LP Doc Talk
Becky Curran, Motivational Speaker, LPA Member
Topic: Dwarfism, school and bullying
December 9, 2015
Audio recording:
Moderator: Welcome to part two of the fifth episode of Growing Stronger’s LP DocTalk. Today we're speaking with Becky Curran, a motivational speaker who has graciously donated her time to share her expertise on the topics of school and bullying in relation to little people. Becky will be answering questions that were submitted online by the LP community. If you would like to submit your own question, you can do so by going online to and clicking on the LP Doc Talk tab. You will also have the opportunity to ask questions today at the end of this session. We hope you find this information useful and relevant and we thank you so much for listening and supporting Growing Stronger.
Born a little person in Boston, Massachusetts, Becky Curran holds a marketing degree from Providence College, has work for one of Hollywood’s top talent agencies and at CBS television studios where she assisted with the casting of pilotsand television series. Curran also served as the marketing director and cofounding board member of the CatalinaFilm Festival. A prolific public speaker, Curran has spoken for groups throughout the United States and Kenya, encouraging people to change their initial perceptions of people with physical differences. She currently resides in New York City where she serves as President of the Little People of America, New York City METSchapter, serving members in all five boroughs of New York City. To learn more about Becky's speaking engagements, visit her site online at BeckyMotivates.com. Thank you, Becky, for being here. We really appreciate you being with us today and look forward to the information you have to share. So if you're ready, you may begin.
Becky Curran: Thank you so much, Stacy. I’m really excited to be here because I know it’s really hard to gauge the perception of dwarfism in the media because that affects how we’re treated in the society. It’s really important for people with dwarfism to feel like included members of society and most parents, 80% of little people are born to average height parents, and for the first time they see little person is in TV and on screen before they had their child, and I really strive to set that example by being my best self, so I can help set an example for the future of other little people, and hopefully we can get rid of the word ‘bullying’ and that it never exists again. So I’ll get started with the questions. I’m very thankful that people sent in some really excellent questions that are applicable to what people are going through now and what the struggles are and how we could overcome them.
So the first question is, “How would you explain dwarfism to a class of elementary school versus middle school versus high school students?” Since I have spoken over the past few years at all three places, I would just say that in elementary school it’s trying to break it down into simple portions so that people can understand just that it’s okay to be different. A lot of times when I’m speaking at the elementary school level, I’ll just share stories of things I do in everyday life and bring some normalcy to the table and then I get them to ask me questions whether it’s, “where do I go in vacation, do I play sports,” and just starting a dialogue so they understand that we’re really just another person, we just happen to be on a shorter side. And in elementary school, if it’s regarding the student who’s entering elementary school, most likely for the beginning at least, a lot of the kids are just around the same height, so the questions come just out of curiosity why they look a little bit different, but you can bring some normalcy into it by just showing how you do your everyday things and sometimes in your school. What was really helpful for me when I was growing up in elementary school, I did have a book that I brought to the different schools, also it’s called Think Big and it had a little person and it showed her going through school, walking around the community with students. I really felt normalized and just got each of my classes to understand that I just want to be included and be a part of the class and the best they can do is treat me the same as anyone else. As far as the middle school goes that is when everyone starts growing a little taller and it is a struggle trying to fit in, trying to find your balance. A lot time of times or sometimes when in elementary school and then they join with other towns to go to middle school. And there are some struggles there because some of these new people had never been exposed to this little person who’s entering into that middle school. So I would say that’s definitely a perfect example of where it really makes the most sense when I do come and then speak at those middle school levels because it allows people to ask me tough questions so the child doesn’t have to answer them on their own. Whenever I go and speak at schools I never point someone out in the audience I allow them to ask me questions if they want, but they’re just a part of the community and that’s to set an example that just want to be a part of the community, and it’s okay to ask questions and be curious, but not make assumptions and make fun of people because that’s when the bullying really starts. And then high school, I would say, for me, I would think that bullying happens in elementary or middle school the most than high school; people start growing up. But for me, it was an emotional time in high school because a lot of my girl friends who I had grown up with throughout school had been interested in dating guys and they just didn’t think that I could be around, they started thinking that I would be embarrassing to have around. It was really unfortunate because I knew how to interact guys, I grew up sailing in a different town and then I was around them all the time and that was what felt like the most bullying to me, so I think it’s important to just feel included and voice your opinions if you’re feeling left out early on so that people can understand that their, unintentionally or intentionally, leaving you out. It’s also important to find the common ground; find out where you stand with people so there are no secrets. And I feel like I learned from that experience and there are going to be times you’re going to have to let your child fall and then go get stronger; they’ll pick right back up, hopefully. And you’ve got to just let them talk to you about; it if they don’t feel like talking about it to you, just let them find the time that’s right for them to discuss it. But if they’re feeling bummed out when they come home, as people weren’t accepting, I think it’s important for you to just ask them if they’re okay and let them know that there’s always an open line of communication if they choose to use it.
So going to the next question, “If my child is being bullied, should I confront the other parents first or go directly to the school?” I think the situation is to talk to your child first, see what they would want to be done, because they’re the best judge of themselves.And if they think that it’s uncomfortable to confront the other parents first because then their child is going to come after you and be even more of a bully, that maybe the second approach. And if you go directly to the school, you also have to know that part of that may include the school talking to the student and unfortunately your child could still be singled out because the school’s going to say you need to stop from bullying and it’s clear that they know which person even without saying the person. So try to figure how out to foster a safe environment after the situation’s confronted, and really maybe think about a mediation where if you do go to the school find a way for both families to sit down together and talk things out and hopefully that can help with the improvements because it starts from the parents saying that, “We’re not going to tolerate this,” especially in front of the school. It will set an example of how they need to change the way their child acts, towards a positive way.
Now, “How do you handle exclusions which maybe isn’t intended to be bullying but hurtful nonetheless?” I think what I was saying about when I was in eleventh grade and I felt really excluded, I think it’s important to speak up because maybe there were times where I just internalized it and it made me hurt so much more inside because I was being left out. But if I had, it’s hard to gain courage to do this, but get a group of friends together who had been my friends since preschool and just sat down with them and said, “You know this is unfair; we all grew up together, we were all friends growing up together, and we will continue to be friends for a very long time, but I’m feeling left out and I really think it would be important for you to make me feel more included and not that I can’t interact with other people just because they are the opposite gender.” I think it’s just important to confront the situation, as hard as it is, and it has taken me a long time to really get the backbone to be able to do it because I think it’s doing it for the kids, knowing I watched that they get hurt and they get bullied and it’s not acceptable. So we are more of service to others if we can stand up for ourselves and really voice it as soon as we feel it’s happening; just like if you start to feel a pain in your arms or legs or a headache, you want to look a little deeper into it, you want to tell the doctor if something’s bothering you. You need to be your best advocate, and voice your opinion. And even if it’s not right away voicing how you’re feeling to the group who’s doing it but maybe people around that group, people who you can trust and confine it, who can then help you approach the situation when it comes to confronting the people who are excluding you in the most comfortable way possible.
The next question is,“How do you handle when your child is planning on competitive sports activities in high school (varsity football, baseball, basketball and competitive cheer/dance team, etc) but you know they won’t be physically able to compete on that level and they haven’t realize that yet? Do you just let it go or give them the reality check and tell them there’s a big chance they won’t make the team?” That’s a really tough one. I grew up playing soccer, I was on the swim team through high school and I was on youth soccer through high school and I did some skiing and then sailing for about ten years. With those sports, well soccer, I knew that I wasn’t going to play for the high school team and that I kind of came to the terms with that pretty early on. And when it came to swimming, one thing they did that was really helpful, just so I could compete on the same level as a lot of my peers, this was before I made it to the high school level back when I was doing itwith them, sometimes when we would have races and it would be 50 yard race, they would have me do 25 yards so I would be at the same level as everyone and there were opportunities for me to come in first because I was able to do a shorter distance in order to play on everyone else’s level, or swim on everyone else’s level. So I think what’s important is having a conversation early on and talk to your child about the best approach to take when it comes to exploring activities that they really love and then hopefully that’ll lead to them really understanding the reality that being on a varsity team isn’t going to be the best reality to expect, but you can at least strive to go to practice and be a part of a group and find a way to be part of the team without necessarily having to compete on the highest level. There’s even options of juniorvarsities and maybe that’s a realistic goal. I think it’s having those conversations and talking to the athletic directors at the school as soon as possible when your child becomes interested in a particular sport. And really encourage them to practice, even if they’re practicing outside of being on a varsity team, as long as they continue to hone that skill that they’re really passionate about, at the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter what level they’re playing at, because the only person you should be competing against, in general, is your own way of doing things, your own athletic ability and then of course, people competing against others, but get them to really feel comfortable with what they are passionate about, what they want to pursue, and then talk to them aboutthe realities of being on a varsity team. I even think just even having those doctor visits, growing up, there were a lot of things that the doctor said you should be careful when doing certain things, so make sure your child is included in those conversations just so they are aware what is realistic and what isn’t the best decision. Because I can think about a competitive cheer/dance team, well, if they’re lifting people up and doing different cheers, sometimes that could be risky, because a lot of little people do face the fear of getting picked up,and as a little person people think we must be light as a little, but sometimes that’s not really the case. So we just have to watch out for ourselves and listen to our bodies. So if you’re ever hurting, you want to make sure you address it early, especially if you’re playing in this highly competitive sports.
The next question is “Do you have any great comeback lines that young kids can use when offensive things are said to them?” That’s funny. That’s a great one. I think a lot of things are putting people in shock when they are reacting and making comments. Most times when I’m walking around New York City, a lot of people are making comments and I don’t even respond. Sometimes people feel worse if you don’t respond because they’re expecting a reaction. But I would say, just be comfortable with yourselves and if someone says something just say, “So why does that matter? Or I was born this way.” There’s nothing to be sad about. Ask them a question about something that may be uncomfortable for them. Try to get them to understand that you want them to feel like they are in your shoes. Turn it around and be like, “How would you like it if someone made fun of you that way?” And just get them to understand that it’s not acceptable. So you can say it even quick things like, “That was rude,” or “It doesn’t matter that I’m different, I’m not upset about it.” So just quick, like, show people who you are and be proud of who you are and don’t let that barrier come down and let people’s comments get to you because it’s really something that an insecurity inside of them. They’re uncomfortable with their own selves which makes them project it on to you. And they automatically assume because you’re different you’re uncomfortable, but you need to show them your pride and how much you can contribute.
The next question is,“How do you handle when your child comes home upset because his friends are leaving him on the playground because he can’t keep up and he’s feeling left out. And they’re probably not doing it intentionally but what would you suggest that isn’t just his mom or dad fighting his battles for him?” I think it’s definitely having that conversation once again with your child, making sure that they want you to handle these battles in certain ways because that is probably a struggle for them watching you fight these battles and then they have to still face these children in school the next day. So it’s always important to have that initial conversation with your child about how they think something or want something to be handled. And I think it’s worth having a child speak up to his friends about it and why it’s bothering him and why it’s not fair. And it’s not fair for anyone to feel left out. So maybe they could pick an activity that’s a little less rigorous. Something that they can all do together maybe just hanging out in the grass and doing something that would make everyone feel more included. But I think it’s also talking to the teacher early on; meet with the teacher before the students starts the school year. And even if this is one year going into the next, make sure you have people understand that your child is feeling left out and see if the teacher can foster an environment where they feel more included. One thing that really worked well for me growing up, is that I have friend who was my classmate from preschool to 7th grade, and it helped because I felt more included because when she would make friends, I would become friends with those people as well and then it was easier to have allies, and there were some people who ran ahead, but there were also people who waited up for me. And I think it’s important to try to find that ally. Once your child feels comfortable standing up for themselves, it’s always nice to have an ally that can be there for them and look out for those moments that they know this child would be bothered by because they’re feeling left out in one way or another. So I think in general, early on, there should be at least one ally in the school that your child can rely on or go to just to talk to and hopefully that one ally isn’t the type of person that would leave them behind on the playground.