Always Stay a Beginner Runner at Heart
Call yourself a "newbie" for as long as you can, and running will never get old
By Marc Parent;
My niece got a new puppy one day, a fluffy white ball of fur you could hold in one hand. She named him Snowball. It was winter and there was snow all around, and if you held the pup just right, a snowball was exactly what he looked like. The name was perfect. What happened next was the pup grew into a dog, and his fur turned ruddy, and his body grew whale-like, and when my niece chirped, "Here, Snowball!" the happy slobber-face that came lumbering around the corner resembled a snowball about as much as an old pickup truck does. Time changes all things but a name.
Nearly five years ago, I wrote about the first run of my life—a slow, impulsive trot in circles around a barn that left me nearly unable to walk the next day. I was a Snowball back then, and although I still feel like a Snowball today, especially when compared with marathon runners and streak runners and 7:30-pace runners, after years of hitting the pavement every other day or so, it's probably fair to ask just how much of a Snowball I really am.
For example, it's sunny and cool outside and there is an open bag of chocolate chips in the pantry and what I really want to do is go for a run. Back when I was Newbie in every way, I would have called a claim like that a load of Snowball crap. The idea that a psychologically stable person would choose a run in the sun over chocolate in a dark pantry just wasn't credible. As I think about it, what I really want to do right now is eat chocolate in the dark pantry and go for a run in the sun. But the die-hard Newbie would have said, Here's a brilliant idea no matter what you do in the pantry: Skip the run altogether.
That's the voice I've managed to ignore for almost five years. The only authority I have to talk about running lies in the fact that I hated it for years but I'm still doing it today. I'll tell you how. I'm not a disciplined person. I am not filled with deep thoughts that drive me out the door. I run on impulse and chance, the opposite of deep thought and discipline. When you think about something, you can usually find a reason not to do it. The more you think, the more reasons you find. The list gets long and a fool goes running—the longer the list, the bigger the fool.
These days when I think about whether or not I feel like running, or have the time to run, or if it's too cold or hot or wet to run, I stop thinking and just go. By the time I realize I don't want to do it and I don't have the time and it's raining, I'm already out the door. I've written before about how my first run ever was an abandon-all-reason run. The time between the idea and the actual run itself was under two minutes. But the truth is, every run after that one for the next several years was an abandon-all-reason run. Some of the runs I did last week were the same. Going from nonrunner to runner is nothing short of a complete transformation, and complete transformations are nearly impossible, if you really think about it. Actually, don't. Banish deep thoughts from your mind and do these things instead:
*Wear a track suit (or don't). Think uniform de rigueur of early '80s sitcom stars. Think primary colors and racing stripes over love handles. Think headband for extra points. Or you can skip it and run in almost anything you happen to be wearing. Running clothes are great but not if they keep you from getting out when they're sitting at the bottom of the dresser. I used to drive past a retired Marine who ran in khakis and a chip shirt. I wasn't a runner and I thought he looked ridiculous. I was probably wearing a track suit at the time. Easy question: Who would you rather be more like, an ex-Marine in khakis or a chubby driver in an apple-red jogging outfit?
*Recite "Boom-chaka-lacka-lacka boom-chaka-lacka-lacka boom." Lie there on the couch in a T-shirt and running shoes and say it like you mean it. You don't have to "feel" like going for a run. You don't have to "be strong" to get out there. You only have to lie there like a slob and chant this loudly. It's like a magic spell. Someone will walk into the room and literally throw you from the house, and when you land on the road, you might as well get a run in.
*Quit. They say new runners often quit, and that's fine as long as you quit often. In the first year of running, I quit loads of times. You can quit running every day if you want to. You should, actually. Do it right after the run when you're still tired and sweaty and disgusted—TSD, let's call it. Tell anyone who will listen how TSD running makes you, and how you're quitting. Rip off your shirt and throw it into the hamper and say something like, "This bites, I'm quitting!" Throw a little tantrum, break something, have some fun. Then do it again tomorrow.
*Compensate. This will almost feel like a deep thought, but it should be pretty easy as long as you're not a deadly attractive math-genius who can recite Shakespeare in a nice singing voice. Focus on something you haven't done right, some shortcoming, some gap in your understanding of the world, some triple cheeseburger, some mile-high pie, some third martini and cigarette. True failures are more than any one run can erase, but if you focus for a moment on a reliable personal deficit (let me introduce you to my reliable personal deficit!), the run will seem like your best chance out of it. Over time it probably is. There are no shortcomings during even the slowest, shortest runs. If you're out there on the road or trail, breathing slightly harder than you would be at the ice-cream-sundae bar, you're in a moment of personal perfection regardless of what you did or didn't do the day before.
*Avoid injury. Obvious, I know. This is like saying to live a long life, don't sleep in dark clothing in the middle of the road. Or to maintain good vision, stick nothing in your eyes. But it's harder than it seems. The problem with running injuries is two-fold sneaky. New runners who find trouble are ambushed by injury because they don't know what causes injury and they don't know the injury is happening until it's too late. I had read everything I could on the subject and then forgot it all and got good shoes and built speed and distance as if I were building a house of cards. If you're a person of average age and weight, you probably have enough stamina to run your body straight into the ground on your first run. But just because you have the ability to run, say, a mile on your first time out doesn't necessarily mean you ought to.
*Embrace your inner newbie. If you do this right, you'll be one forever. The day you stop calling yourself a newbie is the day you stop exploring. The running world is infinite, and there will always be something you haven't done. Look at that Dean Karnazes guy who ran across the whole United States. His first time ever! What a noob! What a greenhorn! What a...what a giant slobbering Snowball!
Nine Surprising Ways Running Helps Your Body
You know running is healthy, but do you know all the good it does?
By Kit Fox Published July 9, 2013 RUNNERS WORLD USA
GROWS CARTILAGE
Ignore the naysayers—running isn't necessarily bad for your knees. Research from Australia's Monash University suggests that the impact of running can increase cartilage production, which can safeguard your joints from arthritis.
SHARPENS HEARING
Research from Bellarmine University found that very fit women were six percent more likely to have better hearing than less-fit women. Exercise improves circulation to the ear, which provides a greater supply of nutrients to help preserve hearing.
SAVES YOUR SKIN
Rutgers researchers found that mice who drank caffeinated water and then ran had fewer skin-cancer tumors than rodents who either just got caffeine or just ran. The caffeine-exercise combo caused fewer damaged cells to develop.
BEATS MIGRAINES
Put down the painkillers. A study conducted at the University of Gothenburg in Sweden found that migraine sufferers experiences fewer head pounders when they worked out for 40 minutes three times a week over three months.
REGENERATES MUSCLE
Muscles mass declines over time—or does it? University of Illinois researchers found that exercise triggers a type of stem cell (mesenchymal stem cells) to spur other cells to generate new muscle. That process could prevent age-related muscle loss.
EASES ANXIETY
Feeling panicky about an upcoming work presentation? Go for a run. Researchers from Southern Methodist University near Dallas found that people had significantly milder reactions to stress if they engaged in regular intense aerobic exercise.
PREVENTS CANCER
Finnish researchers studied 2,560 middle-aged men over 17 years and found that the most active men were the least likely to die from cancer, especially in the gastrointestinal tract or lungs. The more intense the exercise, the better.
INCREASES BRAINPOWER
To see how exercise stacks up against other mental stimulants, University of Illinois researchers exposed mice to three types of brain boosters—savory foods, new toys, and exercise wheels. The wheel was the only tool that improved cognitive function.
STRENGTHENS BONES
Weight-bearing exercise increases bone density, which guards against fractures and osteoporosis, according to researchers from the University of Missouri. High-impact exercise, like running, appears to offer the greatest protective benefit.
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