Abuse Prevention Emphasis Day 2009
Resource Packet
Family Violence: A Challenge for the Church
Written by
Dr. Gloria Trotman
Pastor Jansen Trotman
Inter-American Division
Prepared by the General Conference
Abuse Prevention Emphasis Day Committee
Adventist Chaplaincy Ministries
Adventist Review
Children’s Ministries
Education Department
Family Ministries
Health Ministries
Ministerial Association
Women’s Ministries
Youth Ministries
April 2009
Dear Leaders:
Joyful greetings. This year we are sending two packets to you for Abuse Prevention Emphasis Day. This packet focuses on domestic violence. It is an excellent packet for use in churches that are keeping this day for the first time. It will give them introductory information to the issue of abuse, specifically domestic violence.
We are encouraging you to promote this packet to churches who have not kept this day in the past. We need every church, every Seventh-day Adventist man, woman, and child to know about this issue and to become involved in doing something about it.
No longer can we say we love each other and then sit idly by while women, children, and even men are abused – physically, psychologically, sexually or spiritually. God has given us a mandate to love each other. Matthew 25:40 Jesus tells us that “…whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.”
Helping the hurting is helping Jesus. Touching the lives of those in pain is touching Jesus. Speaking words of love and kindness, or words against abuse, is speaking for Jesus. So join us as we acknowledge this Abuse Prevention Emphasis Day. Join us as we reach out to the world in the way that Jesus did.
E. G. White reminds us in Ministry of Healing pg 143 that if we are to win others to Jesus then we need to use His method.
“Christ's method alone will give true success in reaching the people. The Savior mingled with men as one who desired their good. He showed His sympathy for them, ministered to their needs, and won their confidence. Then He bade them, ‘Follow Me.’”
Thank you.
With love and joy,
Heather-Dawn Small
GC Women’s Ministries Director.
Table of Contents
Sermon for Divine Hour 4
Suggested Pledge Card 10
Presenter’s Notes 11
Why Battered Women Stay with Their Batterers 13
What a Woman Can Do if She Decides to Stay 16
Additional Information 18
SERMON FOR DIVINE HOUR
FAMILY VIOLENCE: A CHALLENGE FOR THE CHURCH
Pastor Jansen Trotman and Dr. Gloria Trotman
Inter-American Division of Seventh-day Adventists
SCRIPTURE READING: Luke 4:18, 19; Proverbs 31: 8, 9
I. INTRODUCTION
Soon after sin entered the world, we read this description of Noah’s day: “The earth also was corrupt before God, and the earth was filled with violence.” Gen. 6:11. Sin produces violence, and the displeasure of the Creator rests upon the violent. God reacted to Noah’s violent generation with the cataclysmic flood. What is especially sad and disturbing is that the centuries after the flood have not seen the abatement of violence, but in fact, an increase.
The earth today is filled with violence. This presents a real challenge for Church members who are God’s ambassadors and mouthpieces. Not only should the followers of Christ shun all forms of violence themselves, but they should also speak out against it, and help the hurting. “But if the watchman see the sword come, and blow not the trumpet, and the people be not warned; if the sword comes, and take any person from among them, he is taken in his iniquity; but his blood will I require at the watchman’s hand. So, thou, O son of man, I have set thee a watchman unto the house of Israel; therefore thou shalt hear the word at my mouth and warn them from me.”
Ezekiel 33: 6 – 7. Our challenge today is to warn everyone about the evils of intimate violence.
II. Abuse has many faces.
Many forms of abuse abound; but no form is acceptable. No form should be tolerated. Every church member should be an advocate for victims of abuse. Proverbs tells us, “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves.” Proverbs 31:8, NIV. There are many forms of abuse including the following:
A. Domestic or intimate violence. This is usually directed against women. In many countries, the percentages exceed 25% of women between ages 18 and 65 who have been victims. Look around your congregation and it is likely that 1 in 4 women you see has experienced domestic violence. The National Center for Victims of Crimes defines domestic violence as “the willful intimidation, assault, battery, sexual assault, or other abusive behavior perpetrated by one family member, household member or intimate partner against another,” (Brown, Sandra, 2007, Counseling Victims of Violence, p. 114).
B. Elder Abuse. Many adult children and caregivers see the elderly as a burden and are often abusive to them verbally or physically. This form of abuse is greatly underreported. As the life expectancy in many places increases, the numbers of abused elderly persons also increase.
C. Child Abuse. This is probably the most widely recognized form of abuse. The silent cries of millions of children rise up to the throne of Jehovah. He who once rebuked His disciples for their lack of concern for the children must now weep at His church’s inaction in the face of this dreadful worldwide tragedy. The atrocities that children suffer can fill several pages, and include neglect, physical abandonment, emotional abandonment, neglect of child safety, failure to provide adequate food, clothing, or cleanliness, when it is within the power of the caregiver to do so; isolation, deprivation of love, security or education, physical abuse in all forms and sexual abuse including incest.
III. What Can the Church Do?
In one congregation, the church elder was an abuser. He repeatedly abused his wife physically. When she could not endure it any longer, she went to the church pastor to seek help. As she described her victimization to him, the pastor said to her, “Your husband is such a good man. You must have done something to deserve this treatment.” The unfortunate woman became suicidal. This insensitive pastor reflects the attitude of many.
Abuse is NEVER deserved. Abuse is NEVER TO BE EXCUSED. Abuse is NEVER to be tolerated. Ancient Israel placed six cities of refuge under the care of the Levites. They were cities of safety —cities of protection. Today, God’s church ought to be a city of refuge for hurting people. It is through His church that God fulfills Himself as “our Refuge and Strength.” Psalm 46: 1, 7; 59:16; 91:2; Proverbs 14:26.
We are God’s eyes, ears and hands. What can we do?
A. Advocacy. Speak up for the victims. Feel their pain and become their champion and face the Goliath of abuse. Seize every opportunity that presents itself to speak out against abuse inside the church, or in society.
B. Education. The SDA Church must lead out in initiating programs on family violence for all of its members. This should be done from our pulpits through the various departments, and in special seminars. Classes and seminars should be offered for victims of abuse as well as to the children and parents, teaching them how to protect themselves from abusers and predators, and also how to recognize them.
C. Protection. Rigid screening of persons who work with children should take place. Risk Management has prepared guidelines to assist churches in this process. Every church should have protective policies in place to guard the children, our most vulnerable group.
Any known incidents of child abuse should be reported to the proper legal authority. Places of safety should be provided for victims who are fleeing abusive situations. These may be specially prepared facilities or selected homes of trusted members.
D. Counseling. The after-effects of abuse are so devastating that victims
will usually need professional help in order to move on with their lives. Since most churches cannot afford to retain professional counselors on their staff, they ought to network with the social agencies and Christian professional counselors in the community. These, of course, should be properly screened before the church makes referrals to them.
E. A place of hope, help and healing. To victims, the church should be a place of hope, help and healing. In the ministry of Jesus we see this attitude. A woman, whom we will call Hannah, had been a victim of sexual abuse. (See John 8). It may even have begun in her childhood. Unfortunately, when Hannah turned to the church in hope of help and healing, she got more abuse instead.
Instead of offering compassion and restoration, the church leaders set her up in order to trap Jesus. “We caught her in the very act of adultery,” they told Jesus. “What is your recommendation in the light of Moses’ command to stone to death such a person?”
SILENCE! Every ear was cocked to hear what Jesus had to say. Since she was caught in the very act, how is it that her male partner was not also brought before Jesus? HYPOCRITES!
Jesus did not speak. He began to write in the dirt. We do not know what He wrote. Possibly, He wrote the places and dates of the sins of the accusers; for one by one, they disappeared from the crowd. Then Jesus stood alone with the trembling victim. “Where are your accusers?” He asked.
“They have all gone,” she responded.
Jesus, instead of blaming the victim, offered her hope, forgiveness and healing. This is the ministry of the church.
CONCLUSION
The role of the church is that of sympathizer, supporter, helper and healer of the abused. Like Jesus our Master we are “to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives . . . to set at liberty them that are bruised.” Luke 4:18 – 19.
Let us today commit ourselves to finding ways we can help the victims of abuse in your own community. If this is your desire, please sign the simple pledge card that is in your hand, then stand for our prayer of commitment. This card will be a reminder of your promise to God. Perhaps you will want to keep it safely in your wallet.
Please stand for our prayer of commitment.
PRAYER OF CONSECRATION AND COMMITMENT
Suggested Pledge Card
The following is the text for the wallet size pledge card:
MY PLEDGE
Loving the Lord, Jesus, I pledge to carry on His loving ministry to the victims of abuse in church and the community. I will “speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves.” Proverbs 31:8
I will not be an abuser and I will not accept abuse.
Signed ______Date______
PRESENTER’S NOTES ON “DEALING WITH ABUSE” POWER POINT
Definition of domestic violence/abuse
Domestic violence and abuse, (also called intimate partner violence) takes place when one person deliberately causes physical or mental harm to another. This includes physical or psychological abuse, sexual assault, isolation, or control of a victim’s money, home, etc.
The World Health Organization defines abuse as all forms of physical and /or emotional ill treatment, sexual abuse, negligent treatment or commercial or other exploitation, resulting in actual or potential harm to a person or persons.
Physical abuse involves aggressive behavior towards the victim’s body: pushing, pinching, spitting, kicking, biting, pulling hair, punching, choking, burning, clubbing, stabbing, limb twisting, and confining; throwing acid, boiling water, throwing objects, etc.
Psychological abuse (emotional) includes, among other things consistent and harsh criticism, degrading, belittling, and disparaging name-calling. It can also include verbal threats, episodes of rage, etc.
Sexual abuse refers to inappropriate touching, fondling, and verbal remarks; incest, molestation, rape, oral/genital contact or the fondling of breasts or genitals; insisting that the victim touch the perpetrator’s body.
Physical Elder abuse
Physical elder abuse is non-accidental use of force against an elderly person that results in physical pain, injury, or impairment. Such abuse includes not only physical assaults such as hitting or shoving, but the inappropriate use of drugs, restraints, confinement, ignoring the elderly person, isolating an elder from friends or activities, terrorizing or menacing the elderly person. It also includes neglect or abandonment by caregivers. Another manifestation of elder abuse is financial exploitation. This involves unauthorized use of an elderly person’s funds or property, either by a caregiver or an outside scam artist.
Child Abuse
The same areas mentioned (physical, sexual, psychological) pertain to children. It is always helpful to teach our children to TELL, TELL. SAY A LOUD “NO.” Parents need to teach the children what is appropriate touching. Teach them the names of their private parts. Believe the child who says that he or she has been touched inappropriately. Children very rarely make up stories on these themes. Yelling, hitting, pinching, pushing on, ignoring the child are also examples of child abuse.
• In 2002, 53,000 children died as a result of homicide worldwide (DOHHS, 2005)
• 1,460 children died in the U. S. as a result of abuse or neglect
• Three-quarters of these children were under the age of 4 in USA
• 77% of all childhood deaths were caused by one or both parents. (2005)