Courage Ministry

Article 54 - December 2009

Brendan Scarce

Psychosexual Orientation – A Courage member’s presentation

Introduction

At the recently completed first Oceania Courage Conference held in Brisbane, a number of papers and presentations were given by invited speakers and Courage/Encourage members. Our first article from the Conference is that of psychosexuality and the question of orientation. This was presented by a long serving member of Brisbane Courage. Because we hold to the practice of confidentiality, the identity of the Courage member must remain anonymous. Consequently I have made some alterations to the presentation to maintain the member’s privacy.

Nobody is born with same sex attraction.

The assertion was made by the presenter that nobody is born ‘gay’. Neither is any one born ‘straight’ either. Nobody is born with any psycho-sexual orientation, for nobody is born with an erotic preference. Does that mean that one chooses one’s psycho-sexual orientation? My answer to that is “no”, but it’s a trick question. If we frame the question in simple “yes/no” terms, the simple answer is “no”, but the simple answer leaves a lot of the truth untold.

Terminology

Before the member went further with the presentation there was the matter of terminology to be dealt with. I want to say a couple of things about terminology. The current thinking in Courage circles is to avoid the use of the terms “gay”, “lesbian” and “homosexual” on the grounds that these terms tend to reduce a human person to his or her psycho-sexual orientation. (See CDF Document “On the Pastoral Care of Homosexual Persons” Note 16 about reducing the human person to a reductionist label).

Along with others in Courage, I much prefer the term “same sex attracted” to describe those men and women whose erotic preference tends toward their own kind. There are times however when I believe circumstances permit or even demand that a term like “gay’ be used for clarity of meaning.

Psychosexual orientation: the preferred term rather than orientation

Similarly, there is a move away from the term “orientation” when talking about same-sex attracted people, partly because it tends to imply something permanent and irreversible. And, according to Fr. John Harvey, “the only genuinely sexual orientation is heterosexual.” However, for my purposes today it is a difficult term to avoid, not least because it is the term invariably used in the professional literature from which much of the material I will be discussing is drawn. Because I agree with Fr Harvey’s assessment and to avoid the suggestion that “orientation” is set in stone, I will use the term “psychosexual orientation”.

Is psycho-sexual orientation innate or chosen ?

Let me start with an analogy that is familiar to you. It would be fair to say that no-one in this room was born speaking a language fluently. No baby pops out of its mother’s womb and starts having a conversation. But none of us chooses our mother tongue either. There are many factors influencing the development of an individual’s ability to converse fluently in a language. In childhood we have a certain amount of formal instruction in our native language. But generally, we learn language by repeating patterns of speech over and over until they become second nature. And of course, it comes as no surprise that our parents’ pattern of speech would be our primary influence.

Interestingly enough however, while everyone in this room probably speaks English fluently, each of us speaks it differently. Each of us has the verbal equivalent of a fingerprint, which arises out of the individual’s responses and/or reactions to the verbal stimuli around them.

In a similar way, one’s psycho-sexual orientation is neither innate nor, strictly speaking, chosen. It is learnt, and arises out of our responses and/or reactions to the gender-specific and gender-related stimuli around us, particularly during childhood.

Genetic Sex

One’s physical sexuality is a prenatal phenomenon consisting of three principal stages, namely genetic sex, anatomical sex, and sexual differentiation in the brain.

Genetic sex is determined at conception. The ovum or egg of the mother provides an X chromosome to the embryo. Depending on the single sex chromosome in the fertilizing sperm of the father, X or Y, the embryo will be genetically female (XX) or genetically male (XY).

Anatomical Sex

The next phase, anatomical sex, begins at about seven weeks into the pregnancy. At this point, the rudimentary sexual tissues remain undifferentiated. Unless there is some physiological intervention, they will develop into female organs. In genetically male embryos, the Y chromosome produces a protein that covers the tissues otherwise destined to become female sexual organs, basically blocking off any further development in that direction, and initiates the formation of male sexual anatomy.

Sexual differentiation in the brain

In the second trimester of foetal life, following the formation of differentiated sex organs, the third phase occurs. The hormonal environment in the womb is basically feminizing. The now-formed testes in a male foetus produce a surge of testosterone, which masculinises clusters of cells in the brain. In a female foetus, oestrogen and progesterone produced mainly by the ovaries, feminize counterpart cell clusters in the brain. This neurohormonal programming of brain cell clusters influences later characteristics and behaviours, such as aggressiveness in the male and nurturing tendencies in the female.

Psychosexuality or sexualized consciousness is sexuality as it manifests itself in the mind. It is a postnatal development, consisting of three interwoven components. The first is core gender identity, that is, one’s basic conviction of being male or female. The second is gender role identity, the subtly different conviction of being masculine or feminine. The third is psychosexual orientation, one’s preferential erotic attraction to members of the opposite sex, or some variation of the theme.

Core gender identity

Core gender identity occurs as part of the phenomenon known as “individuation”. At about eighteen months to two years of age, a child begins to understand that he or she is an individual. The child undergoes a kind of psychological birth, moving away from the symbiotic relationship with the mother. Part of this dawning sense of being an individual is the recognition that “I am a boy” or “I am a girl”.

Gender role identity

Gender role identity is slightly different, but is part of the same process. The child gradually forms the conviction that he or she matches or fails to match the gender role expectations of his or her particular cultural environment, ie “I am masculine” or “I am feminine”. In girls, even though there dawns an awareness of being an individual distinct from the mother, there remains an identifying attachment to the mother: “I am a girl, I am like Mummy”, which develops into the conviction: “I am feminine”. Identification of this kind leads to imitation, repeated patterns of gender-appropriate behaviours and interests and, in the course of events, a happy heterosexuality.

Boys need to psychologically detach from their mothers and form an attachment to their fathers in order to develop a masculine identity. The notion “I am a boy, Daddy’s a boy, I am like Daddy” involves an additional step. Nevertheless in the normal course of events a boy identifies with his father, imitates his father, and develops masculine interests and behaviour and so on. At this point the presenter made some references to physical and psychological sexual development and concluded this section by asserting “that there is no evidence of any causal link between genetic or anatomical abnormalities and later same sex attraction.”

Defensive detachment

Gender role identity is absolutely critical in the development of the third component of psychosexuality, namely orientation. As a general rule, the problem of what is termed “defensive detachment” occurs at this stage and is seen as the most common cause of later same sex attractions. What seems to occur in these cases is a perception on the part of the child that the same sex parent is not loving, not nurturing, not welcoming. The child then adopts a mindset referred to as “defensive detachment”. Instead of emotionally attaching to the same sex parent, identifying with them, imitating them, the child emotionally detaches and either fails or refuses to identify with them, fails or refuses to imitate them, and therefore fails to adopt an appropriate gender role identity. It is important to note that the psychic trauma at the core of the problem is something subjectively perceived by the child. The “defensive detachment “is exclusively a

phenomenon in the mind of the child. The parent has nothing to do with it at all, so we cannot blame a parent for this development. It happens.

The “defensive detachment” can be exacerbated by an abnormally close relationship with or attachment to the opposite sex parent. Or conversely, it might arise out of it.

The problem here is that the need for love from a same-sex source is a normal developmental need. If a person does not get the love from the source Mother Nature intended, the person pines for it. The consequent emotional deficit persists into adulthood and needs to be healed, replenished or repaired, by turning to alternative sources of same-sex love, typically a same-sex parent substitute or a person’s same sex peers.

Fantasy and emotional deficit

The longing for same-sex love, when not fulfilled by the same sex parent, is directed elsewhere. This typically manifests itself as same sex attractions if and when it becomes sexualized; that is, linked in the brain with sexual pleasure. While gender non-conformist behaviour during childhood might indicate a problem developing in a subject’s gender role identity, it is usually not until puberty, when the subject starts to fantasize about his or her same sex peers, or possibly a favourite same sex teacher or other significant adult, that the link is made between the emotional deficit in need of repair and sexual gratification. Gerard van den Aardweg, a Dutch psychiatrist very well experienced in this field of counselling, regards adolescence as more significant than early childhood in the formation of a tendency toward same sex attraction. The same psychiatrist identifies two definitive elements to same sex attractions, namely a gender role identity inferiority complex and self pity. This will have to wait another day for further explanations.

Conclusion

The experience of same sex attractions is not, in any way, shape or form, chosen by an individual who finds him or herself subject to them. Similarly, the realization within a given individual that he or she is subject to same sex attractions is not a matter of choice. However, the actual adoption of a “gay” identity and indulgence in a “gay” lifestyle is vey much a matter of choice.

There are other matters touched on by the presenter but it would fill a book to summarize them all. Nonetheless throughout 2010 I will make a synopsis of other talks and presentations that were given at the Conference for the Courage article series. In this way you will get a good snapshot of what was discussed and debated and talked about at the inaugural Oceania Courage Conference.

Praise the name of Jesus – who is for us at Christmas-tide Emmanuel:God with us.

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