A Host's Planning Guide to Friday Night Dinner

For A Day Apart: Shabbat at Home

by Noam Zion and Shawn Fields-Meyer

Arranged by Rabbi Dov Gartenberg and Noam Zion

Panim Hadashot,

and Noam Zion

Shabbat is an opportunity for meaning, a moment to forge connections and to belong. Lawrence Hoffman

The seventh day is a palace in time which we build. It is made of soul and of joy. Abraham Joshua Heschel

If Judaism is to have a renaissance, it will have to be celebrated vibrantly in the home. Home-made Judaism, customized to your needs and your guests, can transform your table into a place of sacred celebration and shared conversation. Noam Zion

With this Shabbat planner brochure you may design you own lively celebration of Shabbat dinner using the beauty and variety, in form and content, from A Day Apart'sblessings, quotes, activities, art and explanations.

Repertoire of Shabbat Table Activities and Blessings

Table of contents of Shabbat table activities is thefirst column on the left cites the main chapters in the book which divide the Sabbath ritual meal into its basic units.

The colored columns suggest readings and activities designed for specific age groups and gatherings.

The host's guide makes it easier to pick and choose a few additions or expansions to your basic Shabbat ritual whatever it may be and to maximize participation of all ages. From time to time on Shabbat you may experiment with something new. Each Shabbat dinner has its well-known core rituals as done in your home and yet an opportunity for an innovative aspect.

REPERTOIREof Shabbat Dinner / For Pre-Schoolers / For Families with School-Age Children / For Teenagers / For Couples by themselves / For Adults / For Beginners
Introductions for the leader to browse 4-7 / Enhancing Home-Made Judaism 7 / Breathers 8 / Time to Connect 7 / Enhancing Home Made Judaism 7 / Spiritual Timing 9
Setting the Shabbat Mood 13-18 / Bo’i Kallah (snack before dinner) 18
Play background music for Shabbat / Pleasurable Preparations 13
Extra Effort 14
Polishing Silver (photo) 14 / Bo’i Kallah 18 (traditional snack before dinner) / Recipe for Liberation 17
Beware! A Time of Marital Conflict 18. / The Original Baker’s Gift 16
Baking Hallah 16 / Blessing over Hallah 16. Meditations 16
Tzedakah 19 / Teaching our children 19
Tzedakah Block Box (photo) 21 / Hillel 19
Story of Fundraising 20. / Read Magic Money 20. / A Mystical Warning 18 / The True Believer 20
* Candle Lighting 25
Personal prayers 34-35 / Through a Child’s Eyes 31 / A Shabbat Box 30 / A Lonely Shabbat 32 / Meditations: Kavanah 22 / A Perfect Rest 22
From Birth and Beyond Death 31 / How Many Candles 31
Shalom Aleichem-Welcoming Guests & Angels 37 / Parent-Child Corner 41 / Tales of Peacemakers 45 / A Person Reaches 36
Prayer for Shalom 43 / The Messenger 43
Hassidic Kugel 45 / More Angelic Inspectors 42 / Guidelines-Getting Started 40
Blessing Our Children 47
Prayer for Healing 49 / Blessings for Good News and New Objects 47 / ‘Secret communication’in Parent-Child Corner 51 / Blessing: May You Be Yourself 54 / Believe in Love 46 / For the Child without a Parent 53 / Renew Connections 49
Getting Started 50
Eishet Hayil
61-63
Song of Songs 59 / Happy Mother's Day 65 / A Family Prayer 59 / Remarkable Woman 65
Golda on Beauty 65 / Blessing One’s Beloved 59
Song of Songs 59
Sanskrit poem 60 / Controversial Faces of Eishet Hayil 64
Govenor's Woman of Valor 66 / Getting Started 64
* Kiddush over wine 69 - 71 / Parent-Child corner 76
Photo of Israeli Kindergarten 68 / Why Cover the Hallah 74
Don't cry over spilt wine 76 / The Week in Review 77 / To Be Fully Free 78 / Guidelines 72-3
* Hallah and Hand washing
81 / Surprise Under Hallah Cover 85
Hot Dogs and Jello 85 / Grandfather Feeding Cats 90
Shabbat Electricity 85
Shabbes Dog 84
Bread tales 91-92
Peanut cartoon 82 / Overwrought Parents 85
Blessed be these Hands 86 / Open Channels 88 / Introduction to Handwashing 82 or A Pitcher 86
Honor Family Recipe 82 / Guidelines 83-84
Activities during
Dinner:
D’var Torah 95 Shabbat Table Talk 95-97, 138-139 / Parent-Child corner 95 / Shabbat Table Talk 95-97, / MORE Shabbat Table Talk 138-139
A Noisy Torah Argument 97 / Getting to know one another
138-139 / Dvar Torah or Shabbat Sharing 139 / Getting Started 96
A Noisy Torah Argument 97
Zemirot: Shabbat Table Singing 98-113 / Parent-Child:
‘Repetition’ 111 / Short songs
108-109 (most are camp songs) / Short songs
108-109 (most are camp songs) / Reflections: "Song of the Self and the Soul 112 -113 / Traditional Song: Menukha v’simkhah
100-101 / Getting Started 110
* Birkat Hamazon:
Gratitude -
Short 120-121
Long 119-128 / Parent child 130 / Tales of gratitude: A Muffin 132
Break a leg 133 / Judaism encourages 115 / Tales of gratitude: Stealing a Meal 132 / Getting Started 130
Post Dinner Pleasures: Oneg Shabbat 134-141 / Pick Your Oneg Pleasure Card 137 / Couple’s Prayer and Making Peace before Love 140 / Holy R&R Menu 135 / Pleasures of Shabbat 136

Rules of Thumb for Successful Shabbat Dinner:

  • Plan a menu with a few special treats specially requested in advance.
  • Invite your guests and your household members personally and in advance to make this special Shabbat dinner
  • Weave in your family traditions so you can personalize the Shabbat.
  • There is no perfect way to lead such Shabbat dinner. Many aspects are options added over the centuries – not required prayers (for example, Shalom Aleichem or Blessing the children). Do what gives your home meaning.
  • The bare basics (marked in grid by an asterick *) are merely candlelighting, Kiddush, hallah and a blessing of thanks after eating.
  • Use English where Hebrew becomes difficult.
  • Build a small library of cds and audio files of Sabbath table music to build traditions of table song or mood music.
  • Try something new or at least offer a new reading, but never try to add too much on any one night.
  • Delegate readings or activities or blessings to any willing participant, but do not force active participation on anyone. Let it come gradually when it is ripe. Play to your guests strengths and be open to their own ideas.
  • Experiment with a suggested conversation topic or an Oneg Shabbat special pleasure, not just blessings or meditations.
  • Let household members and guests know in advance that you will be adding something, that you would be happy of they participate actively but there will be no coercion and it will not take too long. Keep a light sense of humor about this experiment and assure them this is a trial run, not necessarily a weekly obligation.

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