Family Contract Example
For Parents
House Rules and Home Success Plan
Below you will find a well developed example of a Home success plan outline. It is important to remember that each discharging child and his/her family have unique needs, goals and resources. Please use the following examples as a guide for developing an appropriate Home success plan. Please remember to include the attendance of recommended services from the Home transition form.
Please Note: We have provided many, many, many options and ideas for what to include in your home plan and how to put it together. Some of it may sound just right for your situation while other parts may feel too cumbersome or complicated for you. Please use all of this information simply as a guide while working with your support network at home to determine what’s best for your family. Remember that simple and clear is usually the best.Family: (These rules and expectations apply to everyone in the household.)
§ We will be responsible and act respectful at all times.
§ We will be kind, courteous, and cooperative with each other.
§ We will express our thoughts and feelings appropriately.
§ Family members will speak courteously to each other. No rudeness, put downs, or insults.
§ Discussions are excellent. However, family members will not yell during a discussion. Any family member who yells in anger at another family member will take a mandatory 10 minute break. When he/she returns, the issue will be discussed appropriately.
§ All family members will clean up after themselves and do their part.
§ There will be no use of profanity or violence in the household.
§ Family members will respect each other’s personal belongings.
§ Family members will ask before borrowing something that belongs to others and will return it in original condition to its proper place.
§ All family members will respect one another’s privacy. Each member will knock and wait for permission before opening someone’s closed door. (Parents may reserve the right to open a child’s door if they feel it necessary).
§ Family members will share positive feelings with each other.
Children:
§ I will complete my assigned chores and homework before I have free time each day.
§ I will attend school daily. If I do not go to school, I will tell my parents to prevent further complications.
§ I will keep my parents informed at all times and check in according to the established plan.
§ I will not spend unsupervised time with friends without expressed permission from my parents.
§ I will choose friends who are positive and responsible.
§ I will accept negative consequences for my poor choices.
§ I will not use or possess illegal chemicals, drugs, or alcohol. If I do, I will inform my parents and/or counselor within 24 hours.
§ I will report any school problems or rule violations to my parents or counselor within 24 hours.
§ I will refrain from attempting to manipulate my parents into giving me what I want.
§ Going out on a school night must be negotiated 24 hours in advance.
§ Parties must be pre-arranged and an adult must be invited (and allowed to attend if they wish).
§ No friends are allowed in the home without permission from my parents.
§ I will find and participate in activities and interests that are positive and promote success.
Parents:
§ Will be timely, kind, firm, fair, and consistent.
§ Will be a positive role model.
§ Will be open to constructive criticism from children in the home. Will allow them to speak their mind and express their feelings.
§ Will be a Consultant Parent and give children choices.
§ Will not display anger when giving consequences.
§ Will not use ______as a threat. Instead parents will remind adolescents the positive things learned at ______.
§ Will use encouragement and reward more often than negative consequences.
§ Will allow opportunities for children to earn their privileges back.
§ Will not give long lectures or discussions.
§ Will make requests and expectations specific, brief, and uncomplicated.
Other things to consider including
· Participation in family meetings
· Participation in family therapy
· Scheduled ‘fun’ time for all family members
· Following through on reunification goals (all family members)
· Following through on goals for school
· Self-care – getting good sleep, eating well and exercising regularly
· A timeline for when and how a child can earn additional privileges.
· Leave space in your home plan for other rules and considerations that kids and parents may want to include later on.
· Signature lines for each family member. This indicates that person was included in the process of creating the house rules and or home success plan and commits to following it.
Consequences
Many families find it helpful to create consequences in advance for some problem behaviors.
Option 1:
Create a ‘laundry list’ of possible consequences that is posted in a convenient place for all to see. If a child breaks a rule or exhibits problem behavior they may select a consequence from the list. Examples include:
- Be home one hour earlier than standard curfew every day for 1 week.
- Lose computer privileges for (specified amount of time)
- Lose phone privileges for (specified amount of time)
- Do one chore for someone else each day
- Clean the garage, Etc. (kids often have good ideas for this)
Option 2:
Consider fair rules and expectations in a variety of categories such as…
-Use of car -curfew on weekdays and weekends
-Failed drug test -disrespectful behavior
-not following through on goals and expectations for school, work or volunteer activities.
Discuss with your child what they think is a fair consequence for that inappropriate behavior and put that in your home success plan.
Option 3:
Use a ‘pure’ love and logic approach to consequences. That means ‘defer and delay’ and make up whatever consequences you think are appropriate for the violation of the home plan agreements. This requires remaining calm, taking time for careful consideration and being 100% prepared to follow through with the consequence you choose. This approach helps keep the parent ‘in charge’ of the household.
Note: Consequences that are ‘relevant’ to the broken rule or expectation are the most effective.
Proposed Schedules
We find that students respond positively to consistent schedules and expectations. If you choose to create a detailed daily schedule or simply schedule a regular family meeting, it is essential that you stick to it. Part of why kids do well in our program is due to the consistency of their daily activities when we are predictable. They relax when they know what to expect. You may consider creating a standard schedule your children/family will follow upon their return home. Start following your routine now, so that you are in practice before your child returns. For example:
M – F
6:30am Wake up, shower, clean room, breakfast
8:00am – 3:00pm Attend School
3:00pm – 4:00pm Homework, personal reading or volunteer time
4:00pm – 5:00pm Personal choice (exercise, drawing, etc.)
5:00pm – 7:00pm Dinner time (help make dinner, eat with family, clean up)
7:00pm – 9:00pm Finish homework, family time, chores, get ready for bed
9:00pm Bed Time (reading okay, lights out at 9:30-pm)
S-S
9:00am -12:00pm Wake up, chores
12:00pm-5:00pm Exercise, family activity, etc.
5:00pm – 10:00pm Free time spent as approved by parent
This is just a general idea and will need to be modified to fit your family:
Ø You may wish to have more or less detail than the above example.
Ø We recommend that your child create the first draft (if possible) and then you work together to decide what will work best for everyone in the family.
Ø Be sure to include time for the self-care activities as indicated above, family meetings and other activities.
Ø It is also good to leave some ‘wiggle room’ so your schedule will be realistic and easy to follow. Creating a tightly scheduled plan and then not being able to follow it will undermine success.
Sample Transition Plan
v Whatever your transition plans, make sure you can follow through on every privilege and consequence. See ‘turning your word into gold’ in Parenting Teens with Love and Logic.
v Be aware that you may prefer to have a more or less strict transition plan. Your therapist is the best resource to help you determine what will be most effective for your child and family.
(Step 1) Upon your return home you will receive the following privileges:
Use of your room, television, and the appropriate clothing you had before you
went to ______.
(Step 2) Week Two (or 3 or 4) if all house rules have been followed:
· You will be allowed to go out one night per weekend. You will be required to carry a parent’s cell phone for emergency purposes and to stay in contact. This cell phone is for emergency purposes and to stay in contact. This cell phone will be loaned to you during your outing only. Curfew will be the local standard curfew (10:00pm? Midnight?), no exceptions. This privilege will remain in effect until further notice.
· Friends may be allowed to visit.
· You will be allowed to use the home phone for a maximum of two hours per day.
· You will be allowed to use the home computer for 1 hour per day in a supervised setting.
(Step 3) Week Three if all house rules have been followed:
You will be allowed to receive your usual allowance.
(Step 4) “End” of week four if all house rules have been followed:
You will be allowed to have the computer back into your room.
(Step 5) “End” of week eight if all house rules have been followed:
· You will be allowed to have your cell phone returned to you.
Money:
· Once you have obtained a job, you will be allowed to register and complete a driver’s education course.
· You will be responsible for paying off any court costs related to your legal violations.
Privileges to Be Earned:
· Use of home phone
· Weekend outings
· Computer
· Cell phone
· Driver’s education
· Approval to take driving test
· Car
· Your requested privilege
Choosing Your Friends:
The choice of your friends is your decision. However, the following people are
unacceptable due to past incidents and behaviors: (insert names here). If you
choose to spend time with these people be prepared to suffer any consequences
caused by negative decisions.
Drug and Alcohol Usage:
· You will be given random drug tests for any reason or no reason for at least the first 6 months.
· If any test is positive you will go back to the previous ‘step’.
· If you test positive 2 times you will return back to step 1 and be admitted to the drug and alcohol rehabilitation program of our choice. If inpatient treatment is chosen, you will miss school until that is completed and you return home back to step 1.
· If you continue to test positive after that treatment please be prepared for parents to make an out of home placement just as occurred when you went to ______.
· Alcohol will not be tolerated. Please expect random breathalyzer tests. If the test indicates you have been drinking you will go back to the previous ‘step’.
Additional Consequences:
· If curfew is broken (at any time) you will lose your next weekend outing privilege.
· If you are caught sneaking out, you will go back to Step 1.
Some areas that may be covered by teen behavior contracts include:
· Performance or behavior at school
· Behavior at home, including treatment of other family members, language, or doing chores
· Curfews
· Driving privileges
· Dating
· Clothing, tattoos, piercings, and other appearance issues
· Cell phone use or bill payment
· Avoiding drugs and alcohol
· Extracurricular activities or how free time is spent
Consequences of breaking the conditions of the behavior contract should be clearly stated in the contract, and should be appropriate to the situation (e.g. if you are up on the phone all night, you lose phone privileges; if you break my plates, replace plates). Parents must be consistent in enforcing consequences or behavior contracts are ineffective. Consequences could include one or more of the following:
· No driving
· No dating or free time with friends
· No cell phone or phone privileges
· No television or computer
· Loss of allowance
· Writing an apology
My Needs and Expectations
As you know, the extensive work you put into the Home Success Plan is very important. Several things to consider and ways to approach this plan have been presented. As previously stated, your therapist will help guide you toward the recommended course of action for your family. Meanwhile it is important for you to identify your primary needs, expectations and the ‘non-negotiables’. Use this space to do that so you will be prepared for discussions with your therapist and more importantly your child.
Instructions: Review the previous pages on your Home Success Plan and use the space that follows to gather your ideas.
The ideas I liked the most so far include: ______
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What my child can expect from me: ______
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What I expect from my child: ______
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The home plan issues that are most likely to be difficult include: ______
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What I hope my child can bring to this process: ______
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What my child can expect from me in this process: ______
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Our children do not understand what we mean.
Our children understand what we DO.
–Author Unknown-