Examples from Real Student Research Papers
Introductions-
Good
WOW! You can…you can go straight to college, Doogie!
OMG-ROTFCWJ
OK-
Not bad. Proof that it doesn’t necessarily have to be long to be complete.
Some syntax errors—getting a bit shaky here!
A few errors and somewhat vague—bordering on bad.
Bad
A mess, full of errors, and much too brief
More proof that longer is not always better. This is unreadable gibberish by the end. Also, there is no way in heck that I approved this thesis statement. None. Don’t do that.
Don’t ask questions. Watch run-ons. Parallel construction on thesis.
No first person (we). Vague, wishy-washy wording. Parallel construction.
Oh no! Oh you…you…I give up.
AHHHHHHHHH! MAKE IT GO AWAY! PLEASE!
Body Paragraphs-
Good
Perfect cheeseburger. It’s worth noting that this is not the entire paragraph. He goes on to reinforce his point with a second scene from the novel and more critical support.
Now that is a paragraph. Notice how she fully argues each facet of her main point and even splits her overall topic sentence into several parts in the same paragraph. My only complaint is the quote to end the ‘graph.
OK
Pretty good. Perhaps a bit too much biography in the beginning, but eventually moves on to the argument.
Once again, not bad. I’d like to see a direct quote and perhaps a bit more explanation of the connection to the thesis statement, but it gets the point across.
Bad
Vague, weak, and poorly worded. Where are the specifics? Where is the support and internal citations? Very little of value here, but at least it does follow the cheeseburger format.
Starts with good intentions, but the argument quickly falls away and turns into a summary of the chapter, complete with full dialogue. There is no support of the argument after the first paragraph.
No specifics, and only vague references to the thesis here and there. Also the wording is awkward, conversational, and lazy.
HOW!?!?!?!
This is just plain hard to read. It’s choppy, doesn’t flow, and barely addresses the argument.
Biography, and poorly written at that. Let’s just move on.
Conclusions-
Good
Clear, concise, and restates the thesis in a non-obvious way, in light of the information presented in the essay.
Very nice. Again, it explores the ideas presented in the thesis but in a new and informed manner. Never simply restate the thesis in your conclusion.
OK
The author’s insistance on using Daphne instead of Du Maurier is baffling. Also, the first person could have easily been avoided, but it least it is interesting and flows reasonably well. This is close to being bad. Mid to low C.
I’m not thrilled, but at least it addresses the issue.
Slightly repetitive, awkward, and conversational at points, but there are no glaring errors and it gets the job done. C.
Bad
Repetative, awkward, and confusing. The sentence syntax and punctuation render this almost unreadable.
Sometimes words get in the way. There is an interesting conclusion in there somewhere, but the author’s erratic sentences and wording make it hard to read.
Conversational language makes up the bulk of this conclusion. Who are you talking to? Certainly not an academic audience. Also, there is no logical flow from one point to the next. It’s as if the author just wrote down the first thing that came to mind.
HUH? Wha---? I CAN HAS CHEESEBURGER?
I promised myself I wouldn’t cry. Promise broken.