To my sons, nephews, grandsons and other young black men,
It is my personal belief that the biggest threat to you is a misguided familiarity with certain subjects, lifestyles, or personality traits that are often “picked up” and not accurately taught. This together with peer pressure influence combine to form communities full of poor mannerisms, toxic living standards, and flawed portrayals of terms like family, community, success and love. Whether from family, peers, or the mass-media, most young black men tend to embrace these false images as “the way we do things” while others, more socially aware, are exploiting the misconceptions for financial gain. Our urban communities are trapped in this perpetual cycle of strife and I believe no real progress can be made until that cycle is broken.
In my opinion, there are five major causes to the strife in the black communities; each of which can be a subsequent cause of another. The five major causes of problems our community are:
§ The broken family structures: a solid family structure should consist of a mother and father and their child or children. This structure is seen as broken when the father, mother or both biological parents are absent or living in different homes. The process is usually cause by illicit, irresponsible or immature sexual activity. To avoid this pitfall ensure that you ONLY have sex with THE woman you plan to spend the rest of your natural LIFE with (preferably YOUR WIFE).
§ Lack of social skills: when you lack the necessary social ability to make friends, participate in school, ask for help, show gratitude or appreciation, or show respect. A lack of proper social skill can cause you to alienate yourself from the people that are beneficial (parents, teachers, peers etc.) to your life in favor of people that hinder positive progression (gangs, drug dealers, and other people that engage in criminal activity). Your social skills are your values, manners, or what we “ole heads” call home training. You get social skills initially from your parents, sibling and other MATURE relatives. Other place places include school, church, or other positive youth organizations. To avoid this pitfall, ALWAYS listen to wise counsel (preferably your parents, but if your family structure is broken, irresponsible, or immature, find a mentor to learn from), Never be afraid, ashamed, or too stubborn to ask for help.
§ Poor education systems: these are the poorly performing public and charters schools. The education system is where you are supposed to learn the basic educational essentials of life from good teacher, great instruction, and an even greater support system. The education system fails for many reason (i.e. repeated cuts to the education budget, jaded inefficient, or ineffective teachers, poor curriculum, and a lack of parental or community support to name a few). Contrary to popular opinion it still take a village to raise a child, so the faults of a failing education system doesn’t solely fall on the government, but the parents, students, and community as well. Avoiding this pitfall will be tough, but it starts with you, the student, demanding better teachers, better instruction and a better education overall. Always be hungry to learn because we live in an ever changing society and the man that is deemed trainable or coachable will always be able to adapt.
§ Lack of quality employment: quality employment is defined as long term employment that provides a living wage—a salary that allows one to comfortably and ethically provide his or her family. The lack of quality employment doesn’t necessarily mean a lack the availability; it usually means a lack of qualified applicants. This lack is normally do to the applicant either not having the required education or skills or he or she may have a criminal record; either of these issues allows applicants to be legally discriminated against. The best way to avoid this pitfall is to surround yourself with positive people that challenge you to stay out of trouble, stay in school, and be the best you possible.
§ Illicit lifestyle patterns: these are the different negative activities the people get into for reason unbeknownst to me. The activities include gangs, drugs/drug dealing, tagging, theft/robbery, womanizing and many others. The end result hardly ever ends well, but years in and year out young people (and some older) are drawn to these different lifestyles. Very rarely does anything good come from participating in these types of activities; what may seem like fun times or boys being boys can cause life changing damages. The best way to avoid this pitfall is to surround yourself with positive people that challenge you to stay out of trouble.
…I believe that each of these issues are the initial causes of every other issue in our community and if you make the decisions in life that avoids these common pitfalls not only would you be a man of great standards but you would be a positive influence for your peers. It takes a desire to be better, respect for authority, and positive influences to guide you in the right direction.
Also if you just so happen to fall into these pitfall, it’s not the end of the world. Life will get a tougher than it already is, but you can do it. I expect you to make some mistakes, but I don’t want you to make these life altering mistakes. The goal, however, is to avoid all of the pitfalls that would make life difficult because despite what’s reported, from birth, life for the black man is more difficult than any other group in this country.
I know this sound like a huge feat to accomplish but it really isn’t. I would rather you know all of the common mistakes hoping that you stay far from them. I also want you to shape your own life, so you’ll have to find your own good. Just pay close attention to your peers and don’t let them pressure you into doing something that you are not comfortable doing. Peer pressure is going to be one of the toughest challenges when it comes to making the best decision. Do your best to hold tight to the values and mannerisms taught to you, and you will do fine.
Another thing, chivalry is not dead, but most of today’s men will think it’s corny. Women are not to be treated as play things EVER. Be courteous, caring and protective of all your female friends (even the ones you aren’t interested in). Be a man of noble character. There is nothing good about a man who defines himself as a real nigga. In fact, try to distance yourself from the term “nigga;” this word should have never been embraced by our culture, and someone has to take a stand for the respect of black culture. Learn financial literacy—manage your money well; pay yourself before to pay any one else; Spend what you have and avoid debt as best you can.
Last thing… there’s going to come a time when you realize mom, dad, or you mother/father figure is not superman and you are going to want someone to look to peace of mind. Look to God and not the God that most non-believers know of. Christianity has a stench because of what I call the “traditional gospel.” This is the fictitious believe that God, Jesus and Christianity is a white man’s religion; that church is a building that people go to on Sunday’s; that if you read your bible, pay them money, and pray (in that order) God will bless you (aka make you rich). The one thing I want to tell you about this area is to read and get to know God for yourself. There’s a difference between the religion of and a relationship with God. Religion tell you to do (and not to do) several things to be considered religious and accepted by the religion; however in a relationship with God, God tell you to get to know him and build a loving relationship with him. In Christianity, you are a follower of Jesus, who says that the greatest commandments is 1) To love God with everything and 2) To love people the way you’d love yourself (this is a paraphrase).
I won’t say much more than this because this is a decision that you make for yourself. Just know that through your loving relationship with God, you will be able to see and understand the world a lot easier. C.S. Lewis has the best quote regarding his belief in God, Jesus, and true Christianity; he says, “I believe in Christianity like I believe that the sun has risen… not because I see it, but because by it I see everything else…” When you read God’s word (the bible) for yourself and embrace your relationship with Him, You’ll begin to see the world (and everything in it) for what it really is. You will also see, clearly, why there are some things that you should and should not do and it will all make perfect sense.
That being said, I hope you take this advice to heart. I want nothing but the best for you. You have the potential to be an impressive man, husband and father. I believe in you and I’m proud of the young man you are becoming.
I love you, man…
Your Father, Uncle, Coach, Mentor and/or Friend,
PS: Feel free to pass this on to your brothers and peers