens and car enthusiast organisations.

Get fit: Exercising with a mate can be a fun and healthy way to stay socially connected, and increases the likelihood of both of you staying active. Join a walking group through your GP or the Heart Foundation (see ‘Choose health: be active’).

Eat together: Invite friends or family to a meal, barbecue or picnic in the park. It’s less work and more fun if everyone brings a plate to share.

Share your passion: Having a hobby or activity can provide a feeling of satisfaction; even solitary interests, such as painting or cooking, can be more rewarding if you belong to a group that shares the passion. Creative juices flowing?—join an art co-op. Play guitar?—start a band! Have a skill?—teach it!

Take an interest in others: It can be daunting to initiate contact, so show interest in something that appeals to the other person. This may reduce your initial nerves and open a discussion on safe grounds.

Initiate a conversation: If you see someone regularly, such as a neighbour or shop attendant, take the time to say more than ‘hello’; share a joke or make a comment on a local issue.

Build bridges: Call a family member, mate or old work colleague you haven’t seen in a while. The veteran community has a lot to offer and there are people who are missing out on the benefits that can be experienced; they might just need an old friend to invite them along.

Try a new activity: Ever wanted to go parachuting, visit a museum, ride an unfamiliar bike path, try Somalian food or go on a chocolate tour? Do it with your mate or a family member and double the fun.

Learn a new skill: Computer programming, line dancing, train spotting and cave diving—to mention a few—all have enthusiasts who will show you the basics or teach you in a class.

Use the internet: There are ‘chat rooms’ and interest groups for every topic you can imagine, from military history to stuffed toys. Although probably not as good as meeting in person, it may be a starting point for building confidence and friendship. There is, however, a risk that internet activities, like gaming, can take the time that is better spent with ‘real’ people.

Create partnerships: Ex-service and local community organisations often share a common purpose: to create welcoming environments for health and social benefit. Take the lead through encouraging groups to work together for mutual success.

Visit a men’s shed: Created as a place where men can talk ‘shoulder to shoulder’, sheds are all over Australia and are often supported by DVA grants and ex-service organisations. Always wanted to try wood turning…?

Help others: It is part of the Australian way of life to help a mate. Become active in your ex-service organisations or church, or help with literacy classes at the local school. Going the extra mile to assist someone can be rewarding, create new friendships, and is good for your mental health.

Set some goals: Keep a diary of your activities (and inactivity!) for a fortnight, then highlight those that involve other people. Use this to help plan how to better use your time in ways that increase social participation, using some of the ideas above.

Be a champion: Take the lead and set the example yourself. Become a champion of a healthy lifestyle and staying connected. Start a Cooking for 1 or 2 program, arrange a car pooling roster, or challenge another group to a social sporting competition. How can you take the lead?

‘Keep in touch’ we say. Some men never do.

Social participation and leadership

Leaders are sometimes elected or promoted to a role, and at other times emerge in times of need. We have seen examples in natural disasters, war and conflict, on the sporting field or in the workplace. Leadership essentially involves influencing others to achieve a common goal. Leadership demonstrates commitment and provides a guide for others. The ex-service community is a shining example of leadership in action, with its volunteering ethos and efforts on behalf of veterans and the broader community.

The Men’s Health Peer Education program is designed to provide leadership within the ex-service community, guiding men to better health through example and information.

Often people lead due to experience. You may have found yourself or a mate to be lonely in the past, have an insight into the health risks that can arise, and know the benefits of reconnection. A phone call to VVCS, or a chat with an old friend, might be all it takes to change a man’s path in life. Helping others can be a great boost to your own mental health. Creating connections and building support networks has widespread benefit. Take the lead and you may find that it’s not just your mate that benefits from social participation.

Retirement and social participation

Retiring is a time that most men know may reduce their social participation. As a predictable event that usually involves significant financial planning, it is surprising how few men plan for the social changes that occur.

Work is the central element, outside the family, for many men’s social participation. Most men do not replace this with volunteering, and so must find other ways of using their time. For some men this disconnection from the workplace, and increased time in the home with their partner, presents new social challenges. Many take the opportunity to spend more time with friends and family; others find themselves lonely and unsure how to use their time.

Apart from asking your mates about their super plan, here are some questions that might invite a broader discussion:

• How will you spend your time? Really!
• What are your interests and how can you develop them before retirement?
• Should retirement be abrupt, or is a gradual reduction in work a better option?
• How will home life have to adjust, with partner, children and domestic duties all part of the mix?
• Is there space for community involvement, such as volunteering? What should that be?
• Will there be opportunities to stay in touch with workmates, such as a past staff club or ex-service organisation, or just organising lunch or a drink?

Life’s ups and downs are part of what builds resilience, making us more robust for the inevitable challenges of later years. While you are encouraged to deal well with the ‘downs’ (tell others, see your GP or VVCS etc), it is also important to seek and enjoy pleasure in your life. This might be spending time with family or mates, enjoying hobbies, enjoying movies or music, or travelling. Wherever possible try to share these activities with others: you then have someone to discuss the experience, thus extending the pleasure, and being in company is itself good for your wellbeing.

Staying physically active, eating well and getting enough sleep all contribute to being able to participate fully in family and social activities.

Talking with a mate about social participation

Being alone, or lonely, can become a habit. Some men see few problems with maintaining the habit, or many hurdles in overcoming it; it is simply easier to stay alone. For some men, unpleasant social experiences or lack of social skills can have a lifetime impact. In the absence of self-motivation, it may be a family member, mate or MHPE volunteer who can help re-connection.