Discipleship Series (Lesson 7) 11-7-12
Forgiven – Forgiving PastorAl Hulten
Text: Matthew 5:21-24; 18:21-35; Memorize: Ephesians 4:32
OUR NEED TO ______.Matthew 5:21-24
1 Timothy 1:18-19; Psalm 32:1-5
How do I gain and maintain a clear conscience?
1. Maintain a clear conscience with ______. 1 John 1:9; Acts 24:16
2. Be open to ______. Matt. 5:23
3. Identify your ______.
4. Try to relive your offense through ______.
5. Purpose to ______.
6. Prepare the right ______.
7. Go in ______.
8. Understand why the person may ______.
It’s important that we learn to distinguish between ______and ______.
AS A FOLLOWER OF JESUS, AS I HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN BY GOD,
I MUST FORGIVE THOSE WHO SIN AGAINST ME.
OUR NEED TO ______. Matthew 18:21-35
When we refuse to forgive:
1. ______are broken and ______are erected.
2. ______and ______begin to grow.
3. Our ______is affected.
“When we are unforgiving, it’s we who pay the price over and over.” Mayo Clinic
“Forgiving someone is the best gift you can give to yourself.” Bishop T.D. Jakes
WHEN YOU HAVE FORGIVEN BUT YOU CAN’T FORGET:
1. Don’t let your ______what has happened.
2. ______the person who hurt you.
3. Remember the ______.
Lord, I give you permission to take the judgment and bitterness out of my life.
I surrender it to You and ask You to remove it-
to heal me where I have been wounded,to forgive me where I have sinned.
I choose not to blame or hold the actions of othersagainst them.
I hereby surrender my right to be paid back for my loss
by the one who has sinned against me, and in doing so,
I declare my trust in God alone as the Righteous Judge.
Heavenly Father bless them in every way,
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
To find past lessons in this series, go to click on ministries, then pursuit groups, then teaching and study. Scroll down to “discipleship class” and then click on the lesson you want. The first page will be the worksheet, and my notes in subsequent pages.
Discipleship Series #7 11-07-12
FORGIVEN – FORGIVINGPastor Al Hulten
Matthew 5:21-24; 18:21-35 Memorize: Ephesians 4:32
Go over verses.2 Pet. 3:18; Ps 25:4-5; Job 23:12;Mat 7:11; 1 Pet 1:15-16;James 4:7;
Work on memory verse: Ephesians 4:32
Be kind and compassionate to one another,
forgiving each other,
just as in Christ God forgave you.
Years ago I had spent several months going around and around with a life-insurance company over a policy I had been trying to get. They had fouled up one thing after another and I had gotten letters of apology and phone calls of apology. And then there came the final straw: another letter of apology over another foul up. And I had just had it.
I was angry; I was frustrated; I had good reason to be.
So I made one more phone call to the company to the gal who had been working on this for me for several months now. And in a cool, collected, sarcastic way I told the gal just what I thought of their way of doing business, hoping she would not go to my policy application and look at what my occupation was.
After we hung up, I went back to working on my Bible study for that night, and there was the question I had written: “Is there someone whom you cannot look straight in the eye, knowing there is something between you that you have not attempted to make right?” And immediately I thought of Kitty, the lady whose day I had just spoiled. So I made a second phone call.
She was not at her desk, and the lady who answered said she would try to find her. In a couple of minutes she came on the line and I could tell she had been crying. I told her that though I had good reason to be frustrated, I had no right to treat her like I did. I asked her to forgive me.
She cried some more, and said that she would. We talked for a little bit more, and then hung up.
Why do we need to do that? Why is it that as Christians need to seek forgiveness from those whom we have offended and hurt? SMALL GROUPS with FEEDBACK.
FORGIVEN AND FORGIVING: JESUS TALKED ABOUT BOTH.
OUR NEED TO SEEK FORGIVENESS. Matt 5:21-24. (read)
I needed to seek Kitty’s forgiveness both for her sake, and for my sake.
I had wounded her with my words, and I needed to seek to heal those wounds – for her sake, so that she could have a better day. But I also needed to do that for my own sake.
In 1 Timothy 1:18-19 Paul writes from prison to a young pastor. And he gives Pastor Timothy some advice that was inspired by the Spirit of God, advice that Timothy needed, but that you and I need as well (read)
There are spiritual effects of refusing to seek forgiveness. Along with our faith in Jesus, we also need a clear conscience. Without that, there are those who have made shipwreck of their spiritual lives Paul says.
They once had walked in faith. Once they were followers of Jesus. But because they refused to keep their conscience clear before both God and man, they made shipwreck of their faith. Seeking the forgiveness of both the God we have sinned against and the people we have sinned against is vitally important if we would keep our faith healthy.
We can never be healthy Christians if we walk around day after day with guilt on our conscience. God has not made us able to do that. Guilt will affect our spirit; it will affect our soul; it will affect our body.
King David of Israel was a man who sinned, but who also repented of his sin and confessed it to God. Listen to his words in Psalm 32:1-5
Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.
2 Blessed is the man whose sin the LORD does not count against him
and in whose spirit is no deceit.
3 When I kept silent,my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.
4 For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. Selah
5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.
I said, "I will confess my transgressions to the LORD" —
and you forgave the guilt of my sin.
I talked one time with a psychiatric social worker at EasternStateHospital about his work out there. And he told me how often there are people at Eastern State and other institutions like it whose root problem is unresolved guilt.
It’s important to keep your conscience clear. For your spiritual and emotional and mental and physical well-being, it’s important to keep your conscience clear. But how do I go about doing that? Let me quickly give you a few things you can do, and then we will move to the second side of this coin of forgiveness.
HOW DO I GAIN AND MAINTAIN A CLEAR CONSCIENCE?
1. Maintain a clear conscience withGod. You do that through regular confession of your sin to Him. 1 John 1:9 if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. Paul said in Acts 24:16 I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man. Before you deal with your offenses toward others, deal with your offenses toward God.
2. Be open to God’s voice. There in Matt. 5:23, it says when you remember that your brother has something against you… Where did that memory come from as you were there offering your gift to God? God is the one reminding you of your need to take care of this thing. Be open to His voice.
3. Identify your basic offense. Attitudes, words, actions: sometimes the offense is not right on the surface. It may not be the words you said, but your lack of respect in saying them. It may have been the attitude in which you said them. It may be that your actions have an underlying attitude of disloyalty, or rebellion, or pride, or lack of love.
4. Try to relive your offense through their eyes. You may think you have only 10% guilt and they have 90% so it’s no big deal. You may think in such a case you don’t have to ask their forgiveness. But they may see you as having 90% of the guilt and they have only 10%, and so it’s not big deal to them.
5. Purpose to ask forgiveness. Make a decision; I’m going to do it. You may have to wait for the right timing, or the opportunity. You may have to wait until God brings that person across your path. But once you have made the decision to ask forgiveness, God will be faithful to work out the necessary details.
6. Prepare the right wording. The Prodigal Son gives us the example here. Long before he had that emotional meeting with his father, he had worked out exactly what he was going to say: “I will go to my father and I will say…” Emotions can make us say strange things off the top of our head if we have not prepared.
Make it short and direct and to the point, and go over it until you can say it without stumbling around.
7. Go in person if at all possible. Putting in writing some of the things we need people to forgive us of is not usually a wise thing. See the person face to face if at all possible. Maybe a phone call could work, but only as a last resort. Otherwise, I personally think it’s best to wait for God to open a door to talk in person rather than putting it in writing.
8. Understand why the person may refuse to forgive you.
In Small Groups: Why is it that someone may be hesitant or even
refuse to forgive you for what you have done that has hurt them?RESPONSES.
Their blame/guilt balance will be upset.
They may think you are insincere, haven’t really repented.
May need to see some change in your behavior.
You may be dealing with a superficial issue rather than being willing to
deal with the real issue. Words & actions vs. attitudes & motives.
Let me talk about one more thing before we move on. It’s important to distinguish between forgiveness and consequences. ASK: What’s the difference between those two things? RESPONSES.
You can ask the judge to forgive you for robbing a bank, and he may do that. But you’re still going to prison. Sin has consequences, and although our guilt can be totally removed, often the consequences of our sin remain.
Some say that it’s just natural for young people to sow their wild oats, and many follow that philosophy. It may be natural, but it’s not inevitable. It’s our sinful nature, and what we need to understand is that though God may forgive us for those sinful actions, there is still a harvest that comes from sowing our wild oats that has nothing to do with forgiveness.
Our sinful nature must be disciplined, and if it is not, there will be consequences that God’s forgiveness does not remove.
Let’s look now at the other side of the coin. Turn to Matt. 18.
AS A DISCIPLE OF JESUS, ASI HAVE BEEN FORGIVEN BY GOD, I MUST FORGIVE THOSE WHO SIN AGAINST ME.
OUR NEED TO GRANT FORGIVENESS.
Read Matthew 18:21-35. (Unforgiving servant).
C.S. Lewis wrote that “everyone says that forgiveness is a lovely idea, that is, until they have something to forgive.”
Our need to forgive is always brought about by something someone else does to us, or to our family, or to someone we care about. And I suppose at that moment our sense of justice says: “Something needs to happen to that person. They need to pay for what they have done.” And perhaps they do. The problem is that our sinful nature so often gets mixed in.
I read recently: “There's no one definition of forgiveness. But in general, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentments and thoughts of revenge.
Forgiveness is the act of untying yourself from thoughts and feelings that bind you to the offense committed against you.” Without forgiveness we are bound to that offense committed against us, and that’s not good.
Some of you know the story of the assassination of President James Garfield in 1881.James A. Garfield was one of the Republican Party’s leading lights in the years following the Civil War. Born in a log cabin, he rose to become a college president, Union Army general, and congressman—all by the age of thirty-two. In 1880, at the age of 48 he was elected President of the United States.
Garfield’s term in office, however, was cut tragically short. Just four months into his presidency, a would-be assassin approached Garfield at the Washington, D.C., railroad station and fired a single shot into his back.
Luckily, the shot was not fatal. Garfield’s bad luck was to have his fate placed in the care of arrogant physicians who did not accept the new theory of germs and antiseptics. Repeatedly probing the wound with unwashed and unsanitary hands, Garfield’s doctor tried to find the bullet, but instead introduced terrible infections and brought about his death two months later.
Refusing to grant forgiveness is like probing that wound in President Garfield’s back – over and over and over again. Long ago it should have healed, but we won’t let it. We probe it with our dirty fingers and keep the wound open. And it becomes infected, and potentially lethal.
WHEN WE REFUSE TO FORGIVE: ASK: What are some things that happen? RESPONSES.
Relationships are broken and walls are erected.In the verses just before the story we read about the unforgiving servant in Matt. 18, it says this: "If your brother sins against you, go show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector. Matt 18:15-17. Imagine what happens to relationships as that scenario is played out.
Resentment and bitterness begin to grow.This is the infection that sets into our wound. In counseling with younger pastors, I have often told them that they need to keep their wounds clean. Often in pastoring we are wounded. It’s part of the price of leadership. And unless you keep your wounds clean, you become resentful and bitter and unfit to be used by God.
Our physical health is affected. I googled “forgiveness and physical effects” and one of the links that came up was to the Mayo Clinic web site. I had heard from medical people of the effects of unforgiveness on our health, and the effects of forgiveness. Here’s what some of the doctors at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN had to say.
What are the benefits of forgiving someone?
“Researchers have recently become interested in studying the effects of being unforgiving and being forgiving. Evidence is mounting that holding on to grudges and bitterness results in long-term health problems. Forgiveness, on the other hand, offers numerous benefits, including:
- Lower blood pressure
- Stress reduction
- Less hostility
- Better anger management skills
- Lower heart rate
- Lower risk of alcohol or substance abuse
- Fewer depression symptoms
- Fewer anxiety symptoms
- Reduction in chronic pain
- More friendships
- Healthier relationships
- Greater religious or spiritual well-being
- Improved psychological well-being
“When we hold on to pain, old grudges, bitterness and even hatred, many areas of our lives can suffer. When we're unforgiving, it's we who pay the price over and over. We may bring our anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience. Our lives may be so wrapped up in the wrong that we can't enjoy the present.”
From a medical perspective: “When we’re unforgiving, it’s we who pay the price over and over.” No wonder God says to us in the verse we are going to memorize this week:
Be kind and compassionate to one another,
forgiving each other,
just as in Christ God forgave you.Ephesians 4:32
We forgive because of Jesus’ suffering and death on Calvary. He took the punishment for that sin on the cross, so we have no right to make that person suffer for what they have done. The penalty has been paid.
But what about when you have tried to forgive someone, and yet you can’t seem to get out of your mind what they did to you? You’ve forgiven, at least you think you have, but you can’t forget.
Because of the saying “forgive and forget” there are people who feel that somehow they must not have forgiven properly because they have not forgotten. You will not find in the Bible a command: “forgive and forget.” Why? Because it’s often not possible to forget. The memory of that hurt will be there long after we have forgiven. But here are three things we can do.
1.Don’t let your mind dwell on what happened. Satan just loves to get us to go over and over a thing until it just consumes us. Don’t let him do that to you. You can choose what you let your mind dwell on. Chose to not let your mind dwell on the hurts of the past. Choose to fill your mind with something else.