Lesson 3 – Tired Words
Tired Words:
We all know how it feels first thing in the morning, without any coffee.
The same way WE feel, are work can feel.
When we bog it down with tired and weary words (and, yes, I do that same thing before edits), we stop the reader from continuing. Let me show you another exaggerated example. But, yes, I’ve seen some this bad.
-Carly was getting into her car to go to town. Just a minute more would get her where she was going. Could she drive again, or was she even capable? She just had to try.
Memories of the accident came back and frightened her. She would check the mirrors first, then just turn the key. Would the car even start? She was trembling as she put her fingers on the key.
All she knew was that she had to try. So she would.
Another example:
-Jason was going to give her a ring. He was sure of it. It sparkled in his hands. He put it in the box that he got from the jeweler. Why was it staring at him? Would he be able to ask her to marry him? It glittered in the box. While it wasn’t a very expensive ring, it sure could sparkle. Would she like that? Maybe that was a good sign.
Let me know what you think of either one of them. Are they exciting? Do either of them make you want to read on? What happened to Carly? Does the paragraph start us toward knowing that? Caring in any way? Do we care about Jason? Does this paragraph lead us to want to know more about why he's carrying around the ring? Will he give it to her?
Does either sample make us care? Make us ask questions?