Graffiti Wall Messages from Annual Conference 2013
Question: Is there a programme starting in primary school to let childrenand young people know what is appropriate andnon appropriate sexual behaviour from an adult or their peers (right and wrong)
I have written guidance for nursery and primary schools about sexual behaviours, which is being piloted by a south Wales authority in conjunction with the national charity Stop it Now. This has involved training for teachers and allied staff in the identification of appropriate, problematic and harmful sexual behaviour; helping staff respond to sexual behaviours and advice on integrating staying safe messages in the curriculum and whole school environment. Stop it Now has initiated workshops with parents in order to enhance understanding of children’s sexual behaviour and help promote a public prevention approach. Similar work has been undertaken by Stop it Now with another London authority utilising a programme developed in Italy called the Hedgehog programme. I am not aware of any programmes in Barking and Dagenham but will direct your question to the Local Safeguarding Board. I have also provided a resource list for schools on relevant materials for use with children to the training section of the local safeguarding board and will ask they put this on their web page.
Question - Preventative work/support for schools and clubs etc... What can we do?
The following agencies might be able to assist you with this.
- Stop it Now ( national service
- Parents Protect ( national service
- Step up ( local service
I have also provided the Local Safeguarding Board Training Officer with a booklist of resources for schools which could assist with this, which I hope they will put on the web page
Question - Why do people choose to abuse babies? I can't understand where the motivation comes from?
The motivation to sexually abuse is a complex issue and is influenced by the abusers schema, core beliefs and values about such matters. Colleagues of mine who have worked with males who have abused babies have found that they can have a variety of motivations. Some have been sexual motives, selecting young children as they will not be able to tell. Some have had no concept of the nature of harm because and thought they could do what he wanted to get what they wanted. Other motivations have been anger and revenge aimed at a partner for a variety of reasons. Often sexual abuse is motivated by other emotions and is not a result of wanting sex with a child or baby. People who do not abuse children will find it difficult to understand these motivations and rightly so. Often people who abuse have not learned to deal with emotions such as anger, resentment, rejection etc in appropriate ways.
Question - Are some young people not receiving the love and affection they deserve purely because adults are afraid of displaying physical affection in fear of other people perceptions and interpretations of their actions?
Clearly we do not want to see children deprived of the positive aspects of nurture, affection and physical comfort. Touch and physical nurture is a vital part of a child’s development. Those working to protect and safeguard children do not want to see a ‘no touch’ world but want to enhance the knowledge and skills of parents, other adults and children to help children stay safe. However we have come to understand that children are more likely to be sexually abused by people they know than by strangers and it is important that parents, carers and other adults are equipped with information to help them protect their children. This includes understanding abuser behaviour, how and why people sexually abuse children, the barriers to identifying such behaviour and the positive actions they can take to prevent child sexual abuse. National organisations such as Stop it Now ( and Parents Protect ( have developed public education sessions and website information for parents, carers and other adults to raise their awareness and develop such skills. In my view this can be helped by the development of age-appropriate work in schools to enhance their understanding of good and bad touch in a way that does not scare children but which helps them understand bad touch experiences and what they can do about it. Remember – sexual offenders rely on secrecy and failing to address these issues in our communities risk promoting an environment in which abusers can continue to harm children.
Question - Would you consider a child watching pornographic material on TV with the father a sign of child abuse grooming?
It could be. Offenders often use pornography as a way to disinhibit a child and make sex with them acceptable. For example it invites the child into the adult world of sex and might make them feel important and grown up. Often a sex offender will have already asked a child to keep other secrets and so sex is simply a further secret that the child is involved in. Besides stimulating the perpetrator, pornography facilitates child molestation in several ways. For example, sex offenders use pornographic photos to demonstrate to their victims what they want them to do. They also use them to arouse a child or to lower a child's inhibitions and communicate to the unsuspecting child that a particular sexual activity is okay: "This person is enjoying it; so will you." However, it could also be a sign of a parent displaying inappropriate boundaries of what is acceptable and unacceptable for a child to watch and a failure to understand child development. For example a colleague of mine heard a parent state that the child “did not know what was going on”, implying in the interview that they were not showing the child pornography to be sexual with the child. However there is significant concern about the impact of the sexual imagery upon children and the possible sexualisation that can occur and many practitioners are of the view that exposing children to a sexual materials and a sexualised atmosphere constitutes a form of neglect and abuse.
Question - If a non offending parent admits that they knew about the abuse what would happen to them and their children?
As discussed during the presentation there is a ‘spectrum of knowing’ from not being aware through to being an offender or co-offender. We must avoid the assumption that partners must know – many, if not most do not. Some non-abusing parents have what is perceived as the perfect child protection response: remove the offender and totally and consistently believe and support the child. However, not all parents respond this way; there is often more ambivalence. They may believe everything one day and none the next; they may believe some of it but not all of it. In child protection terms, any form of denial can be perceived by professionals as a worrying response that may reinforce a long term view of her as unsafe parent who is unable or unwilling to protect. However, denial must be put in context. For many women, the consequences of totally believing all of the allegations and the true extent of the abuse can have dire potential consequences and many authors (Still, Levenson & Morin, Strand) consider denial to be a natural human response.
It is crucial that we understand the response of the non-offending partner in the context of offenders. As discussed during the presentation the offender must overcome any obstacles in his path, including anyone who may guess what he is doing (which is often the child’s mother). For his own protection the offender is likely to manipulate the situation to ensure that, if the child does tell, he or she will not be heard, or believed, or the information be acted on. Offenders commonly tell us that the person they believe the child is most likely to tell is their mother. Therefore they cannot allow mother and child to remain close because that would increase the risk of the child’s disclosure. We should therefore not be surprised if the non-offending partner becomes distanced from the child:
The key issue will be to determine ‘how did the offender achieve that?’ and what type of offender or offending patterns was she on the receiving end of? Understanding the type of abuse patterns used does not minimise a non-offending partner’s failure to protect or a partner’s inability to recognise the offender’s behaviour. However, it does provide a foundation for a greater partnership between such women and professionals. Any work with the non-offending partner needs to focus on ‘How did he do that to me’ and for child protection agencies it becomes ‘How did he do it to her?’ This would again depend on the precise nature of his grooming tactics and style. The key question is whether the non-offending partner can be protective in the future with some work and support?
The specific response of professionals to the non-offending partner and what actions are taken in the short and medium term will vary from case to case and depends upon the circumstances of the case and the risk factors assessed as present at the time – for example if the non-offending partner was subject to domestic violence or depending on the types of grooming patterns used by the offender. It also depends upon the knowledge and experience of the workers involved. Positively Barking and Dagenham have commissioned training for relevant professionals on the dynamics of sexual abuse and the impact on children and the non-offending partner (the conference was part of this response) which aims to enhance professionals knowledge of sexual abuse issues and help improve the assessment and intervention with non-offending partners to enable children to stay living with a protective parent.
I am aware of a local agency called Step Up ( that works with children and their parents to help them through these difficult issues. They were at the conference and gave out some very good leaflets. They would be a good source of contact for non-offending partners to discuss their worries and fears. Alternatively Stop it Now ( has a website to help parents and also runs a confidential helpline (freephone 08001000900) which could be a way for a non-offending partner to discuss their concerns, ask questions and seek advice about what they could do next to protect their child and access appropriate support.
What age roughly should you tell your child about sex offenders?
Children should be spoken to about dangers in the world on an ongoing and age appropriate basis. The specific age should be a decision for each parent to make but it is my view that a gradual approach should be adopted to teaching children about the dangers in the world. Many authors suggest introducing such themes via generalised teaching and discussions about safety. Dangers from cars, electricity, bullies are introduced to children at very early ages by parents, as are discussions about not bullying your brother or sister, not hitting people and keeping clothes on in private areas. It is in this context that teaching can begin about good and bad touch, privacy, and telling parents if they feel confused, scared or uncomfortable. There is an excellent range of books for children, which address sexual behaviour and sexual abuse issues in a very sensitive and pragmatic way for children and reading a book is an easier way for parents and teachers to address the issue with children. I have supplied a reading list to the local Safeguarding Board Training department which they might put on their web page. I suggest you have a look and then investigate their content on book sites before purchasing one or two of them.
Question - What is your view on sex offenders (convicted) returning to the family home?
Every situation is unique and should be dependent upon the specific circumstances of the case. Some sex offenders do return to the family home as their risk may not be to family members. Professional view is about risk is a contextual one, by which I mean it depends on the unique circumstances of the family. Commonly the conditions under which unsupervised contact or family re-unification occurs in the UK is when theabuser is assessed as low risk; where the victim is usually not child in the family; where contact is in best interest of the child; the child wants relationship with the offender; and where the non-abusing partner accepts there is a risk and is assessed as being able to reasonably protect children.. Many professionals will insist that reunification can only happen if the offender has successfully completed a treatment programme; where the non-offending partner has completed a non-offending partners programme; where a child has received some educational input about abuse and possibly therapy and where further family work has taken place which includes the offender acknowledging the abuse that has taken place and where a family safety plan has been constructed with input from all family members. Needles to say fulfilling all these conditions is not easy. Even where they are met, professionals might oppose rehabilitation.
Question - Offenders joining family. How can we support the children and family?
I refer to the answer I have given above. In my opinion it is important that in cases where a sex offender joins a family a proper assessment of need and risk needs to be undertaken. This will hopefully identify the nature of the concerns, the level of risk to children in the family and what work if any needs to be done. Whilst not all professionals agree, in my view, where there has been confirmation of past abuse and where there are concerns about ongoing or future risk, all children in the family will need to know about the past or current concerns about sexual risk and sexual offending. Many families are resistant to this. Sometimes this resistance is a sign of the success of the offender’s grooming of the family. Sometimes it is an understandable anxiety about exposing children to such delicate and potentially upsetting material. However sexual abuse thrives on secrecy and it is crucial that all children in a household are aware of the concerns and what they need to look for, what the safety rules are in the family and what to do if they experience inappropriate or abusive behaviours. This requires assessment and possibly intervention work with the offender; non-offending partner on the offenders offending patterns, what to look for and on protective parenting; assessment and intervention work with the children; family work and constructing of a Family Safety Plan. The work with the non-offending partner and child must include educational work on what constitutes abuse; how abuse happens and protective behaviours work. When faced with this prospect some offenders and partners do not wish to comply. Even if they do accessing appropriate services is not always easy. If you need information on local services I suggest you contact Stop it Now UK ( for advice.
Question - Why are sex offenders and paedophile sentences so short?
Section 142 of the of the Criminal Justice Act 2003 sets out five purposes of sentencing, to which any court dealing with an offender must have regard:
- the punishment of offenders
- the reduction of crime (including its reduction by deterrence)
- the reform and rehabilitation of offenders
- the protection of the public
- the making of reparation by offenders to persons affected by their offences
The Sentencing Council has stated that “the Criminal Justice Act 2003 does not indicate that any one purpose should be treated as more or less important as another. In an individual case, any or all of the purposes may be relevant to a certain degree and it will be for the judge or magistrate to decide how they apply.
Question - Can an offender by 'cured'?
Sexual offending risk can be reduced. It is not an illness to be cured. Not all sex offenders are at risk of re-offending. This needs to be ascertained on a case by case assessment.
Question - Does 'treatment' for offenders work or have positive outcomes?
Yes in many cases they do. For further information on this I refer you to a review of Sex Offender Treatment Programmes by Derek Perkins (1998) and other articles written by him on this subject
Question - As a social worker with children in long term care. I am so frustrated with the lack of therapeutic work available for children have been sexually abused. Let alone a therapist who can work the arts.
I could not agree more. A recent report by the NSPCC evaluating the availability of therapeutic services for children who have been sexually abused indicates that the there is a significant gap in therapeutic services. I refer you to the NSPCC website where you can view or download this report ( )