A FORMULA OF EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION

Why are certain persons more successful than others in their personal lives and in their professional environment? Some are perhaps very successful at their homes, having good relationships with their spouses and children, but having many communication problems in their office: problems with bosses, but good relationships with co-workers or vice versa, good relationship with the bosses, but conflicts with other managers and subordinates. Others again are having good relationships at the office at the expense of their marriages and family life: too much time is being spent at the office and the family at home is being felt ignored and left behind.

The root cause of the problem is communication or to be more exact: effective communication. It is actually surprising that a lot of communication is going well most of the time. However, if a communication problem happens, the question: what went wrong? Usually remains an unanswered question. There are plenty of books, articles and websites dedicated to the problems of communication. Some give scientific evidence of communication barriers and obstacles, but leave finding practical solutions to the reader. More practically oriented recipes are difficult to implement due to lack of time and practice. For example the trait assertiveness: it has become common knowledge that it is important to be assertive in daily life. But how can one be assertive if he or she is introvert by nature? On top of personality (extrovert versus introvert), there is the issue of culture: people from certain countries are simply less extrovert than from other countries.

Martin Hahn says: “Wouldn’t is be extremely useful to have a simple formula of effective communication which can be used in all circumstances?” He thinks the following formula would be helpful:

EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION= SELF-INTEREST + INTEREST OF OTHERS – DISTURBING FACTORS
OR
EC = SI + IO – DF

Let’s look at the three elements of this formula.

Self-interest

When people communicate, self interest is probably the main reason for communication. One is far more interested in his or her own interest than in the interests of others. The above formula can actually be simplified even further by simply stating that communication is equal to self-interest. For this reason, communication is rarely effective because one is not trying to find a common ground in interaction processes but merely seeking a way to fulfill certain short-term interests. The most important problem in communication is probably asymmetry. The two parties in question are having different agendas and different interests which is further complicated by asymmetries of, knowledge, power and authority. For this reason, negotiation skills and tactics have become a very important trait of modern civilization. In the old days, physical strength was the determining factor to force the other party to compromise. Thanks to civilization, consensus can now be reached by communication. This civilizing process is basically a shift from a “command and control” communication culture to a “negotiating and persuasion” culture.

Interest of Others

The interest of others has probably been the most important issue in many textbooks about effective communication. The ability to listen, to get and give feedback, to control anger (“anger management”), conflict resolution, stress management, etc., have been discussed in great lengths by many authors, scholars, management trainers, etc.

The problem is accommodating the interests of others have become more important with the introduction of information technology and the ability to trade goods and services in cyberspace. True globalization has probably already occurred in cyberspace where a global 24 hour economy has been created where everybody is exchanging goods, services and information all over the world.

Everybody has become a customer! It is important to look at the needs of others as your customer. This marketing concept was first used in transactional settings, but was introduced in learning organizations and now has become an important concept in all corners of life.

The issue of discovering the interests of others has even been infiltrated by non-scientific ‘tools’ like astrology, numerology and tarot cards. Before the discovery of these tools, one was still utilizing (and still is utilizing) many scientific tools offered by psychologists ranging from psychoanalysis, conversation analysis, transactional analysis and the sort resulting in various therapies which might be effective depending on the willingness of the buyer to take it seriously or not.

How can one discover the interests of others? This requires a proactive approach from both parties. Two strategies might be helpful. The first strategy is called the PAIR approval strategy: Placate (listen, empathize, respond with concern); Attend (to the other); Investigate (circumstances details of issue); Resolve (decide on action to take). The second strategy is called the five-step method: listen, respond, decide on action, take action and follow up.

Disturbing Factors

The third element of effective communication is probably the most difficult one: how to eliminate disturbing factors or how to overcome communication barriers. There are basically six types of barriers between people communicating with each other: differences in perception, incorrect filtering, language problems, poor listening, differing emotional states, and differing backgrounds.:

1. Differences in perception

The world constantly bombards us with information: sights, sounds, scents, and so on. Our minds organize this stream of sensation into a mental map that represents our perception or reality. In no case is the perception of a certain person the same as the world itself, and no two maps are identical. As we view the world, our mind absorbs our experiences in a unique and personal way. Because our perceptions are unique, the ideas we want to express differ from other people’s. Even when two people have experienced the same event, their mental images of that event will not be identical. As senders, we choose the details that seem important and focus our attention on the most relevant and general, a process known as selective perception.

As receivers, we try to fit new details into our existing pattern. If a detail doesn’t quite fit, we are inclined to distort the information rather than rearrange the pattern.

When giving or receiving feedback, it’s essential to remember that what people are experiencing does not necessarily make it true that it happened in that way. Perceptions are very important data – but not necessarily reality.

Our perceptions are influenced by:

a)physical elements -- what information your eye or ear can actually take in, how your brain processes it.

b)environmental elements -- what information is out there to receive, its context.

c)learned elements -- culture, personality, habit: what filters we use to select what we take in and how we react to it.

For example, color blind people will not perceive "red" the way as other people do. Those with normal vision may physically see "red" similarly, but will interpret it culturally:

red meaning "stop" or "anger" or "excitement" or "in debt" (US)

red meaning "good fortune" (China)

red meaning your school's colors

2. Incorrect filtering

Filtering is screening out before a message is passed on to someone else. In business, the filters between we and our receiver are many; secretaries, assistants, receptionists, answering machines, etc. Those same gatekeepers may also ‘translate’ our receiver’s ideas and responses before passing them on to you. To overcome filtering barriers, try to establish more than one communication channel, eliminate as many intermediaries as possible, and decrease distortion by condensing message information to the bare essentials.

3. Language problems

When we choose the words for our message, we signal that we are a member of a particular culture or subculture and that we know the code. The nature of our code imposes its own barriers on our message. Barriers also exist because words can be interpreted in more than one way. Language is an arbitrary code that depends on shared definitions, but there’s a limit to how completely any of us share the same meaning for a given word. To overcome language barriers, use the most specific and accurate words possible. Always try to use words our audience will understand. Increase the accuracy of our messages by using language that describes rather than evaluates and by presenting observable facts, events, and circumstances.

4. Poor listening

Perhaps the most common barrier to reception is simply a lack of attention on the receiver’s part. We all let our minds wander now and then, regardless of how hard we try to concentrate. People are essentially likely to drift off when they are forced to listen to information that is difficult to understand or that has little direct bearing on their own lives. Too few of us simply do not listen well! To overcome barriers, paraphrase what we have understood, try to view the situation through the eyes of other speakers and resist jumping to conclusions. Clarify meaning by asking non-threatening questions, and listen without interrupting.

5. Differing emotional states

Every message contains both a content meaning, which deals with the subject of the message, and a relationship meaning, which suggests the nature of the interaction between sender and receiver. Communication can break down when the receiver reacts negatively to either of these meanings. We may have to deal with people when they are upset or when we are. An upset person tends to ignore or distort what the other person is saying and is often unable to present feelings and ideas effectively. This is not to say that we should avoid all communication when we are emotionally involved, but we should be alert to the greater potential for misunderstanding that accompanies aroused emotions. To overcome emotional barriers, be aware of the feelings that arise in our self and in others as we communicate, and attempt to control them. Most important, be alert to the greater potential for misunderstanding that accompanies emotional messages.

6. Differing backgrounds

Differences in background can be one of the hardest communication barriers to overcome. Age, education, gender, social status, economic position, cultural background, temperament, health, beauty, popularity, religion, political belief, even a passing mood can all separate one person from another and make understanding difficult. To overcome the barriers associated with differing backgrounds, avoid projecting our own background or culture onto others. Clarify our own and understand the background of others, spheres of knowledge, personalities and perceptions and don’t assume that certain behaviors mean the same thing to everyone.

In order to overcome these barriers, one must be willing to avoid selective perception, condense messages to the bare essentials, use specific and accurate words possible, always verify our interpretation of what’s been said, be aware of the feelings that arise in ourselves and in others as we communicate, and attempt to control them.

Communication barriers also exist within organizations. Although all communication is subject to misunderstandings, business communication is particularly difficult. Barriers can be caused by: information overload, message complexity, message competition, differing status, lack of trust, inadequate communication structures, incorrect choice of medium, closed communication climate, unethical communication, inefficient communication, and physical distractions.

There are three distinct moments which can cause many communication barriers in organizations; during negotiations, when dealing with customers, and holding meetings. When we are negotiating, psychological barriers may arise. These psychological barriers may be ours or may belong to the other party. Be aware that people carry some of these barriers and ‘listen’ for their effects. Look for signs of them in the other party (and in yourself) and use your communication skills to ease or lower these barriers. Dealing with customers, in turn, can be very hard because some customers are hard to please and difficult situations can arise. If a high level of service is not provided, the result will not only be loss of business, but often an increase in the number of difficult and even abusive customers. They have not yet been lost. Deal with them professionally.

The negotiating process, finally, demonstrates a fundamental tension between the claiming and creating of value. Value claimers view negotiations purely as an adversarial process. Each side stride tries to claim as much of a limited pie as possible by giving the other side as little as possible. Each party claims value through the use of manipulative tactics, forcible arguments, limited concessions, and hard bargaining. Value creators, in contrast, call for a process which results in joint gains to each party. They try to create additional benefits for each side in the negotiations. They emphasize shared interests, developing a collaborative relationship, and negotiating in a pleasant and cooperative manner.

GIVING CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK

For feedback to be most useful, it must be presented in such a way that the receiver does not feel threatened or attacked by the information. Listed below are some guidelines for giving constructive feedback:

Direct feedback toward behavior one can do something about, not the person.

Information about what a person does helps that person make choices about that behavior. On other hand, assessments about a person’s "personality traits" or "personal qualities" usually increase their defensiveness. (E.g., “You arrived ten minutes late” vs. “You’re irresponsible.”)

Take the needs of the receiver into account first.

Focus the feedback on the value and usefulness it may provide to the receiver rather than the "release" it provides the giver, i.e., you.

Make use of “I” Statements

Make use of “I” Statements to let the receiver know how youperceive, experience or feel about the behavior. Avoid “we” or “most people” statements. By saying, “I get upset when you…,” you help promote a productive dialogue. No one can dispute that that’s how you feel! Whereas saying “You make me upset” is more likely to lead to an argument and less communication.

Focus on what was said and done (actions) rather than why it was said or done (motives).

Feedback that relates to what, how, when, and where is based on observable events; while opinions or judgments about the other's motive or intent relates to interpretations and conclusions drawn from what was observed.

Make feedback descriptive rather than evaluative and judgmental.

By giving an objective description of what occurred and your reactions to the situation, you leave the receiver free to use the feedback as he/she sees appropriate. Being judgmental entails a subjectiveevaluation of the other based on your personal values.

Make feedback specific rather than general and abstract.

Feedback is generally more useful if it can be tied to a specific time, place and action. It is far more useful to say, “I noticed that you broke in twice while I was speaking during the meeting” than “You are always interrupting people.” Give examples.

Share information rather than give advice.

To give advice takes away a person's freedom of choice as well as responsibility for future actions.

Be sensitive to timing and selection.

It is important that the giver of feedback be sensitive to both when it is appropriate to give feedback and how much to give the receiver. The receiver needs to be ready to hear and deal with the data. Only give an amount a person can use.

Check whether the receiver understood your feedback.

One way of doing this is to ask the receiver to rephrase the feedback to see if it corresponds to what the sender had in mind.

Request what you’d like them to do differently.

Your request let’s them know exactly what you are asking them to do. They are free to accept, decline, or counter-propose. You can’t change them, but by asking you help them see what you think they could do to help the organization.

WHAT ARE EFFECTIVE RESPONSES FOR HEALTY COMMUNICATION?

Effective responses for healthy communication are those perceived as being empathetic, caring, warm, and thoughtful. The eight responses listed 1 through 8 are in the order of most effective to least effective. Remember, however, that each of these responses could be effective depending on the context in which it was used.

1. Understanding

An understanding response is most likely to create a climate where honest, frank communication can occur. It is a feelings–oriented response which conveys sensitivity and understanding. Strong negative feelings can become a barrier to communication; this response can diminish those feelings. Understanding is empathy, i.e., accurately tuning in to what the other person is feeling at the time. It implies listening beyond the words and reflecting the feelings.

Understanding Response Examples:

  • You're feeling discouraged and wonder what's the use.
  • You're offended and angry.
  • You're excited over your new assignment.
  • You seem pleased to have been selected.

By focusing on others' feelings you are recognizing them as individuals, persons worthy of your concern. This type of response can reduce hostile feelings in normal persons. It can also be used with persons when they are over–emotional, crying, fearful, etc., to get beyond those feelings, or reactions. Understanding or empathy can repair a damaged relationship.