Hey Jodhi, Here S What a Real Person S Life Looks Like
Hey Jodhi, here’s what a real person’s life looks like
by: Susie O’Brien, Herald Sun, May 29, 2015 12:41PM
Jodhi Meares enjoys rising with the sun. Source: News Limited
THERE’S Jodhi Meares, and there’s Me. Here is 24 hours in the life of a normal person.
Meares: “I like to rise with the sun – there’s a certain sanity which comes with getting up at first light”.
Me: “I don’t like to rise when the alarm goes off at 6am but I have no choice. There’s a certain sanity that comes from wearing ear buds so I can’t hear kids screaming over who’s got control of the TV remote.”
Meares: “I’m like Forrest Gump — I walk as much as I can.”
Me: “I spend my entire life driving others around and walk as little as I can. I have been known to drive three blocks from my house to drop the kids at school.”
Meares: “Before I leave home, one of the first things I always do is drink warm water and lemon to alkalise my body and cleanse my blood, kidneys and liver.”
Me: “Before I leave home, one of the first things I always do is make sure my skirt is not tucked into my undies. I drink two industrial-strength coffees to get me through the morning. I once drank lemon and warm water and it looked like a big glass of wee.”
Meares: “When I was 26 I did a pretty full-on detox and it’s a habit that’s stuck”.
Me: “I once did a detox, but it made my breath smell like rabbit poo and turned my urine green. I got so hungry that I started to eat my own hair and hallucinate about crazy mess-up celebrities who think they’re godesses.”
Meares: “I practice at Dharma Shala, where they teach a beautiful vinyasa [flowing] style”.
Me: “The only exercise I get is running late for meetings, tossing ideas around in my mind and throwing a hissy fit.”
Meares: “After my class I grab a pressed juice or a chai tea — I gave up coffee years ago.”
Me: “After work I grab a very large serve of fries and a hamburger. I gave up sanctimonious organic vegan horses**t years ago.”
Meares: “If I’m about to get on a plane and need a massive immunity boost, I see my doctor for a course of vitamin C that’s administered intravenously.”
Me: “If I am about to get on a plane I celebrate with a huge glass of chardy. If I could have that administered intravenously throughout the flight, I would.”
Meares:“Instead of doing conference meetings or coffee meetings, I ask people to do walking meetings.”
Me: “I can’t stand people who insist on walking meetings. How are you going to impress your boss with your natural brilliance when you are panting and have large sweat marks under your arms?”
Meares: “My idea of dressing up is a soft-suited blazer from YSL or Isabel Marant. Nothing structured.”
Me: “My idea of luxury dressing up is nothing I have had to handwash or iron. Most of the people who make my clothes are too embarrassed to put their name on the labels.”
Meares: “It’s ridiculous how many yoga mats I own: I keep five in Hawaii, store a few in New York with friends, keep at least four at home — and I’ve lost count of how many there are in the office.”
Me: “I own no yoga mats. Once I did a hot yoga class and paid $45 for the privilege in bathing on another man’s sweat.”
Meares: “I’ve got three wardrobes” and am building another one in my guest room. One is purely devoted to shoes. At a guess I’d say I have at least 50 pairs, mostly Nike and Adidas.”
Me: “One of my cupboards is purely devoted to clothes, most of which no longer fit and have seen better days. At a guess I’d say I have 10 pairs of shoes, some of which I bought shopping while drunk and have never worn.”
Meares: “I just bought a pair of Valentino camo sneakers which I wouldn’t trek in, but they’re perfect for cruising to the office and stopping off in Crown Street to grab a super-greens juice en route.”
Me: “I just spent $150 buying my kids the latest Nike sneakers, but bought myself knock-offs at Big W. They are perfect for cruising to the local shops to pick up bread and milk.”
Meares: “For brekkie I have wholegrain toast with smashed avocado or an eggwhite omelette”.
Me: “For brekkie I have vegemite toast if there is enough time and if the children have left me any bread. I once ordered an eggwhite omelette but it tasted and looked like snot.”
Meares: “I’m obsessed with Gypsy Water by Byredo Parfums at the moment: lots of yummy amber, sandalwood and juniper berries.”
Me: “I’m obsessed with remembering to put on deodorant before I leave the house: lots of yummy chemicals masking the fact that I sweat like a horse.”
Meares: “My work uniform could only be described as casual. Upside shorts in summer. Leggings in winter. A basic fleece or crew.”
Me: “My work uniform could only be described as uninspired and basic involving any piece of clothing that is clean and stain-free.”
Meares: “There are seven staff in the office and we’re all great friends — they’re basically who I hang out with.”
Me: “Most of the people in my office are forced to work together for 60 hours a week regardless of whether they like each other or not.”
Meares: “I can only cope with about five or six hours cooped up in an office, so sometimes I’ll try and make a 6pm yoga class”.
Me: “I can only cope with about five or six hours cooped up in an office, so sometimes I’ll try and make a 6pm drinking session at the local pub.”
Meares: “We hardly ever eat at home and love a great pasta, so we go to Nino’s [Cafe Nino] or Big Mama’s in Woollahra.”
Me: “We always eat at home and love a great pasta. Sometimes we go to Nando’s or get Big Macs.”
Meares: “In summer I’ll often finish the day with a swim at one of Sydney’s harbour beaches.”
Me: “In summer I’ll often finish the day sitting on the back deck of my suburban house 900km from one of Sydney’s harbour beaches, thinking about how normal my life is compared to wanky cashed-up celebrities who don’t realise everyone is laughing at them behind their backs.”
For the article complete the following questions:
- What is the social issue being discussed in the article?
- What does the author of the article think of Johdi Meares?
- Identify two satirical devices and provide an example from the article
- What audience do you think this article was written for and why?
- Write a partner paragraph (paragraph that is similar in theme and message) based on the same social issue which uses two satiric devices.