Flying Booger's Half-Mind Hymnal
THE HALF-MIND HYMNAL
A Songbook for Hash House Harriers
"Shocking! Disgusting! Delightful!"
Compiled by Flying Booger
May 2007 Edition
------
The Half-Mind Hymnal is a songbook for Hash House Harriers. As such, it is guaranteed to offend – consider yourself warned.
This songbook is a work in progress. When I compiled the first edition in 1993, I knew about 100 songs; the current edition contains more than 800. The Half-Mind Hymnal is dedicated to hashers and hashing. Special thanks to Zippy (may he hash and sing in peace), Bollox, Beaver Bam Bam Balls, Ian Cumming, Sauer Krotch, Dum BUF, Mu-Sick, Catwoman, Neptunus, Sodbuster, Smoking Wiener, and three non-hashers: Derek Cashman, Ed Cray, and John Patrick. Thanks also to the authors of hash songbooks and to the many individual hashers who contributed (and continue to contribute) songs to this collection. Finally, thanks to the pilots of the USAF and NATO fighter squadrons in the Second Allied Tactical Air Force who started me singing and taught me the basic repertoire. Without their inspiration this songbook wouldn't exist.
On-On!
Flying Booger
Song Master at Large
------
Note to Song Masters: A great way to teach hashers new tunes is to copy one or two songs from this book, hand them out at the hash, then lead the pack in singing. Personally, I think that's the best way to use this songbook.
Note on Copyright: There is some copyrighted material in this songbook – a few Monty Python songs, for example, that are popular with hashers. Please do not copy those, or tell anyone that I copied them! My own introductory comments, the way I organize the book, and the songs and poems I write myself are copyrighted, but you're welcome to share them with other hashers. Other than that, 90% of the material in this songbook is in the public domain – these songs belong to all of us, just as the Half-Mind Hymnal belongs to hashers everywhere.
Note on Melodies: Wherever possible, I name the melodies to the songs in this collection. If you have access to the Internet, go to John Patrick’s Folklore site at http://www.folklore.ms/. You can listen to and download MP3 files of more than 100 common melodies, listen to field recordings of actual hashers singing various songs, and view dozens of hash & rugby songbooks, including previous editions of the Half-Mind Hymnal. This is simply the greatest bawdy song resource on the net!
Request for Contributions: If you know songs you don't see here, or melodies to songs labeled "???" or "unknown," please send them to me for inclusion in future editions. I'll be happy to give you credit. My address is in the back.
------
Songs in the Half-Mind Hymnal are grouped into the following categories:
DOWN-DOWN DITTIES & HASH RITUALS
- Short songs, chants, and prayers to liven up the circle and down-downs
HASH ANTHEMS
- Songs celebrating specific Hash House Harrier kennels
SONGS ABOUT HASHING & HASHERS
- Songs about hashing & hashers, what else?
OUR ANIMAL FRIENDS
- “I put my finger in the woodpecker's hole . . .”
THE SPOKEN WORD
- Poems, toasts, recitals, etc
SWEET LOVIN'
- “I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours . . .”
HASH CALISTHENICS
- Songs to get the pack movin' & shoutin'
FAMOUS HARRIETTES
- Shocking, just shocking . . . the degradation of wymyn at its worst!
FAMOUS HARRIERS
- “With a yard-and-a-half of foreskin hangin' down below his knees . . .”
IN VINO VERITAS
- Celebrating drink & drinking
HASH HOLIDAYS
- Seasonal ditties & carols
HASH STANDARDS
- Ah, there's nothing like the classics!
JUST PLAIN SICK!
- “Who can take a fetus . . .”
SMOKING WIENER'S COCKY HASH SONGS
- This guy's so prolific he gets his own section
YANKEE AIR PIRATES
- The songs that got me started
------
DOWN-DOWN DITTIES & HASH RITUALS
A,B,C,D,E,F,G
Air Force Song
Amazing Beer
An Dem Bier
Army Song
Aunt I High
Autohash Song
Battle Hymn of the Hasher
Beery Bunch
Birthday Songs
Blessing of "G"
Blessing of the Hares
Circle Up Call
Dixie
Does a Hasher
Down Down Down Your Beer
Down Down Ditty
Dumb Shit
Farewell Song
Ft Eustis Down-Down Songs
Hare Toast
Harrier Taunt
Harriette Taunt
Hash Benediction
Hash House Harriers
Hasher's Prayer
Hash Pledge of Allegiance
Hash Rules
Hashin' Brew
Heineken, Schmeineken
Her Left Tit
Here's to ______(Basic Down-Down Song)
Here's to Brother Hasher(s)
He's a Born Again Pisstank
He's a Hasher, He's Okay
He's the Meanest (two versions)
He Wanks His Crank
Hillary, Mary
His One-Skin
Ice the Bitch
If Your Boyfriend Tastes Like Shit
If Your Girlfriend Tastes Like Shit
International Hash Hymn
It’s a Small Dick
Love Me Tender
Masturbation
Meet the Hashers
Mister Blue Balls
Moshi Moshi Ano Ne
Naming Ceremony
No Blow Song
Oh, Hashshit Boy
Our Lager
Park it on the Ice
Piss Off, Ya Wank
Returner's Song
Salutations
Shiggy Soggy
Short Blessing
Short Hymn
Shortcutter's Song
Sing, Sing a Song
Sing a Song of Six Checks
Soldier Song
Sound of Hashers
Thank God She Finally Shut Up
The Hasher Pukes Tonight (Short Version)
There was a Little Bird
They Ought to be Publicly Pissed On
This Hasher’s Been Wanking Off Again
This is Your Down-Down Song
Tired Hasher
Viagra
Virgin Serenade
Visitor's Song
War Hares
Wedding Ceremonies
Wedding Song
We're Here Because . . .
We've Got Virgins
What a Wank
Where Were You Last Week?
Why Are We Waiting?
Why Was He Born so Beautiful?
Why was She Born a Bitch?
Yankee Doodle
You are Our ______
You’re Stupid, You’re Stupid
Zicky-Zacky (expanded version)
Zulu Warrior
A,B,C,D,E,F,G
Melody - Alphabet Song
By Fuk Stik & Flying Booger
A, B, C, D, E, F, G,
Won't you sing a song with me?
Grab a beer and raise your cup,
Lose that hat cuz it's bad luck,
And when we say to drink it down,
Finish that beer and make a crown.
H, I, J, K, L-M-N-O-P.
Better get ready 'cause the beer's flowin' free.
Fill your vessel to the brim,
Don't you wish you had some quim,
Raise your beer mug to your lips,
Get ready to take some dainty sips.
Q, R, S and T-U-V, W and X-Y-Z,
Now you're ready to make whoopee,
Just remember this or you are dead,
Never never ever say head (oh, shit)
Head? Who said head? I'll take some of that, etc . . .
AIR FORCE SONG
Melody - Off We Go, Into the Wild Blue Yonder
Contributed by Chimp Pimp, Osan Bulgogi HHH
Off we go,
Into the wild blue yonder.
Crash and burn,
Son of a bitch!
AMAZING BEER
Melody – Amazing Grace
Composed by Splat, East Bay HHH
A - maz - ing beer,
A taste profound,
A whole keg just for thee!
The pack is lost,
But home you've found,
The beer check you can see
AN DEM BIER
Melody – Ode to Joy
Composed by Splat, East Bay HHH
How much beer has he been drinking?
He is looking really lit.
As we sing here aren't we thinking,
"Do we really give a shit?"
Who's this wanker, so unseemly,
That his mom would surely frown?
Grab that beer and hold it firmly,
Drink it, drink it, down down down!
ARMY SONG
Melody - Be All That You Can Be
Contributed by Chimp Pimp, Osan Bulgogi HHH
Be, all that you can be.
Get a big fat wife,
And a fucked up life,
In the R-ME
(hoohah!)
R-Me! R-Me! R-me! R-me! R-me! (running in place)
R-Me training sir!
How do you spell R-Me?
R! Me! (point at self)
AUNT I HIGH
Melody – High Hopes
Contributed by Cannibis Licked Her, California Larrikins HHH
Just what makes my little old aunt?
Think she can smoke that cannabis plant.
Everyone knows an aunt, can't, smoke a cannabis plant
But she has High Hopes
Yes she getting High - folks
So close your eyes before - my Aunt
Drops Her Pants.
Drink it down, down, down . . .
AUTOHASH SONG
Melody - Dear Lord, Won't You Buy Me a Mercedes-Benz (Janis Joplin)
By Flying Booger
(used to honor autohashers)
(International version)
Dear Lord, won't you give me a ride to the beer,
My friends are all drinking, and I'm stuck out here,
I'll ride in a lorry, rickshaw, or tuk tuk,
If you drive me there I'll throw in a down, down, down, down . . .
(USA version)
Dear Lord, won't you give me a ride to the beer,
My friends are all drinking, and I'm stuck out here,
I'll ride in a Chevy, a Ford or a truck,
If you drive me there I'll throw in a down, down, down, down . . .
BATTLE HYMN OF THE HASHER
Melody – Battle Hymn of the Republic
Composed by Splat, East Bay HHH
His eyes have seen the horror of the steepness of the trail,
His ears have heard the whining of the whinging Hashers’ tale,
His lips have felt the passing of this nation's finest ale,
This Hasher's done it all!
CHORUS:
Glory, Glory, Ale and Lager!
Glory, Glory, Ale and Lager!
Glory, Glory, Ale and Lager!
Now drink it down, down, down!
(for wearers of new shoes)
His feet will feel the dampness of the clean footware he's worn
His soul will sense the shame and wish that he had not been born
All of him will suffer pain like shiggy's sharpest thorn
This Hasher's worn new shoes!
THE BEERY BUNCH
Melody - Brady Bunch Theme
By Koresh, Las Vegas HHH
Here's the story,
Of a thirsty hasher,
Who was running at the back of a pack.
Every bad trail that there was,
Well he found it.
He must have ran for miles!
It's the story,
Of some sacred nectar,
That was chilling with a mind of it's own.
It was one beer,
Sitting in the cooler,
Yet it still had no foam.
'Till the circle,
When the hasher met the nectar.
And he knewwww it just couldn't stick around.
That's when his shorts went down around his ankles
And the beer became a down down down down down!
A down down down!
A down down down!
That's the waaaaayyyyyyy it became a down down down!
BIRTHDAY SONGS
______
BIRTHDAY SONG # 1
Melody - Happy Birthday to You
Happy birthday, fuck you,
Happy birthday, fuck you,
Happy birthday, you asshole,
Happy birthday, fuck you.
Drink it down, down, down . . .
______
BIRTHDAY SONG # 2
Melody - Happy Birthday to You
Happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday to you,
You look like a hasher,
And you smell like one too.
Drink it down, down, down . . .
______
BIRTHDAY SONG # 3
Melody – Happy Birthday to You
Contributed by Mudrock, Las Vegas HHH
May you live one hundred years
May you drink one million beers
Get plastered you bastard
Happy Birthday to you.
______
BIRTHDAY SONG # 4
Melody - Here's to _____, He's a Blue
Composed by Flying Booger for Scratch 'n' Sniff's 30th
Here's to (name), she's true blue,
It's her birthday, boo hoo hoo,
She is (age) if she's a day,
Wishes she were younger,
But there's no way!
Drink it down, down, down . . .
______
BIRTHDAY SONG # 5
Melody - Oliver!
Composed by Bach 'n' Forth, Palm Beach HHH, in honor of Shortcake's 50th; included here on the off-chance it can be adapted for other hashers' birthdays
You're 50 years old, Shortcakes.
You've finally reached half of a century.
We hope you've got what it takes . . . to stay . . . a-live till you're 51!
Maybe it's time to take some respite from these trashing days; the end of your hashing days is near . . .
Let's hope the Chester the Molester doesn't kill you first with that home-brew shit he calls beer!
You're 50 years old, Shortcakes.
Here's wishing you lots of luck . . .
And hoping that the future holds in store for you . . . 50 more years to fuck!
______
BIRTHDAY SONG # 6
Melody - The Eyes of Texas Are Upon You
Contributed by Zippy
Your day of birth is now upon you,
You're older by one day,
Your day of birth is now upon you,
And now you're gonna pay,
The Hash is gonna lay it on you,
You dirty bastard (bitchin') hound,
Your day of birth is now upon you,
Drink it down, down down down down
______
BIRTHDAY SONG # 7
Melody - Ta-Ra-Ra-Boom-Te-Aay
Contributed by Nose Candy
This is your birthday song,
It isn't very long . . .
Drink it down, down, down . . .
BLESSING OF "G"
Optional prayer offered by the religious advisor before the hash, from Shuttle Cock of the Houston HHH . . . should be performed in the style of a Catholic/Episcopal dismissal
RA: The buzz which passes all understanding,
Keep your hearts and minds in the knowledge and love of hashing,
And the Blessing of "G" all plastered:
The Flour (make first slash of "X" in the air)
The Sun (complete the "X" in the air)
And the Short Cut that pays off (make circle around "X" in the air)
Be among you and remain with you always.
Go Forth to Love and Serve the Hash.