If You Suddenly Became Ill, Would There Be Someone There to Help

If you suddenly became ill, would there be someone there to help? If you had just touched a Death Contact Poison, would you have been rescued? Don't worry, the substance you may have touched on this envelope wasn't a poison, but it could have been, if you had been targeted via the new Cullions Guild program, Guaranteed Revenge!

Introducing a new service sponsored by the Ashbury Cullions Guild!

~~~ Guaranteed Revenge! ~~~

There comes a time in every intelligent creature's life when they have to take a stand! Have you been deceived by someone you thought you could trust? Is there someone in your life that is due their Just Desserts? Did someone rub your fur/horns/feathers the wrong way? Has that other group searched one too many of your kills!

Before today, the upstanding citizen would have little recourse to these awful, malicious acts. But now, there is a choice!

Now, you can take the law into your own hands!

With our team of experts, we will elucidate the truth via the most unscrupulous and cruel means possible.

Here's how it works:

-First, you give our crack team of experts a call.

-We will then discretely return the call and find out more about your particular problem.

-If we determine that your problem is appropriate (see below) we will take on the assignment. Our think-tank will devise a suitable punishment for the crime.

-We will then carry out or sub-contract* the work to your satisfaction.

*We only sub-contract to trusted, licensed mercenaries. Sorry, license numbers are not available upon request.

Still skeptical? Listen to what some of our clients have to say

about our Guaranteed Revenge service! (The names and situations have been changed to protect the involved parties)

"We run a clean barony, so when we found out that Squire Evar had been bringing his Half-Orc friends over to the Ducal Estate for wild parties, we had to stop him. Three warnings later, he was now bringing over Wild Elves. Things couldn't have gotten worse. Then the Baron brought up Guaranteed Revenge at a closed meeting. After those travelling Gypsies were done with him, he couldn't even look at an intoxicant!"

"Primero and Segundo seemed nice enough. But when they started travelling with us, we noticed that the monsters never had quite as much treasure on them. We waited a while before asking them about it... until we were sure. But they both denied it completely. They were nice guys, and they spelled us up a lot but they kept nabbing all the best treasure. That's when we called Guaranteed Revenge. A few weeks later, Segundo found Primero lying in his under-armor and unconscious behind a building. The next day, Segundo found Primero in the same position. They still take more than their fair share of their kills but morale in the group has gone up tremendously!"

"Our party has only been travelling together for a few months. We're still working out the kinks amongst ourselves but Guaranteed Revenge has helped us a lot. First off, they offered our party discounted rates in light of our experience level. The biggest problem had been Wormy. She's really good with a lockpick but every day she would Waylay a few of us 'for fun'. We didn't find any humor in it and told her so but she didn't believe us. Then one day she disappeared for a few hours. When she came back, she had the biggest lump on her head but wouldn't say a word about it. From that day on, standing in front of her has been perfectly safe... if you are her friend!"

"A few weeks ago, I gave my 'friend' Crusty a locked box that he was supposed to deliver to another friend. In the box was my most prized magic item, a Life item. A few hours later, he told me this story about how he was attacked and lost the item. I didn't believe him but I said nothing at the time. I called Guaranteed Revenge to verify his story. They were clever enough to find out about his sick sister in Dover, a 2 day walk away. They sent a messenger to him, saying that she was dying. Along the way, his party came across a farmer giving birth to a baby. When the baby was born, the mother suddenly died, needing a Life Spell. Luckily, Crusty had an item that could save the mother. Unluckily, (for him!) the entire event was staged. I got my item back and everyone knows who the trustworthy one is..."

"So there I was in the tavern, thinking about the good old days in Myrr. This guy walks by, steps on my tail and and mumbles something. The next thing I know, I smell the faintest bit of mint and that guy is sitting in the dimly lit corner, pointing and laughing with his pals... Well, I paid for the damage I did to the tavern. But thanks to the help of some "friends" he's paying too..."

Of course, we can't take on every case that comes to us. We may refuse if the job is too large, dangerous or if no injustice has been committed. We are an avenue of last resort. We aren't inexpensive. Rates are determined on an individual basis so give us a call. Be assured that your Confidentiality is guaranteed. Whether we take your case or not, the details will never leave our confidence. Ask about our money back guarantee!

Don't wait another day! Call us today!

Instructions on how to contact us are circulating through town.

Cullion