IS IT ME?
by Tony Devaney Morinelli
CAST: 2 females
SETTING: 2 chairs. One woman in a dress. One woman in a suit. ( Costumes may be imagined)
INTENT: Conversations in which the speaker is talking to herself.
Working out small movements between two people.
Simple physical comedy.
(TWO WOMEN WAITING FOR A JOB INTERVIEW. Each is holding a clip board with a job application attached and a pen.)
A: (She reads) NAME...... ( and fills in)
B: (Reading) DATE OF BIRTH ......
A: (Glancing sideways at B) I wonder how old she is?
B: Is she what they're looking for?
A: I wonder what type she is?
B: I should have worn the suit.
A: Would the dress have been more feminine?
B: She has presence in that suit.
A: A dress is less threatening. Especially to another woman.
B: I knew I got here too early.
A: Why are they running late?
B: I wonder if they do this on purpose so that you see what you're up against.
A: Well at least I know what the competition looks like.
B: A bit hard looking if you ask me.
A: She looks too much like a push-over.
B: Where did I read that they make you wait on purpose.
A: All this waiting. My feet are sweating.
(She pushes one shoe off, notices a smell - puts her hand lightly to her nose - then catches herself and tries to get it back on.)
B: Am I sweating?
A: What do I smell?
B: I can't look under my arms.
A: Is that me?
B: Why did I wear this silk dress?
A: I should have bought new shoes.
B: I feel so stupid.
A: Is that my feet?
B: (Touches under her arm) Doesn't feel wet.
A: Can't be me.
B: Smells like feet.
A: Maybe its her.
B: Something smells odd.
A: It's not me.
B: Maybe its her.
A: Could be her.
(B drops her pen intentionally and tries to lean over and "sniff" A while A tries the same)
(The next two exchanges are delivered at the same time)
______
B: ( awkwardly) Oh! I AM sorry!
A: Oh! Excuse me!
______
B: Lovely shoes!
A: Lovely dress you have on.
______
B: Oh, I ...... (laughs at the awkwardness of the situation)
A: Yes, I ...... (laughs)
B: I suppose I dropped my pen.
A: Yes, and so did I.
B: These things are such a worry aren't they?
A: So much pressure.
B: How long have we been here?
A: I don't know. (Looks at her watch) It's been about an hour.
B: An hour!
A: They do make you wait.
B: Well, why should we?
A: Because we want the job.
B: But who wants to work for a place that shows no consideration for their employees?
A: Yes, they could have been more considerate.
B: Yes, indeed.
A: Especially , well , you know. The way they schedule.
B: The way they schedule.
A: Two of us at the same time.
B: What time was your appointment?
A: Eleven.
B: Eleven! I have eleven!
A: No consideration.
B: None.
A: I'd leave if I were you.
B: You would.
A: Yes, indeed. I'd leave.
B: Well, I should think you'd want to go right in there and give them a piece of your mind.
A: What good would that do? They don't care. Just leave and let them wonder.
B: Why should I leave? Why don't you leave?
A: I don't mind waiting.
B: Well, neither do I.
A: Are you really just going to sit there?
B: I have time.
A: It doesn't offend you?
B: I'm a patient person. Anyone can make a mistake.
A: And you're going to let them walk all over you, just like that - right from the start?
B: Walk all over me?
A: Walk all over you. No consideration.
B: I can wait.
(Pause)
A: You know my dear, I did notice. Of course, if you're going to wait, you want to present your best side.
B: My best side?
A: I mean you wouldn't want to go in there and .... well, ... you know,.... offend.
B: Offend?
A: Well, there is a certain, ..... smell.
B: Smell?
A: I mean, in all the rush, ... The excitement,..... any one can forget their roll-on.
B: Roll - on?
A: (Whispers) Deodorant, dear.
B: Oh, oh my! (panic stricken, she feels under her arms) IS IT ME? Oh, I knew it was me!
A: Don't be embarrassed. It can happen. We're only human after all.
B: Oh, I'm mortified. It's a good thing I didn't go in there.
A: Good thing you caught it in time.
B: They haven't seen me yet. I'll go out to the pay phone and call in to say I'm sick. I'm sure they'll re-schedule.
A: Of course they will.
B: (Sniffing and touching under her arm as she runs off.) Oh, my goodness!
A: Well, that was rather easy wasn't it?
(Silence. She resumes filling in the form. She hesitates. Sniffs. Takes off her shoe. Sniffs. Raises her foot to her nose.)
A: UUUUGHHHH! IT IS ME!!!! (She runs off.)