Marriage and the Family

1. 3 Marriage and the Family. Christianity and Islam

Word List.

Adultery – a sexual act between a married person and someone other than their marriage partner.

Civil partnership – a legal ceremony giving a homosexual couple the same legal rights as a husband and wife.

Cohabitation – living together without being married.

Contraception – intentionally preventing pregnancy from occurring.

Faithfulness – staying with married partner and having sex only with them.

Homosexuality – sexual attraction to the same sex

Nuclear family – mother, father and children living as a unit.

Pre-marital sex – sex before marriage.

Procreation – making a new life

Promiscuity –having sex with a number of partners without commitment.

Reconstituted family – When 2 sets of children become one family when their divorced parents marry each other.

Re-marriage – marrying again after being divorced from a previous marriage.

3.1 Changing attitudes to marriage and family life.

In the United Kingdom in the 1960’s, it was expected that: young people would not have sex until they were married; most people would be married in Church by the age of 25; most marriages would last for life; most families would be husband and wife and their children (nuclear family); homosexuals would not be seen in public because homosexual sex between adult males was a criminal offence.

Nowadays most people have sex before they get married; it is now quite acceptable for couples to live together (cohabit) rather than marry, most people who marry are now living with their partner first. The average age for marriage is now 31.8 for men and 29.7 for women; only a minority of marriages now take place in church; divorce is now more acceptable and there has been a large increase in the number of divorces; extended family becoming more popular to help with child care; more single parents due to divorce, more families with cohabiting parents; more re-constituted families; homosexual sex in private between two consenting adults (over 21) was made legal in 1967

And now homosexual couples are treated the same as heterosexual couples; civil partnerships came into being in 2004.

Reasons for the changing attitudes tomarriage and the family.

The increased availability of effective contraception made it safer to have sex.
Fewer people go to church and so are not encouraged to abstain from pre-marital sex.
Media publicity of celebrities co-habiting.
TV and films show more sexual relationships outside marriage.
In 1969 divorce became cheaper and easier.
Views about the expectations of marriage have changed.
Many women are now more financially independent and do not need to rely on husbands for support.
Women no longer die in childbirth, so men do not have as many wives. Most divorces occur after 10 years of marriage, which was the average length of a marriage 100 years ago.

3.2 What does Christianity say about sex before marriage?

Bible quotes: - Ephesians 5:3 But among you there must not even be a hint of sexual immorality or any kind of impurity.

Exodus 20:14 You shall not commit adultery. (One of the 10 Comms)

Christians believe that a sexual relationship should only happen within marriage. They believe that promiscuity is wrong and that adultery is a sin.

Some liberal Protestants accept that couples may want to live together before marrying but they should marry before starting a family.

The Roman Catholic Church states that ‘The sexual act must take place exclusively within marriage. Outside marriage it is a grave sin.

In all Christian wedding ceremonies couples promise that they will only have sex with each other.

Christians say that sex is a beautiful gift, is very special and is an expression of a deep, loving life-long union. Casual sex encourages people to be viewed merely as objects.

Jesus did however show compassion for a woman who was about to be stoned for committing adultery. This demonstrates to Christians the importance of tolerance.

Contraception- Roman Catholics do not allow contraception as sex is for the purpose of reproduction. Contraception encourages promiscuity.

Protestants say contraception is OK although some say it is only OK to restrict the size of the family but not to stop children altogether. Sex is for enjoyment as well as procreation. It is OK if the mother would be in danger from pregnancy or prevent genetically transmitted diseases.

3.3 Islam and sex before marriage.

Islam does not allow living together as it is banned by the Quran as adultery. Adultery is dishonourable and shameful and is a dangerous threat to a family.

The penalty according to the Quran is flogging of 100 lashes.

To prevent sex before marriage girls and boys are separated after puberty and men and women do not usually have mixed gatherings.

Islam prohibits any kind of privacy between couples who are not married to each other.

They do not believe that sexual freedom before a commitment to marriage adds any stability to the marriage.

Muslims believe that permissiveness leads to the breakdown of society.

Sexual intercourse is Gods gift to the married.

Muslims should not dress in a sexually provocative way.

They do not allow pornography or explicit sex on T.V in films or books.

Surah 17:32 states ‘have nothing to do with adultery for it is a shameful thing.’

3.4 Christian Divorce

There are differing views on divorce within the Christian Church.

1. The Catholic Church does not allow religious divorce or re-marriage. Catholic marriage is a sacrament, and the exchange of vows means that the only way a marriage can end is the death of one of the partners.

However the Catholic Church does allow for the legal separation of spouses if they find it impossible to live together, and even civil divorce (an ending of the marriage according to the laws of the country but not the Church) if that will ensure the proper care of the children. However THIS IS NOT THE END OF THE MARRIAGE, the couple are still married in the eyes of God and the Church so they CANNOT RE-MARRY.

Catholics have this attitude because:

Jesus taught that divorce is wrong in Marks gospel.

The couple have made a covenant with God and this should not be broken.
The Church in the Catechism that a marriage cannot be dissolved.
As there can be no religious divorce there cannot be re-marriage as this would be bigamy and adultery.

HOWEVER the Catholic Church does allow annulment (a declaration that the marriage was never a true marriage and so the partners are free to marry) if it can be proved that the marriage was never a true Christian marriage in the first place for one of the following reasons :-

a)one of the partners was not baptised

b)one of the partners was forced into the marriage

c)one of the partners did not intend to keep the vows at the time of the marriage

d)one of the partners was mentally unstable at the time of the marriage.

2. Most Non Catholic Churches think that divorce is wrong but allow it if the marriage has broken down. Most of these Churches allow divorced people to remarry, but they usually require them to talk to the minister about why their first marriage failed.

Non-Catholic Churches allow divorce because:

Jesus allowed divorce for a partners adultery

Christianity is about forgiveness people should be allowed to make mistakes and given another chance.
Divorce is seen as the lesser of two evils in some situations.
Some allow divorce but not remarriage because they say you cannot make the same vows again.
The Churches teach that it is better to divorce than live in hatred and quarrel all the time.

3.5 Muslim Divorce.

Divorce and remarriage are allowed in Islam, but there are different attitudes to it amongst Muslims.

‘The most detestable act that God has permitted is divorce.’ (Hadith)

Some Muslims think that marriage should be for life and they would not divorce because:
Muhammad said it is the most hated of lawful things.
Most marriages are arranged by families so there is pressure from them to make them last.
On the last day Muslims believe they will be judged on how well they have treated their children. Divorce often does not treat children well.
Some Muslims believe that the teaching of the Qur’an about the three month waiting period for a divorce means that divorce should be avoided.

Most Muslims allow divorce if the marriage cannot work because:

The Qur’an permits divorce. Setting out terms for the custody of children and care for divorced wives.
The Shari’ah (the holy law of Islam) permits divorce and has many laws about it.
Islam teaches that in some situations, Muslims must choose the lesser of two evils. They believe that divorce is better than forcing a couple to live in hatred and bitterness.
Marriage is a contract in Islam that has clauses in about what should happen if divorce takes place.

3.6 Christianity and family life.

Family life is important to Christians because:

One of the main purposes of marriage is to have children and bring them up in a secure and loving Christian environment.
Christianity teaches that the family was created by God as the basic unit of society and as the only place in which children should be brought up.
Within the family children are taught the difference between right and wrong as well as all the issues about their faith.
Christian teachings on divorce make it clear that Christian parents should stay together.
However the Christian family is seen to be of more importance than blood relatives. ‘Whoever does the will of God is my brother, sister, and mother.’ Mark 3:35.

‘The family is the original cell of social life. … The family is the community in which from childhood, one can learn moral values, begin to honour God and make good use of freedom. Family life is an initiation into life in society.’ Catechism of the Catholic Church.

3.7 Muslim Family Life

Family life is important in Islam because:

In Islam children are seen as a gift from God and therefore parents have a duty to look after them properly. They will be judged on how well they have brought up their children.
At the Aqiqa (naming ceremony) Muslim parents promise to bring up their children to be good Muslims. They are usually cared for in the home by mum with their material needs being met by dad.
The elderly must be respected and looked after by the family or extended family. In general you will not find Muslim elderly being put in old people’s homes.
Family life is important because all Muslims are expected to follow the perfect example of Muhammad and as he married and raised a family so must all Muslims.
The family is the place where children learn about right and wrong and how to live a good life. The Quran contains detailed inheritance laws which are based totally on the family. Without the family Muslims believe that society would collapse.
The family is also where children are introduced to Islam, without it faith would not grow.

3.8. Christian attitudes to homosexuality.

There are several attitudes to homosexuality in Christianity. The main ones are:

The Catholic attitude.

The Catholic attitude is that being a homosexual is not a sin but that homosexual relationships are a sin. (Sohomosexuals must be celibate)

The Catholic Church condemns all forms of homophobia.

They have this attitude because:

The Bible condemns homosexual acts.
Sex should be for procreation.
It says so in the Catechism.
The Church teaches that people cannot help their sexual orientation (but they can control their sexual activity). Therefore discriminating against people because of their sexual orientation is similar to racism, which is sinful.

The Evangelical Protestant attitude.

Many Evangelical Protestants believe that homosexuality is a sin.

They have this attitude because:

The Bible condemns homosexual acts.

They believe the salvation of Christ can remove all sins including homosexuality.
Because most Churches have taught that it is wrong.
However homosexuals should be welcomed to the Church as any other person and homophobia should not be tolerated.

The Liberal Protestant view.

Many Liberal Protestants believe that lifelong homosexual relationships are acceptable. However homosexual relationships are not equal to Christian marriage. Ministers/priests should not take part in homosexual sex. Some will allow/provide blessings for civil partnerships.

They have this attitude because:

They believe the teachings of the Bible need to be re-interpreted in the light of modern knowledge, and not the Jewish culture of the time.
The Christian belief of love and acceptance means that homosexuals should be accepted.
They believe that Christians should be open and honest; refusing rights to gay Christians encourages them to be dishonest.

3.9. Muslim attitudes to homosexuality.

The majority attitude.

Most Muslims believe homosexuality is wrong because:

It is condemned by the Qur’an. The Qur’an is the final word of God.
The prophet condemned homosexuality.
God declared in the Qur’an that marriage between a man and woman is the only lawful form of sex.
The primary aim of sex is to have children
The family is the heart of Islam, homosexuality denies family life.

The minority attitude.

Some Muslims believe that homosexuality is acceptable because:

Islam is a religion of tolerance; therefore Muslims should be tolerant of those of different sexual orientation.
They believe that God created all people and loves them all.
They believe that people are born homosexual; therefore God must want them to be homosexual.

3.10Christian attitudes to contraception.

There are two main attitudes to contraception among Christians.

The Catholic attitude.

The Catholic Church has always taught responsible parenthood. Sex whilst being for joy and pleasure is also for creating a family. The only form of family planning approved of by the Catholic Church is natural family planning. This means restricting sex to the infertile period of a woman’s menstrual cycle.

Catholics believe this because:

Using artificial methods of contraception is going against Gods intentions.
In 1930 the Pope condemned ALL forms of contraception.
In 1951 the Pope declared that Catholics could use natural forms of contraception.
In 1968 this was confirmed, and is in the teachings of the catechism.
Some contraceptives are a form of abortion which is against the teachings of the Church.
The Catholic Church sees contraception as a major cause of sexual promiscuity, broken families, divorce and sexually transmitted diseases.
In 2010 the Pope commented that ’the use of condoms by men and women to prevent HIV could be seen as an act of responsibility.’

The attitude of non-Catholic Christians.

Almost all non Catholic Christians believe that all forms of contraception should be allowed as long as they are used to restrict the size of the family and not to simply stop having children altogether.

They believe this because:

Christianity is about love and justice. Contraception improves women’s health and raises the standard of living as families are smaller.
Sex is for enjoyment and to strengthen a marriage as well as procreation.
There is nothing in the Bible that forbids the use of contraception.
In 1930 the Church of England said it was ok for Christians to use contraception to limit family size.
They believe it is better to combat AIDS/HIV by using condoms than by expecting everyone to follow Christian rules about sex and marriage.

3.11Muslim attitudes to contraception.

All Muslims believe that contraception should not be used to prevent Muslims having ANY children, but there are different attitudes as to whether contraception can be used to limit family size.

Some Muslims believe that contraception is going against the will of God and should not be used AT ALL.

They believe this because:

Although the Qur’an does not actually mention contraception it does say ‘you should not kill your children for fear of want’.
Sex is for the purpose of procreation.
Abortion is not allowed and some forms of contraception are seen as abortion.
It is the duty of Muslims to have large families.

Some Muslims believe it is ok to limit family size and to protect the health of the mother.

They believe this because:

The Hadith records that the Prophet permitted the use of coitus interruptis as a means of contraception. So other forms should be allowed.
In the Qur’an God says he will not place extra burdens on his followers, a large family can be a burden.
If pregnancy is likely to result in the mother’s death, contraception should be allowed because not to use it would be like suicide which is banned in Islam.
Muslim lawyers say that contraception is not abortion.