Father of the Groom speech
Paul and Andreas Wedding
June 13, 2015
Arrgh, ahoy there me hearties; I’vegot a few words for ee!!If yer be hearing I, say Yarrgh!
After thepirate cruise you might thinkPaul and Andrea met each other on the Spanish Main; but their friendshipstartedat the NASA HQ just a few blocks from here. Space is in their blood.
Paul always liked science fiction and strategy games andfor the White House, he wrote a brilliant rejection of the Death Star Petition, single handedly saving 850 quadrillion dollars! Andrearecentlybecame a professional SF writer with a great storypublished in ClarkesWorld.
Pleasegive thesetwo space pirates a hearty round of applause!
Thank you allfor being here. It’s great you could make the journey; and a special thanks to anyone fromanothertime zoneor galaxy. Pleaseenjoy all that Paul and Andreaarranged;and for those on vacationwe hope you have a wonderful timein this quadrant.
We are very pleased that Paul and Andreamarried. They are well suited to each other.
Paul is, as they say in Boston, “Wicked Smart”,honest, but cunningenough to win many of the strategic games he plays,as some here can confirm. Paul met his match in Andrea, whoisalso “wicked smart” and is practical and energetic. They both work hard and like: games, home improvement, mountain treks and remote Caribbean hideaways. Arrgh!
They are good for each other and willbe in the years ahead.
We long hoped Paul and Andrea would marry and,one Christmas Day,Paul hid an engagement ringin a slice of Christmas pudding. When Andrea found it she was very quiet and then said “Does this mean what I think it means”; andwe are all delighted that it did! Yarrgh!
Last month onmy birthday, Paul gave me a beer glass inscribed, “Father of the Groom”. But, we pirates fear the curse of the black spot; Arrh! What would happen if I broke the glass before the wedding? Somedisaster would occur and the wedding would not take place!
So, wetook the beer glass back to Boston and after one drink, I putit awayfor safekeeping in our old oak chest! ButPaul, I can’t handle that responsibility so I am giving it back to you! Please be careful OOPS!
Just kidding! NO WAY was that glass leaving the old oak chest before the wedding!
We havea tradition in my family from Cheshire in England, for the FATHER OF THE BRIDE to say afunny little poem.
I said itat my daughters, Clare and Lucy’sweddings and my brother Charles said it at his daughter Sarah’swedding. Paul asked me to modify the poem for a son, and say it today. The original version for the BRIDE is just four lines long and it goes like this:
On this my daughter’s wedding day; a thousand pounds I’ll give away; on second thoughts, which are the best, I’ll bung them back in the old oak chest!
I wanted to make the revised poem special for Paul and Andrea; butIneeded a word to rhyme with Andrea.Sangria, tequilaand hypochondria rhyme, but did not seem right!
I thought about the great gifts and lovePaul and Andrea give to their eight nieces and nephews (Annika, Sarah, Ean, Max, Oliver, Maddox, Scarlett, and Peyton) and I hopedthesecelebrations would not constrain Paul and Andrea’s future generosity.Suddenly Isaw how we could helpandsolve the rhyming problem!
So, I updated the Shawcross doggerel, for Paul and Andrea and nieces and nephews:
I have kept the four line structure, but English Majorsmay feel sick whenthey hear the final rhyme. Instead of groaning; please say, Arrgh or Yaagh! Here we go!
On this my only son’s wedding day,
The old oak chest, I’ll give away
ToUncle Paul andAunty Andrea;
And the young who share their mitochondria!
Paul, after the war, my father,your grandfather, sailed back from Indiawith this box as a present for your grandmother! Now it’s yours. Inside are some pieces of eight. Arrh!
I would like to propose a toast to Paul and Andrea, who have just made a very big commitment; we wish the best for their marriage, their careers andtheir care for friends and family. May they have health and happiness and knowthat we stand with them.
The toast is; To Paul and Andrea! In space and through time! Yarrgh!