Who loves ya?

(My letter to other moms on Valentine’s Day 2009)

I do. I don't know if you have a special someone in your life who loves you enough to do something special for you on Valentine's Day. I don't know if you have children who remember to make a valentine card just for you. I don't know if you are missing someone special who used to do loving things for you. I do want you to know that I care. That's why I made this heart-y butterfly for you this morning. Well, the real reason is I thought there might be somebody out there who maybe didn't get a valentine, and I want to be sure you felt some love today. And I wanted to make something personal and unique and meaningful for you.

I have three children. My oldest, Karie, made valentines at her day program - one for her favorite staff, one for her boyfriend, and one for her boyfriend's parents, but none for me. No explanation - she never makes one for me. What can I say. John didn't make me a valentine, but then he chose to not make one for his girlfriend either, so I don't feel so bad. My son Chris in the past as always sent me flowers and a card, but this year he is busy making wedding plans with Melissa, so Mom is no longer the focus of his loving attention. The apron strings have officially been cut. So no valentines for me this year. From my kids. I did get a valentine though. A beautiful handmade card with lovely caligraphy inside with a peronalized note from the sender to me. I received it in the mail from a young man with ARND who is in prison. I know his mom and have accompanied her on visits to him and have talked to him on the phone and have sent him notes and articles by mail. What is cool is that his message was very appropriate and he asked him mom first to make sure it would be okay. He enclosed a letter thanking me for helping him to understand his FAE and for being supportive to his mom. This was the best valentine ever.

I always think of you other moms as my sisters. And I love your kids like they were my own family. I think of them as "my kids." I spend hours every day thinking of how I can help my special families to thrive. I lay in bed at night thinking of ways I can help reduce the risk and help all of "my kids" have happiness and success.

I want to say thank you to each of you who have sent me a note of appreciation or a prayer of thanks for the web site or training or advice or support. I want to say thanks to the kids who have given me hugs and smiles and drawings and butterfly gifts. Those little acts of love are what keep me going, especially at times when I am forgotten or ignored by those in my own little family.

I especially want to thank the young man who sent me the handmade valentine. I know he had to pay another inmate to make it for him and that it was not cheap. I know that he had one made for his mom too. I know he is okay today, safe in a way, paying the price for having ARND. He is happy, in spite of having lost his freedom. He enjoys a warm and deep relationship with his mother, and has supportive friendships with his fellow inmates.

This is Jeff and his Mom. I just called her for permission to share all of this with you. She has helped other birth moms through the process of grief and self-forgiveness. And Jeff helps raise awareness by allowing me to share his story with others, sometimes through my trainings, sometimes through conversations with moms whose kids are on the wrong side of the law. His story is one of tragedy, but it is one of hope too.

So, whoever you are, wherever you are. Feel the love. Share the love. Cry. Smile. Hug. Hang in there. I love you.

Teresa