Focus Lesson Planning Sheet

Focus Lesson Topic / Bringing Forth the Internal Story – Grades 4-5
(Adapted from Calkins and Kesler, 2006)

Materials

/ Red sweater scene from “Eleven” by Sandra Cisneros on chart paper, student sample of revising to bring out internal story (see Resources for Teaching Writing CD-Rom or Raising the Quality of Narrative Writing manual for samples), Qualities of Good Personal Narrative Writing anchor chart

Connection

/ Yesterday we learned how good writers tell their stories from the narrator’s point of view. I have also been talking with many of you about the importance of focusing your stories. Some of you seem worried that if you focus your story it will be too short and not very interesting. Today I want to teach you that stories are not just about what happens, but also about how the characters respond to what happens. If you tell your stories like this, they will be rich and full of interesting details.
Explicit Instruction / Good writers know that only part of the story is what happens to the main character – we call this the external story. The rest of the story is about the character’s internal life – what a character thinks and feels. Sometimes nothing very exciting happens in the external story – maybe it is just a story about going to the sports store to buy a new baseball glove, but the internal story can be a roller coaster ride that carries the character from excitement to disappointment to hope.
Sometimes when I am writing I pause in the middle of a draft to reread my writing. Then I ask myself, “Am I telling the internal story as well as the external story?” If my answer is no, I set a goal for myself. I say, “Today I want to be sure to tell the internal story.” Then I go back to my draft and find places where I could add details about my internal thoughts and feelings.
Note: At this point in the lesson, the teacher may want to either model the process of adding the internal story with his/her own writing or study “Eleven” or other mentor text. A possible approach for using a mentor text is outlined below.
Sometimes I like to study mentor texts to find out how other writers tell the story of what they were thinking and feeling. Watch me as I study what Sandra Cisneros did in her story “Eleven.” [Display red sweater excerpt from “Eleven.”] Hmm…I notice that Cisneros seems to move back and forth between writing about what happens and writing about what Rachel is thinking. For example, when Cisneros says “I move the red sweater to the corner of my desk with my ruler. I move my pencil and books and eraser as far away from it as possible. I even move my chair a little to the right,” that tells me what Rachel is doing – the external story. But here, when Cisneros writes “Not mine, not mine, not mine,” the author is showing me what Rachel is thinking – part of the internal story.
Good writers, like Sandra Cisneros, always try to balance both the external and internal story to really tell a rich and interesting story.
Guided Practice / Let’s try looking for the external and internal story with partners. Here is a story written by a student. [Distribute copies to students.] Listen as I read this story. Now turn and talk to your partner about places where this student has included the external story – what happened, and places where s/he has written the internal story – his/her thoughts and feelings.
[Allow a few minutes for partners to study and talk about student sample. Call students back together to share their findings.]
Send Off [for Independent Practice] / I want you to always remember that stories are about more than just what happens to a character. Memorable stories are also about how the character reacts and what he or she thinks and feels. Good writers try to include both the external story and the internal story in their writing. I will add this important point to our Qualities of Good Personal Narrative Writing anchor chart.
Today you may decide to spend some time rereading your draft. As you reread, notice the internal story. Have you included both the internal and external story? Are there places that you need to revise and tell more of the internal story to make your writing the best it can be?
Group Share / For today’s group share, the teacher may wish to have students meet with their writing partners to share their writing before and after adding the internal story.