Detect Icebergs: Identify Deep Beliefs or Values and Determine Their Usefulness
As discussed previously, the ATC model will help you identify your thoughts about an event and how they drive your reactions and emotions. But what happens if your thoughts do not explain your reactions and emotions? Perhaps your emotions seemed more intense than they should be, or you became very angry over something that didn’t seem that important to you. When this happens, it’s a sign that you are being affected by an underlying belief – a deeply held belief about how the world ought to operate and how you feel you ought to operate within that world. These deeper motivations and values often drive us and determine how we respond to adversity. Since these underlying beliefs, or icebergs, are usually outside our awareness, deep beneath the surface of our consciousness, we need a special skill to detect them.[i]
During the ATC process, we can usually identify our “surface thoughts” – thoughts on the surface of our consciousness that we can easily tune in to. Iceberg beliefs, however, are a bit more difficult to detect. They are usually beliefs about oneself (e.g., “If I do not handle a situation perfectly, I’ve failed.” or “I’m competent.”), about others (e.g., “People can’t be trusted.” or “People are basically good.”), or about how the world should operate (“Good things should happen to good people and bad things should happen to bad people.” or “People should be treated with fairness and respect.”). When an event collides with an iceberg belief, your emotions may seem out of proportion to what you’re thinking in the heat of the moment. Your emotion might be anger, sadness, anxiety, etc., but the key point is that the intensity of your reaction surprises or confuses you. A strong thinking trap might indicate an iceberg. For example, “Them, Them, Them” might indicate the iceberg, “People can’t be trusted,” and “Me, Me, Me” might indicate the iceberg, “I am never good enough.”
There are four “what” questions you can ask to identify icebergs.
• What is the most upsetting part of that for me?
• What does that mean to me?
• What is the worst part of that for me?
• Assuming that is true, what about that is so upsetting to me?
“What” questions lead to curiosity, reflection, and openness, but “Why” questions lead to defensiveness and rationalization. Ask the questions in any order that makes sense to you, and anchor each question with the previous response. Stop when you believe you have identified the iceberg that is causing the intense reaction. Once you believe you’ve identified the iceberg, ask yourself the following questions. Is this iceberg helping or harming me in this situation? Is this iceberg something I still believe/value? Is this iceberg accurate in this situation? Iceberg beliefs are not always bad, wrong, or in need of being changed, but by using this skill you can identify what belief is causing the intense reaction.
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[i] Reivich, Karen, and Andrew Shatté. Detecting Icebergs, In The Resilience Factor: 7 Keys to Finding Your Inner Strength and Overcoming Life's Hurdles. New York: Broadway, 2002. 123. Print.