FANTASTIC FAMILIES

6 Proven Steps to Building a Strong Family

Dr. Nick & Nancy Stinnett and Joe & Alice Beam

Introduction

A. Believe that every parent here wants to have a fantastic family

·  Deut. 6:4- Families are backbone to society (how norms passed down from generation to generation

·  Psalm 127

·  1 Timothy 3:1-16

-Jesus was born into a family

-Elders, deacons called to have great families

-Church called to be like a family

·  How does one define a “fantastic family” or a “strong family” or a “successful family”?

B. Parenting can be a difficult subject to talk about – we all want to be great parents and have a great family, yet most of us know our short-comings as parents. Often times “who we are” can be wrapped up in how our kids turned out

C. We are no different – we’re not ready to write any books – but we do believe we’ve learned a lot over the years. We also believe we’ve all learned a lot over the years.

D. The purpose of this class is not to impress one another with our success and knowledge as parents – nor is it to beat ourselves up focusing on our mistakes. We all have both. The purpose is to make decisions and grow from this time together.

E. You’re going to be expected to purchase and read a book (easy reading)

·  You’re going to be expected to attend each class session

·  Your going to be expected to participate in our discussions

·  We need to respect one another and our families and not sit in judgment of one another – rather reach out and strive to help one another

F. Fantastic Families (about the book)

·  Written by Dr. Nick & Nancy Stinnett and Joe & Alice Beam

·  It includes 25 years of worldwide research involving over 14,000 families

·  The book comes to conclusions on what the common denominators are to have a strong family

·  We’ll be covering 6 proven steps to building a strong family

·  No matter where your family is (what condition it may be in) you and your family will benefit from

G. Discussion Questions:

1. What are you hoping to get out of this class?

2. What goals do you have?

3. How committed are you to applying some of the things we’ll talk about?

Step One Commit to Your Family

A. The Firm Foundation

  1. Research has shown that strong families understand commitment to mean that the family comes first
  2. Commitment is the bed rock on which every family must be built
  3. Each family member knows that the others are there and always will be there and the family is above everything else

·  Work, recreation, other people, crisis, whatever

  1. No one in a committed family lives in fear that he or she might be booted out or that some other family member will abandon them

B The Six Characteristics of Commitment

1.  Commitment to Marriage

·  At heart of commitment to the family unit is dedication to the marriage relationship

·  When husband and wife are committed – they set the stage for all other commitments a family should have

·  Question: “What’s the greatest gift a father can give his children?” Answer: “A happy marriage.”

·  Families founded upon a strong marriage can be truly wonderful places in which to live

·  Some parents focus more on the kids than on the marriage – children do best in homes with happy parents who love each other and demonstrate that love in everyday commitment – kids who see their parents loving each other feel secure in the longevity of the family

·  Commitment to the Marriage Covenant is a Commandment of God

- Malachi 2:13-16 Marital covenant important to producing faithful off-spring, and a model for God’s commitment (covenant) to his people. Therefore God hates divorce

- Divorce = “break faith” (NIV); “deal treacherously” (KJV, ASV); breaking or ending that covenant is to sin against God and your spouse

- The goal is not to simply stay married but to be committed to making the marriage all that it can be

- Husband called to love his wife just as Christ loves his church (Eph. 5:22-33)

·  Marriage Commitment includes Sexual Fidelity

- William Masters and Virginia Johnson concluded that one of the most important factors contributing to satisfaction in a sexual relationship is the presence of commitment

- “For us, sexual faithfulness is essential. There is a security, a special feeling of knowing you are the only one with whom your spouse chooses to have sex.” (quote, pg. 21)

- If there has been an extramarital affair – the marriage can still be salvaged – but it will require work and counseling

-Remember – strong families are not more pure that other families – they have problems too. The difference can be how strong families deal with the problems – including adultery – that distinguishes them from other families

2.  Commitment to Each Individual

·  Commitment isn’t only to the family unit or between husband and wife – it is also to each individual in the family

·  Each person forms a part of the family, and each part is precious.

·  Members of strong families express their commitment to one another – not just in words, but through investments of time and energy. Their commitment is active and obvious

·  1 Timothy 5:16 Strong families take care of their own. Each and every one.

·  Strong families give each other 100% - when they do – everyone in the family feels a personal sense of belonging

·  Quote of a woman who married into a strong family, noting their commitment to one another; “Of course, I know they won’t let me go away easily either. I belong.”

·  Shared Goals: Common goals encourage commitment by giving direction and purpose to the family.

- Each person has a part and fits somewhere in the fulfillment of the family goals.

- Not only is each family member taken care of – he or she also enjoys the satisfaction of contributing to the family as a whole.

3.  Commitment to Putting First Things First

·  Strong families realize that family comes first and doesn’t allow other aspects of life – no matter how important they may seem – to dilute their commitment.

·  When things get in the way

- Work: “When a person is more committed to work than to the family, it’s almost as if that person is having an affair against the whole family. In “work affairs”, it’s the whole family who suffers

- Matthew 16:25-26 What good is it to gain the whole world and forfeit your soul (or your family)?

- Sports, Hobbies, Recreation, etc. – same problem

·  How do you change?

- One thing strong families do is continually remind themselves that family is more important than income, career or prestige

·  Ill: Page 32 – Businessman’s Experience / Decision

-“Growth hurts – but it always does. But it is good.” (pg. 34)

·  Setting Priorities When life gets hectic – you must evaluate your priorities

-Start by having Priority-Setting Sessions

-Sit down as a family and discuss your family priorities

-Recognize that sometimes Priority Setting means sacrifice

“At the heart of sacrifice is the ability to put the best interests of someone else ahead of self – an unselfish attitude.” (pg. 39)

·  Get Everyone to Personally Invest into the Decisions – family members signify their commitment to the family by cutting outside activities so the family can take precedence

4.  Commitment to Honesty

·  Honesty is an important measure of commitment in a family

·  Family members can count on the integrity of each other, through think and thin

·  Ephesians 4:29 speak truthfully to one another, don’t let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth

·  Human beings in families (and everywhere else) need to be able to rely on the word of each other

5.  Commitment to Family Traditions

·  Family traditions serve an important role in family cohesiveness

·  The Lord instituted a family tradition for the Jews – Passover Celebration

-The oldest son would ask; “What does this mean?” as the meal begins

·  Traditions provide a sense of history for the family

·  Traditions create memories for family members

·  EX: Meals together, devotionals, holidays, vacations, birthday celebrations, etc.

6.  Commitment to the Long Haul

·  Dependability is an important aspect of commitment in families

·  The family is much stronger knowing that each member is committed to the other – for the long haul

Closing

A. Some might have thought the first Step would have been “love”

B. Yet commitment was chosen because people have different definitions, interpretations and experiences with the concept and practice of “love” (emotional, fleeting, etc.)

C. “Commitment” is used to describe a special kind of love – a steady commitment (love) not subject to mood swings, passage of years or hard times

D. Commitment describes the kind of love God gives to us and the kind of love he expects in return

E. Poem found at home of J Sterling Morton, father of Arbor Day

Time flies.

Flowers die.

New days.

New ways.

Love stays.

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