We All Make Assumptions; It Is a Natural Part of Our Thinking and Is a Short Cut Ensures

Mentors’ Workbook
How to be the best you can be!
This work book provides information about mentoring relationships; it includes exercises to consolidate your prior experience and gained knowledge, opportunities to reflect and develop your mentoring practice.

Assumptions

We all make assumptions; it is a natural part of our thinking and is a short cut ensures that we are able to operate in the world without have to analyse our every interaction in minute detail. In mentoring we need to mindful of how we work with assumptions. Look at the photo’ provided and consider the questions in exercise one.

Exercise one

A lot of the assumption that we make are correct and are a product of our past learning and experiences. This can have both positive and negative influence on interactions that we have with other people.

Building Rapport

Building rapport is an important part of encouraging a good mentoring relationship to develop. Rapport building involves many aspects

Exercise Two

Exercise Three

Communications Styles

Everyone has their own communication style and will have some commonalities with other people. One way of looking at commonality and differences in communication is to look at how personality types impact on how we speak, communicate non-verbally, the modes of communication that we like to use and how we listen.

Extrovert

Dominant (Drivers) Inspirers

Task Person

Focused Focused

Compliant (Constructors) Steadfast (Supporters)

Introvert

DISC – Dominance, Influence, Steadiness, Compliance

Values to the organisation:

D - Accomplishing results in spite of opposition or antagonistic circumstances

I - Influencing people to act positively and favourable

S – Steadiness in performing work to consistently produce in a predictable manner

C – Compliance with policy and standards to avoid error, conflict and danger

Management Style:

D – Directive

I – Motivating

S – Organising

C – Rule enforcement

Sales/Negotiation:

D – Closing a sale

I – Opening/presenting/relationship building

S – Service and support

C – Details and features

What they want and need:

D – Freedom and authority. Power, Material rewards

I – Popularity. Good relationships. Favourable Working conditions. Group activities. Prestige and title.

S – Appreciation. Sincerity. Structure. Secure environment. Recognition for loyal service

C – An ordered environment. Reassurance. All the facts. Personal attention. No change for change’s sake

What they fear:

D – Failure

I – Rejection

S – Insecurity

C – Conflict

DISC – “People like People like Them”

How to modify your behaviour to respect the other’s style:

Dos for D’s

Focus on facts not feelings. Negotiate. Focus on business. Challenge them

Don’ts for D’s

Tell them what to do. Give too much detail or too many rules. Take too long to tell them things

Dos for I’s

Ask how they are feeling. Recognise their ideas or input. Talk opinions and ideas. Recognise them

Don’ts for I’s

Argue. Allow them to lose respect or self-worth. Talk facts without feelings

Dos for S’s

Ask them questions and listen. Support them. Use a steady pace. Offer guarantees. Appreciate them

Don’ts for S’s

Introduce rapid change. Change routine or environment. Rush them

Dos for C’s

Provide proof. Be systematic and organised. Give things in writing. Protect them by giving rules

Don’ts for C’s

Leave out the details. Be too general. Rush decisions or make sudden changes

Dominance

·  Love is a challenge

·  May be considered reckless by some

·  Always ready for a competition

·  Respect for authority and responsibility

·  Will continually work long hours in order to resolve problems

·  At their best when something is at stake

·  Direct, positive and straightforward

·  Can be blunt and even sarcastic – although not grudge holders

·  Like to be in the spotlight

·  May hurt others’ feelings without realising it

·  Can be bullies and over-ride others

·  Often overstep authority

·  Early in career may change jobs often because of ambition

·  Interested in the unusual and adventurous

·  Self-starters with a wide range of interests and prefer an ever-changing environment

·  Most lose interest in a project when the challenge is gone and prefer others to complete the job

·  Continually seek new horizons

·  Dissatisfied and impatient – spread themselves thinly

·  Resourceful and able to adapt in many situations

Influencer

·  Outgoing, persuasive and gregarious

·  Usually optimistic and see good in most situations

·  Mainly interested in people, their problems and their activities

·  Willing to help others promote projects as well as their own

·  May sometimes lose sight of business naturally

·  Become intimate and on first name terms at first meeting, with the warmth of a life-long friendship

·  Will know LOADS of people

·  May be name-droppers

·  May make decisions based on surface analysis or emotional impulse

·  Trust and accept people and motivate people to the kind of behaviour they desire in them

·  Believe they can persuade and motivate people to the kind of behaviour they desire in them

·  Can switch sides of an argument without showing any signs of inconsistency

·  Perform well with poise and smoothness

·  PR and promotion are natural to them

·  May have difficulty disciplining others

Steadiness

·  Amiable, easy-going, contented and relaxed

·  Undemonstrative and controlled

·  Not explosive or easily triggered so may conceal grievances and be grudge-holders

·  Like to build close relationships with relatively small number of close friends

·  Patient and deliberate

·  Good neighbours and always willing to help friends

·  Strive to maintain “status quo”

·  Do not welcome sudden or unexpected change

·  Can follow work pattern with unending patience

·  Protective of close associates for whom they develop strong attachments

·  Operate well as members of a team

·  Co-ordinate efforts with others with rhythm and ease

Compliance

·  Peaceful, adapt themselves to situations to avoid antagonism

·  Sensitive and see appreciation

·  Can easily be hurt by others

·  Loyal, humble and non-aggressive

·  Do their very best at whatever is expected of them

·  Cautious and conservative

·  Only make decisions when they have all available information

·  Often display a good sense of timing and shrewdness in selecting the right decision

·  Go to great lengths to avoid conflict

·  Strive for a stable, ordered life

·  Follow procedures in their work and home life

·  Systematic thinkers and workers

·  Precise and attentive to detail

·  Orderly and predetermined

·  Stick to what they know works

Visual, Audio, Kinaesthetic (VAK) Languages

We all process information differently. Some of us are visually and process information better if we see it, some process information better if they hear it, others process best through action. This preference is often see in the language we us. For example, people who are visual will often use lots of ‘vision and seeing’ references in the language they use. Below are some examples of VAK languages. Add in other statements that you know of into the appropriate boxes, to help build your repertoire of VAK statements.

Languages / Types of word that are used
Visual language: / Look, picture, imagination, insight, scene, blank, visualisation, perspective, shine, reflect, clarify, examine, eye, focus, forsee, illusion, notice, outlook, preview, see, show, survey, vision, watch, reveal, hazy, dark, appearance, brilliant, colourful, dim, glimpse, highlight, illustrate, insight, obscure, overshadow, overview, sparkle, spotlight, vivid, mirror
Auditory language / Say accent rhythm loud tone resonate sound monotonous deaf ask auditable pitch clear discuss proclaim cry remark listen ring shout sigh squeak speechless click croak vocal whisper tell silence dissonant hum hush mute harmonious shrill quiet dumb question rumble comment call melodious tone whine harmony deaf tune musical acoustic buzz cackle dialogue echo growl
Kinaesthetic language / Touch handle balance break cold feel firm grab contact grasp push rub hard hit tickle tight solid hot jump pressure run warm rough tackle seize push sharp pressure sensitive stress soft sticky stuck tap tangible tension vibrate touch walk concrete gentle grasp hold scrape solid suffer heavy smooth
·  Olfactory branch language / Scented smelly stale fishy fragrant, nosey smoky fresh musky
·  Gustatory branch language / Sour bitter salty juicy sweet spicy toothsome mouth-watering minty nausea nauseating sugary gall succulent chew chewy

VAK Exercise

General Statement / Visual Statement / Auditory Statement / Kinaesthetic Statement
I don’t understand / I’m in the dark
Write your own example here / That is all Greek to me
Write your own example here / I can’t make head or tail of it
Write your own example here
I don’t know / It’s not clear yet
Write your own example here / I can’t tell if that’s right
Write your own example here / I don’t have a handle on that idea
Write your own example here
I understand / I see what you mean
I get the picture
Write your own example here / That rings a bell
Write your own example here / That feels right
I get your drift
Write your own example here
I think / My view is…
Write your own example here / Something tells me…..
Write your own example here / I hold these views
Write your own example here
I’m confused / This is all a mess
It’s too obscure
Write your own example here / There is no rhyme or reason to this
It sounds crazy
Write your own example here / I can’t get a grip
None of this fits
Write your own example here

VAK Learning Styles Self-Assessment Questionnaire

Circle or tick the answer that most represents how you generally behave.

(It’s best to complete the questionnaire before reading the accompanying explanation.)

1. When I operate new equipment I generally:

a)  read the instructions first

b)  listen to an explanation from someone who has used it before

c)  go ahead and have a go, I can figure it out as I use it

2. When I need directions for travelling I usually:

a)  look at a map

b)  ask for spoken directions

c)  follow my nose and maybe use a compass

3. When I cook a new dish, I like to:

a)  follow a written recipe

b)  call a friend for an explanation

c)  follow my instincts, testing as I cook

4. If I am teaching someone something new, I tend to:

a)  write instructions down for them

b)  give them a verbal explanation

c)  demonstrate first and then let them have a go

5. I tend to say:

a)  watch how I do it

b)  listen to me explain

c)  you have a go

6. During my free time I most enjoy:

a)  going to museums and galleries

b)  listening to music and talking to my friends

c)  playing sport or doing DIY

7. When I go shopping for clothes, I tend to:

a)  imagine what they would look like on

b)  discuss them with the shop staff

c)  try them on and test them out

8. When I am choosing a holiday I usually:

a)  read lots of brochures

b)  listen to recommendations from friends

c)  imagine what it would be like to be there

9. If I was buying a new car, I would:

a)  read reviews in newspapers and magazines

b)  discuss what I need with my friends

c)  test-drive lots of different types

10. When I am learning a new skill, I am most comfortable:

a)  watching what the teacher is doing

b)  talking through with the teacher exactly what I’m supposed to do

c)  giving it a try myself and work it out as I go

11. If I am choosing food off a menu, I tend to:

a)  imagine what the food will look like

b)  talk through the options in my head or with my partner

c)  imagine what the food will taste like

12. When I listen to a band, I can’t help:

a)  watching the band members and other people in the audience

b)  listening to the lyrics and the beats

c)  moving in time with the music

13. When I concentrate, I most often:

a)  focus on the words or the pictures in front of me

b)  discuss the problem and the possible solutions in my head

c)  move around a lot, fiddle with pens and pencils and touch things

14. I choose household furnishings because I like:

a)  their colours and how they look

b)  the descriptions the sales-people give me

c)  their textures and what it feels like to touch them

15. My first memory is of:

a)  looking at something

b)  being spoken to

c)  doing something

16. When I am anxious, I:

a)  visualise the worst-case scenarios

b)  talk over in my head what worries me most

c)  can’t sit still, fiddle and move around constantly

17. I feel especially connected to other people because of:

a)  how they look

b)  what they say to me

c)  how they make me feel

18. When I have to revise for an exam, I generally:

a)  write lots of revision notes and diagrams

b)  talk over my notes, alone or with other people

c)  imagine making the movement or creating the formula

19. If I am explaining to someone I tend to:

a)  show them what I mean

b)  explain to them in different ways until they understand

c)  encourage them to try and talk them through my idea as they do it

20. I really love:

a)  watching films, photography, looking at art or people watching

b)  listening to music, the radio or talking to friends

c)  taking part in sporting activities, eating fine foods and wines or dancing

21. Most of my free time is spent:

a)  watching television

b)  talking to friends

c)  doing physical activity or making things

22. When I first contact a new person, I usually:

a)  arrange a face to face meeting

b)  talk to them on the telephone

c)  try to get together whilst doing something else, such as an activity or a meal

23. I first notice how people:

a)  look and dress