Process

Framing (5-10 mins)

Frame the purpose of the Dilemma activity

  • One to help us use the trust and connection we have built together with people in this room to help us continue to learn and grow. Secondly, to help each of us consider a challenging work situation that we haven’t fully resolved or reconciled or understood, so we can consider looking at that situation (and potentially others from new or different perspectives.”
  • It’s also important to name for the group that this activity is dependent on partners taking the responsibilities of their roles seriously and really serving as compassionate provocateurs to each other.
  • After framing, describe the protocol

The Dilemma Protocol (90 mins)

The Dilemma Activity has 5 stages, each stage is 6 minutes long. It takes 30 minutes per person to go through the protocol. It is usually done in groups of 3 people so total time is 90 minutes for a group of 3.

1)Stage 1 – The presenter (one of the 3 in the group) tells their story - What is the dilemma or challenge they are facing? Partners quietly listen and can not interject or ask questions.

2)Stage 2 - Partners ask clarifying questions to better understand the dilemma /challenge and build context.

3)Stage 3 - Partners then name assumptions (could be valid or faulty – important to be generative) embedded in the dilemma while presenter remains quiet and listens. Assumptions could be that the presenter has about others, about the situation or that the presenter has about herself.

4)Stage 4 – Partners then shares alternative explanations of events from what the original presenter has described…”This is what could be really going on…” or “This is what may really be at play in this situation…” It is important to encourage partners to be being speculative and imaginative and to really lay out possibilities (whether they are legitimate or faulty!)

5)Stage 5 – The presenter then shares their insights from listening to their partners and the partners are silent.

Modeling the protocol with your partner (5-10 mins)

Then provide a brief model with your co-facilitator (or independently if you don’t have one) so the group understand what each stage might sound like and the roles people play during each stage.

  • The model you share should be authentic – a real dilemma your co-facilitator is facing to model vulnerability and it’s important to model the role of the partner here too.
  • It’s worth emphasizing during the modeling and throughout the protocol the importance of the partner role particularly during Stage 3 (naming assumptions) and Stage 4 (sharing alternative narratives – what could REALLY be going on) in terms of laying things out on the table without judgment or certitude, but that partners are naming things that come to mind so that the present can hear them and see them and decide for themselves what resonates.

Instructions for doing the protocol: (20 mins)

1)Give everyone 3-5 silent minutes to consider/write down the dilemma they will want to share with their group.

2)Ask people top form groups of 3 and to find space in the room for their group and to select their first presenter (5 minutes)

3)Use a timer to keep track of each stage and let the groups know when to start and end each stage

4)Toward the end of each stage, provide a 1 minute warning

5)As a facilitator you can join in a group and affirm what you are hearing, join in and share your perspective, and also share with the larger group the positive examples of what you are hearing in terms of partners being compassionate provocateurs

6)When you get to Stage 3 and 4, emphasize to the whole group the importance of the partner role during Stage 3 (naming assumptions) and Stage 4 (sharing alternative narratives – what could REALLY be going on). Explicitly tell everyone that partners are not saying whether what they are sharing is true or false or right or wrong – but they are naming things that come to mind so that the present can hear them and see them and decide for themselves what resonates.

After going through the first 5 stages, ask group to name their next presenter, and start the process again. After all members of the group have had their chance to be the presenter, gather the whole group back in a circle and debrief.

Debrief questions (and things to keep in mind)

  • How was that experience for you as both the presenter and the partner?
  • What were you able to learn through that process?
  • About your specific dilemma?
  • Or about larger issues/ideas that your dilemma raised?
  • If it doesn’t come up during the group discussion, consider asking how it felt to not have your partners try to provide you with a “solution”. Good? Bad? Frustrating? Liberating? And why…
  • Also potentially worth asking how this protocol or approach relates to the work they do with their colleagues, staff or CMs? (Are they trying to tell others what to do? Do they create safe space for people to solve their own problems? Is their enough trust to not judge assumptions, etc)
  • Close by thanking the group for their trust and for engaging in the activity with each other