P
A
C
NP
CP
AC
FC
The Roots of Emotional Eating: Transactional Analysis
Margaret Graham, January 7, 2009
Ego States
(also called Voices, States of Mind, or Modes of Communication)
· Parent: thoughts, feelings and behaviors learned from parents and authority figures
o Nurturing Parent: caretaking (sometimes with pure affection, sometimes with the message that you can’t do it yourself), concerned, forgiving, permissive, worried, warmly protective, reassuring
o Critical (sometimes called Controlling) Parent: should, finger pointing, judgment (both personal and cultural), opinionated, powerful, strongly protective, principled, punitive, demanding
· Adult: lives in the here and now with present moment awareness and experiences, processes data, making assessments and estimating probabilities – like a computer, accurate information must be provided for smooth functioning, combines intuition and logic
· Child: thoughts, feelings and behaviors replayed from childhood
o Free (also called Natural) Child: experiments, embraces spontaneity, allows for visioning/what’s possible, expresses curiosity and creativity
o Adapted (sometimes called Not Ok) Child: yearns for approval, but also rebels – ultimately, seeks payoff from adults (through attention – positive or negative), manifests as helpful, hurtful or helpless
CP / NP / A / FC / ACWords / bad
should
must
always
ridiculous / good
nice
I love you
cute / correct
how
what
why
practical / wow!
fun
want
won’t
ouch / can’t
wish
try
hope
please
Voice / critical
condescending
disgusted
firm / loving
comforting
concerned
sugary / even
precise
monotone / free
loud
energetic
happy / whiney
defiant
placating
demanding
Gesture or Expression / pointing
frowning
angry / open arms
accepting
smiling / thoughtful
alert
open / uninhibited
loose
spontaneous / pouting
sad
innocent
Posture / shoulders up
hands on hips / leaning forward / standing straight / loose
relaxed / collapsed
closed
tight
Attitude / judgmental
moralistic
authoritarian / understanding
caring
giving / interested
observant
evaluative / curious
fun-loving
changeable / demanding
compliant
ashamed
From TA: The Total Handbook of Transactional Analysis by Stan Woollams and Michael Brown
Transactions (between 2 people or as self-talk)
· Complimentary or Parallel: these stick, they can go on and on and on
o Critical Parent: Adapted Child = Diagonal Trench
· Crossed: these force change (either avoidance or shift)
· Undercurrent: subtext – what’s not said out loud, but implied nonverbally (often the true meaning of transaction that looks benign on the surface)
Extra Notes
· The content of a transaction can be exactly the same, but it can come from any ego state. Example: “What’s for dinner?” As an adult, that’s a direct request for information. As a critical parent, it can mean, “You never plan our meals.” As an adapted child, it can mean, “Don’t you care enough about me to make me dinner?”
· The child almost always wins in a parent-child tug-of-war. That’s why most people eventually put weight back on after dieting.
Additional Terms
· Scripts: I can’t handle it. No one loves me. I am a human garbage can.
· Egograms: shift towards your adult and your free child and nurturing parent
Tools
· What ego state am I in?
· What am I feeling right now?
· What pattern am I noticing?
· What tools are available to my adult ego state?
Resources
· YouTube Videos: Theramin Trees and Transactional Analysis (3 videos)
· Mary O’Malley: The Gift of Our Compulsions
· Bob Schwartz: Diets Don’t Work
Future Sessions
· Free, individual counseling sessions with CSU counseling students: http://soe.cahs.colostate.edu/Graduate/MEd/CCD/Talk/Default.aspx
· 10-week group that’s also free, led by Maggie Graham, , 491.1610, beginning in February, meeting over the lunch hour, sign up on the clipboard here or contact me to get more details
Advantages and Disadvantages
Child
Advantages: energy, spontaneity, joy, assertiveness, intuitive, inventive, creative expression, feels and expresses pleasant and joyous emotions
Disadvantages: often feels small and weak, overriding need for safety and strokes often lead to unfortunate adaptions and script decsions
Adult
Advantages: thinks and anlysizes well, understands complex ideas – basic activity beyond the sheer enjoyment of its own functioning is to help the child meet its needs and wants
Disadvantages: when programmed with inadequate or inaccurate info, it performs poorly, computes proabilities badly -- it is comparatively weak and cannot use the information it has to insist something be done
Parent
Advantages: contains a storehouse of useful recordings about how to do things and how to take care of children and other people – unlike the Adult, which has to think about what to do and compute proabilities, the Parent “knows” what to do and does it – its primary function is to protect and support the Child
Disadvantages: often contains antiquated or otherwise harmful information, which is passed on to the Child in the form of destructive messages
Egograms
· It’s a learned behavior to respond from particular ego states at certain times in order to get what we want. Different people tend to spend varying amounts of time and energy in different ego states, and these tendencies are illustrated in an egogram.
· Internal egogram: self-talk
· External egogram: how others perceive us
· Transaction egogram: how you behave in transactions
· General principle is to raise the lower ego states rather than lower the high ones
· It is easier to establish new behaviors than eliminate old ones + it is easier to eliminate an unwanted behavior by establishing a new, incompatible one
What [food] will nourish and delight me
in this moment?
On a scale of 1-10,
how hungry am I
right now?
How does this food taste?
My cue to stop eating is when I am
no longer hungry.
Calories in – calories out
We live in food. Food, to us, is sensuality and texture, kindness and laughter, being alive and in love. Roasted potatoes with sea salt. Cinnamon-walnut scones. Crispy pork belly. Mixed green salads with champagne vinaigrette. Pizza with prosciutto, chanterelle mushrooms, and goat cheese. Fig cookies. Scrambled eggs with truffle salt. Sauted black kale. Shaved fennel with lemon. One crisp apple. –Quote from Gluten Free Girl
What happens if I smash this banana
into my high chair tray?
I just want to veg out here in front of the TV with this bag of chips.
After a day like today,
I deserve this Ben & Jerry’s!
I hate you! You’re so skinny.
I’m so bad.
This pizza is going right to my thighs!
I was so good all day, I’ll just have this cookie as a reward. One more…another….
I can’t trust myself around ice cream.
I just don’t keep it in the house.
I can’t stand to get on this scale.
If I don’t look at the number, it’s not real.
If no one sees me eat this poptart,
it doesn’t count.
I’ll start my diet tomorrow.
My weakness for cheesecake
is a sin.
You won’t have dessert unless you eat up what’s on your plate.
I just need someone to tell me what to eat.
Finish your plate. Think of the starving millions.
How could you let me eat that?
If you want to lose weight,
you just need to have more discipline.
Weight loss is about control, willpower and discipline.
Shame on you! Tempting people with this food is wrong.
After I went to all of this trouble to make these brownies,
of course you’ll have one.
I can’t believe she’s eating that! Look at her!!
If you get this flu shot, we’ll stop for
ice cream on the way home.
I’m so proud of you
for getting straight A’s.
Let’s celebrate with some ice cream.
Oprah 1
Oprah 2
Oprah 3
People 1
Are you interested in a 10-week group on this topic?
It will meet on campus, over the lunch hour beginning the first week of February.