The Star Spangled Banner
by Lauren Chaves
Artist: Melissa Jeralds
PART III
There is a nexus, in which one drops into when no one is holding onto them. Everyone is watching on as they toil on in this taught nexus. No arm or mechanical device can extend far enough to save them. The nexus dips in slightly, so climbing out is impossible. It just so happens to be made of a black slippery nylon fabric, no foot holds. Oh just great, you say. How is one to get out of such a predicament, and how did they get there? Was it the wheels of fortune that plopped this poor soul in such a treacherous place?
No. Did the justice system place them there? No, but that would perhaps be less costly. Are you frustrated shall we get on with the story?
Max and Natasha were running on wet slippery grass as fast as synthetic adrenaline could allow them. Little did they know, they had just stepped onto that black nylon fabric I mentioned in the above puzzle. Natasha slipped as she climbed up a grassy hill, and Max stopped to help her up. Just as they both stood up, they stood face-to-face with a Saint Michael’s security rent-a-cop.
“What are you guys doing up this late, running around?”
“Uhh..uhh we were taking a stroll,” said Max. Do we outrun them or not? Report the psycho Dan Sheldon as a woman beater?
“Are you guy’s going to fess up? Hey, what’s that sticking out of your pants? Is that a laptop? Where’d you get that?”
RUN
Natasha started the foot race and immediately dipped into the woods she knew well. She heard the rent-a-cop crackle into his radio, “I need back up over in quadrant four. We got some runners. I think they might have something to do with that break in.”
SHIT. SHIT. Even though I’m the one who looks like a bruised apple, Dan of course turned it around and said he was the fucking victim.
Max followed closely behind her to the point that he even felt her blonde hair whipping his outreached hand.
“Stop now and your punishment won’t be as severe.”
If we go through the Gilcrease forest and around the pond, it connects to a parking lot with a street. To the left are houses. I’ll aim for someone’s backyard if this fucking rent-a-cock-bag doesn’t catch up.
The rent-a-cop began to heave, “If you guys think that you’ll get away with this by running away, remember I saw your faces. I’m the one that has had no student escape me I..I..I..I take ‘em all down.”
“Aren’t you a ghost hunter in your spare time? Notice how this isn’t difficult for me to speak and run? Also, ghost hunter, do you have any friends or have you been a dick all of your life?”
“Max! Shut up!”
With that, Max understood somehow telepathically that their journey would soon be coming to an end, and they needed to distance themselves from the rent-a-cop.
God, I don’t know if you care about me, but please let my plan work out. I need a cigarette, thought Natasha.
The pond was tranquil as they rounded it. Neither Max nor Natasha made a splash, but they heard the rent-a-cop as he accidentally stepped a foot in. Natasha signaled for Max to be quiet, and she made him duck behind a muddy bog. They waited to hear the rent-a-cop’s stomps and hoped he would go right past them. Natasha covered their tracks with mud and searched for Max’s eyes in the darkness and held his gaze until she heard the success of their plan achieved. Natasha saw the rent-a-cop continue into the darkness of the forest. I wonder if he even knows how to get out?
Natasha and Max continued to crouch down below the trees until they came to the well-lit street, and they ran for the nearest backyard. They noticed under the fluorescent lighting how muddy they were. They looked like creatures from the black lagoon. Natasha had clumps of mud in her hair, and Max used to have a white t-shirt. They sought refuge on a hammock in someone’s backyard guarded by thick pine trees. Natasha brought out a cigarette and put it to her lips. She looked at the cigarette. It was covered in mud.
“That wasn’t even a close one was it, Max?”
“Nope!”
“Nice plan, I had it figured once you told me to shut up. Reminds me of when we out ran them last year. Do you think Dan told them exactly who we were?”
“Yup.”
“Kay, just checking in. Should we plan a defense?”
“I say we use my bruises and your laptop as a reference to the fact that it’s yours. Like papers and things of that sort.”
“Do you think it will work?”
“In the most positive of lights Max.”
A porch light shot on, and Max and Natasha sprinted for the next backyard.
***
Dawn broke and Natasha moved her sore body around. She lifted up her shirt and saw dark purple bruises all over her abdomen where Dan Sheldon had kicked her. She then twisted to see her back and saw that the whole night she had been bleeding. She must have scraped herself on the porch when Dan threw her. Max was snoring on his back. For all he knew, he was asleep in his bed, and not an outlaw in someone’s backyard.
She nudged Max, “Time to get up and sneak back into our dorms. Perhaps take a shower.”
“What? Oh ya, I forgot for a second where we were. Damn Natasha, your face is swollen.”
“Yeah, one eye won’t open for me, but nothing a cold shower can’t fix. Let’s start our long walk. I still want to get him back. I want to kill him. I have never lost a fight Max. I don’t intend on losing the next one.”
“Okay, you did as best you could until I found that bong to knock that rhino out, but champ, let’s start walking faster. People in their cars keep giving us weird looks like we’re the scum of the Earth.”
“We do smell like it.”
“Oh, no doubt.”
***
Natasha was toweling her hair dry. As she removed the towel, she noticed that it had clumps of mud in it.
I guess just standing in the shower awaiting my future punishment didn’t wash me of last night’s hellish nightmare, Natasha thought. Many people tout the fact that they have only eleven percent body fat, but for Natasha, only eleven percent of her body wasn’t bruised.
“Oww,” her whole body shook as tried to stand up. She turned on Jane’s Addiction real loud and screamed the lyrics until she cried. Standing by her desk and laptop, she thought she would see if there was an e-mail from campus security or the Dean of Students.
From:
Subject: Theft, Expulsion Hearing
Date: September 2, 2010
To:
We at Saint Michael’s College do not take breaking and entering and theft lightly. As you know, it is in our school conduct booklet. Any student accused of theft is
to be immediately expelled; however, in order to do so, we need to bring you up against the board of trustees.
There you will present your apologies, but they will vote to most likely expel you. With all of this being said, I want you in my office at 12:00 pm today. They may decide your future, but I am very upset and offended that such a grievous occurrence happened on my campus. In short, I’d like to look the culprits in their eyes.
Stu Masshole
Dean of Students
Wow, I believed that I would at least be innocent until proven guilty, but I guess that’s what I get for trying to teach the rich a lesson, Natasha thought.
She didn’t sit down instead she just grabbed onto the edge of the desk and squeezed
If they don’t want the truth, then they can rest easy without me. One day they will know what a big mistake they made. One day I will win.
She threw an empty beer bottle at her door, and it shattered. As Natasha was admiring the twinkling glass, Max shouted from outside her door, “Natasha what the fuck was that? Did you get that fucking e-mail?”
“Come in only if you have shoes on.”
“Jesus, I didn’t shatter beer bottles when I read it, but I’m pissed.”
“It was only one.”
“It’s not the end of the world.”
“Actually it is. My parents are going to be so pissed. This is the only college that gave me a scholarship. We all know why. People from the east think Las Vegas is one big ghetto. Got to save all of us underprivileged kids, but then make sure we stay within our stereotype. Then, when we fuck up, they can just say well she was from Las Vegas. We are probably better off to get her out of our community. We tried to rehabilitate her, but we failed. The system failed her. When in actuality, no one realizes it’s the system that fucks you over from the very beginning. It was never built to rescue anyone.”
“Agreed, we all know that Natasha. It’s whether or not someone chooses to see it. So can we take a step away from philosophy and move on to tactics?”
“Yeah..ahh…I guess. I don’t know how well any of our scheming is going to work if Dan Sheldon’s uncle is on the motherfucking board of trustees.”
“Well, we have the laptop to prove he originally stole it from me. The dumb asshole never deleted any of my previous work. Even my i-Tunes library is still titled, MaxisRAD”
“Alright Sherlock, it would be nice if we had a receipt, but then you’d have to ask your parents. We both know that’s an endgame.”
Natasha lit a cigarette and blew the smoke out her window. She still hadn’t had time to decorate her dorm room. Her bed still lacked all of her bedding. There wasn’t even a poster up. The white walls entombed Max and Natasha.
“Well, it’s eleven a.m. and I just missed my first class of the semester.”
“Yeah well, they are trying to make it, so we don’t ever go to a class again, so what’s the point Max? Is there a point to any of this? If this is how the rest of life works out, forever a proletariat, I don’t want this life for myself. I don’t care about material goods, but I do want to be respected and appreciated. I am a goddamn human, so are you and everybody else.”
“Why are you being so Hiroshima on me? There is still something to be done. Please put on your fighting face for me just like you did last night when you expertly got us away from security.”
“Look how much good that did us.”
“Dan narked on us. A kid who sells coke narked because he knows he is untouchable. It is unbelievable. That’s gotta be in one of Biggie’s rap songs. Don’t nark if you’re selling coke.”
“It’s time for that Dean to think he’s handing our asses to us, get your hat.”
“If we go down, we go down together.” Natasha grabbed his hand.
***
The nexus made of a nylon tarp began to sink further down. They sat on an itchy couch in the Dean’s assistant’s office awaiting their pretrial. Max had the laptop clutched over his chest. His knuckles were white, which matched the walls. To mask the white walls, the heavy set assistant put up motivational posters everywhere.
One read, “If you are feeling alone and have suicidal thoughts, remember we are always here to talk to you.”
Hilarious who the fuck would want to talk to these idiots about their innermost feelings, thought Natasha.
“So you two are the thieves, right? You may find me unprofessional in talking about matters, which don’t concern me, but I wanted to assert my opinion. We here are better off without the likes of you two.” After the secretary stated her opinion, she rewarded herself with a sour cream-onion chip out of the gallon-sized bag.
An even fatter humanoid walked out in a green sweater vest. It was easy to see that the bottom of the sweater had elastic, so it would reach around his stomach.
“Max and Natasha, I will see you both now.”
Max and Natasha sat facing a glorious mahogany desk. Littered with papers and pictures of his darling brats who have attended Saint Michael’s.
More untouchables. thought Natasha.
“So there’s no guessing game of why you are both here today. Dan Sheldon has been a victim of theft and has named you two as the culprits. I can see that you brought the laptop, so you can return it to its proper owner; however, that does not undo your deed nor the fact that you two broke in and attacked Dan. What brought you two to this point? We are only one day into the semester, and you two have already caused so much havoc. Is it money problems or was this how you two were raised?”
“Well, sir, this is actually my laptop. Dan Sheldon originally stole it from me last year.”
“Oh really?”
“Yes, I have proof my i-Tunes is still titled as mine, and all of the documents written for classes are under my name.”
“Well, yes Max, I would see how that would be, considering that Dan Sheldon is a nice guy. He says that he loaned this laptop to you last year. He really is a good example for other students to follow. You bit the hand that fed you. He says that once he found out you did drugs, he took the laptop away from you. Apparently, you held a grudge and last night attacked him and stole his property. It really was a heartbreaking story he told me that he still feels sorry for you. See people like Dan Sheldon are givers. He told me that he believes that every student in college deserves to have a laptop, and when he found out that you didn’t have one, he loaned his old one to you.”
“This is all grossly false. My parents purchased this for me for graduating high school. I even got a free printer with it. Look at Natasha, she reaped the most wounds from last night.”