Discipline
Kerrie LaRosa, LCSW
Parent Coach
Basic Principles for Effective Discipline
Consistency. Children learn best through repetition and thrive on routine and predictability.
Model. Children imitate what they see parents do. Model the behavior you want to see in them.
Stay Calm. Children sense their parent’s anxiety. When you are calm, you are able to make better parenting decisions and you act as an emotional stabilizer to help calm your children.
Acknowledge Feelings. This helps you connect with your children and increase their emotional understanding.
Teach Communication Skills. Often children (especially young children) are frustrated because they cannot communicate their needs. Encourage your children to verbalize and/or sign their needs.
Prepare for Transitions. Children love routine, so prepare them when you are changing the routine and give them warnings when you are transitioning to a new activity.
Prevention. Anticipating your children’s needs, such as hunger, sleep and attention, to reduce meltdowns.
Praise Positive Behaviors. Praise the specific behaviors you want your child to improve (for example: “thank you for eating all your peas” rather than simply “good job”).
Ignore Safe Behaviors. Our children love our attention, positive or negative. Ignore behaviors you want to stop (as long as everyone is safe). As soon as they correct the behavior give them praise and positive attention.
Avoid “No”. Give positive commands: For example: instead of “no running” say “stop” or “walk”.
Give Effective Commands. Commands should be concise, direct and respectful. Please hold my hand while crossing the street. State commands, don’t ask questions that they can say no to. Instead of, “would you like to put your shoes on”, say, “please put your shoes on”.
Offer Choices. Offering choices empowers children and prevents power struggles. Give two options: too many choices can be overwhelming for children.
Redirect/Distract. Use redirection and distraction to shift your child’s mood and change behavior.
Be Playful. Create games and sing songs to encourage cooperation.
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