Contents
Chapter 1: Assume the Assessment Mindset 13
Chapter 2: Take Stage 24
Chapter 3: Channel the Passion 30
Chapter 4: Train Your Body Language to Talk Like a Leader 38
Chapter 5: Don’t Disappear 47
Chapter 6: Be Professional, Not Professorial 61
Chapter 7: Heed the Highlighter Principle 72
Chapter 8: Strive to Say the Right Thing at the Right Time and Leave Unsaid the Wrong Thing at the Emotional Moment 80
Chapter 9: Abandon Chicken Little, But Stop Sugarcoating 91
Chapter 10: Move the Conversation Forward 97
Chapter 11: Think Strategically 105
Chapter 12: Cut Through the Clutter 112
Chapter 13: Take a Point of View 121
Chapter 14: Think Like Hollywood 125
Chapter 15: Learn to Think on Your Feet Under Pressure 135
Chapter 16: Engage Emotionally 146
Chapter 17: Master Modesty and Mind Your Manners 156
Chapter 18: Lighten Up Without Letting Down 165
Chapter 19: Commit to What You Communicate 171
Chapter 20: Keep Score 177
A Final Note 182
Endnotes………….……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….….179
Acknowledgements
Thanks to the team at Berrett Kohler for their vision and all their efforts along the way in shepherding this latest book through all the stages from idea to bookshelf to you: (I’ll drop in names and specifics later.)
Also, once again thanks to our Booher team of consultants who generate rave reviews like Rock Stars in the marketplace. They continually accept new client challenges, develop strategies, and deliver results that help us fine-tune best practices in the many facets of personal and organizational communication.
And no way would I want to tackle the next book or the next without Kari Gates for assistance with research and manuscript preparation, Polly Fuhrman for help in managing things while I’m preoccupied with writing, and Vernon Rae for meeting with clients when I’m on the road.
Finally, my gratitude goes to literally thousands of you as clients who have provided us the opportunity to work with you on the strategies in this book, hear your feedback, see the results, and feel the satisfaction of your success. A heartfelt thanks!
Dianna Booher
Introduction: The Greeks Got It Only one paragraph refers to the Greeks—is that enough to warrant putting “Greek” in the title?
Lydia told a different story from what I’d heard from the senior partner in her Washington D.C. law firm. “I feel as though I’m pushing against that proverbial glass ceiling,” she said. “I just don’t get the plum assignments. I put in the hours. On performance reviews, my director has given me the highest marks for attitude, legal competence, that sort of thing. But I’m just not getting the opportunities to network and deal with clients to bring in the business. Sure, I’m on the ‘team,’ but I’m never the lead counsel. That’s what you have to do to make partner—bring in the business. And if I don’t make partner in the next year or two, I’m out.”
She paused reflectively before concluding, “Most all the partners in the firm are male. Whether intentional or not, I really think there’s a bias there that’s keeping me from getting in front of clients. It just has to be the gender thing.”
It was not the gender thing.
I like opening the introduction with this story and the line above but you don’t say here or later in the introduction what your assessment of Lydia was. As the consultant, your observations would have been clearer, more insightful, etc. than the senior partner’s description.
Consider beginning the next paragraph with the senior partner’s description first (that ties to your first sentence in the introduction) followed by your observations of Lydia (even if you agreed with the senior partner), which will build on his comments and then tell us somewhere what happened with Lydia as you did with Jon below.
Two reasons: 1) I had already assessed much of the situation in the first five minutes of our coaching session. 2) The senior partner of the law firm had called a week earlier with his feedback on Lydia and his goals for our coaching session together.
The upshot of his call was this: “Lydia’s very competent legally. And she’s very willing to put in the hours. But to date, we’ve been hesitant to put her in front of our clients or in the courtroom. I can’t put my finger on what it is exactly, but she just lacks presence and polish. That’s what I’m hoping you can accomplish with her.”
He proceeded to describe several symptoms, including this particular comment that stands out in my memory: “Even the way she introduces herself when she and the team meet clients or prospects for the first time minimizes her experience and our expertise as a firm. I’ve tried to give her a few pointers myself, but she doesn’t take feedback well.”
In my first five minutes with Lydia, I saw...Maybe end the paragraph with, “It was Presence she lacked.”
On the other hand,Different than Lydia, Jon, CEO of a major aerospace defense contractor, profited handsomely from feedback from his VP of Communications, whose job it was to make her boss look good and communicate even better. You wrote that he “profited handsomely from feedback from his VP…”and then discuss your feedback to him that helped him. What was hers? At the end of one of our coaching sessions, Jon said to me, “Okay, so tell me how to dress. I’m an engineer and I don’t typically pay attention to that sort of thing. I’m divorced. Don’t have a wife to give me opinions anymore. But I know it’s important. And Kathryn told me I need to get your opinion on dress for my first all-hands meeting and my speech for the conference in Germany. Colors? Button jacket or leave it open?”
We worked on his opening, a personal anecdote, for the all-hands speech for almost two hours, because his goal was to set the tone for the new direction for the company and inspire confidence in his ability to chart that new course. The little thingsSeemingly small actions can have big impacts. can make a big difference. A little nit-picking: As a consultant to leaders of transformative change, I consider the opening of such a speech to be critically important. You were exactly right to spend time on it. But while I agree that little things can make a big difference (butterfly effect), his opening was not a “little thing” but a high impact action that only took a short time to deliver. For the next six months as I was in and out of the organization, other executives commented on Jon as if he’d become a rock star after his debut address. Jon had developed “Presence” and it had a huge impact—on him and on his company.
Presence is….this is a good place to put a concrete definition of “Presence.”
I bet you can come up with a powerful and concise definition if you think about how to encompass all you include in “Presence” and the impact “Presence” has on the person with “Presence” and on people impacted by the person with “Presence.”
After the definition, consider some general thoughts about “Presence” to set context.
For example: “Presence can help you get a job, date, make a sale, or lead a movement, revolution, or nation. Presence is real in all segments of society and all levels of the organization. It can be used for good or for evil. Presence can be used for shallow goals or noble purposes. Developing “Presence” consciously can help those with natural “presence” talents become great and those without the natural gifts improve themselves. Wherever you are, wherever you want to go, presence can help you get there.”
Maybe then tell the reader that “Presence” is a continuum that all of us fall on somewhere—from low “Presence” to high “Presence.” The one thing you have learned from your experience is that we can all continually get a little better every day in how we present ourselves if we do it with intention and mindfulness.
The “little” things. How do “the little things” connect to Presence?
Tell why “the little things” are important: because “little things” can have big impacts--even bigger impacts than “big things.” Chaos Theory teaches that little things can have big impacts and big things can have little (or no) impact (Sensitive Dependence on Initial Conditions). If we only knew what those Butterfly Effects were in advance instead of in hindsight, as is usually the case—if then. People often know the “big things.” We all want to know the little insights that can help us. But you know from experience and study what the little things are that have proven to have big impacts for others when it comes to “Presence.” Consider expanding a bit on the concept of Butterfly Effects and how the “little things” aren’t as random as they might appear and can really impact outcomes greatly (like flossing our teeth can prevent heart disease).
Some of the suggestions you make in this book might seem “little” but they can have a big impact on others and on the reader’s success.
Tie this paragraph to presence.The little thingsSmall changes can make a big difference from in landing a job, getting a promotion, winning a contract, to or leading an organization through change—as Jon, the new CEO, understood in successfully leading his organization to regain their position as industry leader. He won the hearts and minds of his organization with his first “state of the organization” speech to employees three months after assuming his office.
Personal presence may be hard to define, but we all know it when we see it.
I used the above sentence re leadership in my Ph.D. work and my advisor accused me of copping out by not defining leadership. I was really mad! But he made me think about how I would try to define it in the context of my work. See my comments above re defining “Presence.”
Someone walks into the room and people step aside. Heads turn. Conversation opens up to include them. When they speak, people listenapplaud or chime in. When they ask, people answer. When they lead, people follow. When they leave, things wind down.
Those with presence (People with presence are real, alive, and passionate) look like leaders, talk like leaders, think like leaders, and act like leaders. How do leaders look, talk, think, and act? Be careful to not have an idealized or stereotype picture of what a leader is. As I reflect back on leaders I’ve known, the really great ones exude authenticity: one caring, another thoughtful, another tough-love, and another wisdom. And that essence of who they are inside shows through because they are willing to be real and vulnerable and show what is uniquely them. Consider using a word different “leaders” after “look,” “talk,” “think,” and “act.” (Look sharp; talk clearly, think on your feet, and act like you own the place, for example) Their message is congruent: They’re in charge—of themselves, any situation, and results. “Their message is congruent: they are authentic.” No one, even the best leaders, is in charge of many situations or many results that matter. That’s why they have to engage with others and that’s where “Presence” helps. Today in leadership we emphasize that in a living system, no one is in total control of much besides their own choices. Leaders constantly: plan, do, reflect, and adapt.
But personal presence doesn’t just boil down to communication skills, suits, status symbols, and stature. Personal presence involves more––genuine character and relationship issues as well. So you definition of “Presence” is value-driven and would exclude the psychopaths and evil people who can make a strong impression and have many/most/all of your characteristics of “Presence.” How does a person discern between two people who have “Presence”—one is a person of character and the other a crook or just a run-of-the-mill con-artist, common in organizations?
Mother Teresa was as welcome and comfortable in the world’s boardrooms as the most articulate CEO, the best-dressed movie star, or high-earning sports celebrity. At just 5 feet tall, dressed in her traditional habit, with few earthly possessions to call her own, Mother Teresa had at least one secret that many other imitators lack. And unfortunately, this one—or its absence—takes a while to surface: character.
You wrote more about “character” (“The intellectual and moral texture into which all our life long we have been weaving up the inward life that is in us” (Oxford dictionary) at the end of the book (How You Act & Commit to What You Communicate). You might want to beef it up some in the introduction: make the point that in your use of the word “Presence” you are value-driven—character matters. You are not writing about or advising con-artists, charlatans, or evil people who can be charming and good at many of the things you write about, but lack the “goodness” that permeates real “presence.” And at points throughout the book refer to character as an element of “Presence” to remind the reader that “Presence” is not just presentation and manipulation for the sake of getting what you want—Presence is in service of who you are as a person.