Tips for intimacywith your partner
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How I wrote this document
Books or card decks worth buying
Building trust for physical intimacy
Commitment celebrations
Asian philosophies on intimacy
Very shy people and physical intimacy
Sexual health
Your first time with that partner
Scheduling
Toys
Aids other than toys
Bedroom / weekend-getaway checklist
A three-day intimacy rekindling retreat
Relevant exercises
Incorporating spiritual intimacy
During lovemaking: Communicating
During: Deep breathing & eye-gazing
During: Cultivating & spreading energy
During: Arousal and orgasm
During: Physical touching
Afterwards
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Table of Contents in depth
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How I wrote this document
The intended readers
Deciding what to omit
Books or card decks worth buying
Building trust for physical intimacy
Beforeyour first time with someone
Milestones to pass first
Saying “No” gracefully
Your new mate’s sexual health
Establish touch boundaries
Questions to explore
Discussing past sexual experiences
After the first time and beyond
Saying “No”
Setting appropriate boundaries
Questions to consider on your own
Ways to enrich the discussion
Good questions to ask your mate
Commitment celebrations
Weddings
Greening your wedding
Simplifying it and saving money
Other possibilities
Anniversaries and vow-renewal parties
Asian philosophies on intimacy
The Kama Sutra
Tantra
Taboo breaking
An exercise in breaking patterns
The Taoist approach
Allow 21 yearsto know your mate
Very shy people and physical intimacy
Sexual health
Mutual cleanliness
Her health
Virgin birth alert
Good vaginal pH: yogurt or red wine
Sex when menstruating
Oral sex at this time
If you want to shave
Sex during pregnancy
Think twice about episiotomies
Never go from anus to vulva
His health
Shave before cunnilingus
Improving your ejaculate
Increasing the amount
Improving its taste
Testicular risks
Cancer of the testicles
Testicular trauma
Avoid waterbeds
Skip circumcision for a newborn son
Relevant websites
STD and pregnancy barriers
Little-known HIV facts
Use gear unless fluid-bonded
Becoming fluid-bonded
Condoms for him
Preventing tearing and bursting
Websites about condom knowledge
Expiration dates and storage
A popular latex condom
Don’t mix latex with oil or petroleum
Lambskin and polyurethane
Flavored and edible condoms
Websites for buying condoms
After he ejaculates
For him
For her
Contraceptives for her
The female condom
Spermicide
Cervical caps
Morning-after pills
Timing
Websites and telephone numbers
Oral and manual STD barriers
Fun with un-powdered latex gloves
Latex alternative: Vinyl or nitrile
Finger cots
Dental dams
Sheer Glyde Dams
Cut-open condoms too
Lubricants
Saliva
Oil-based lubes
Petroleum-based lubes
Water-based lubes
Glycerin-based lubes
Silicone-based lubes
Use this for aqua sex
Sex and aging
A book for the ill and disabled
A product for snorers
Flatulence blankets
Sex health websites – in general
First time with a new mate (physically)
Getting naked but without sex
The first intercourse together
Scheduling
While parenting
Establishing longer sessions
Toys
Toy health and maintenance
Avoid products with Phthalates
Good online review guides
Good mail-order options
Dildos
Insertion and use of it
Price and quality
Determining the best size
Cleanliness
Lubrication
Material
The most popular type: Silicone
Dildo accessories
Chin dongs for oral sex
Dildo harnesses
Suction-cup dildos
Vibrators
The best time to use it
Safety, concerns, and pitfalls
When purchasing one
The different types of vibrators
Plug-in vibrators: Coil or wand
Strap-on vibrators
Highly recommended models
Penis rings and penis pumps
Feathers and silk scarves
Blindfolds
Light restraint
Best way to tie legs
Penetration beads
Swings for intercourse
Making an art molding of his penis
Aids other than toys
Picking a good mattress for sex
A lockable storage chest
Tasteful erotica and related poetry
Online tutorials – in general
Fantasies and role-playing
Discussing fantasies
Pitfalls to avoid
Four good guidelines
Whento keep it to yourself
Six common fantasy roles of women
Preparing to enact your fantasy
Sample role scenarios & activities
Make a password for homemade movies
Enlivening the senses
Taste
Consider fasting
Fruits, chocolates, and mints
Drinks
Sounds
Smell: Fragrances and flowers
Essential-oil activity
Sight
In the bedroom
Elsewhere
Within water
Touch
Clothes, bedding, & special furniture
Dancing
Massage
Exercise: Blindfolded sensations
Bedroom / weekend-getaway checklist
3-day intimacy rekindling retreat
Relevant exercises
Conventional exercise
Breathing and meditation exercises
Squat breathing
Breathing with pelvic motion
Breath of Fire (helps delay ejaculation)
Lips, tongue, jaw, and throat
Head rolls
The “Spot” / “Tongue Press”
Releasing upper-body tension
Releasing mouth tension (2 exercises)
Kissing (8 exercises)
Oral sex exercises
Beginner (18 exercises)
Intermediate (10 exercises)
Advanced (10 exercises)
Awakening your spine
The PC muscle
Three ways to find your PC muscle
Basic PC muscle exercise (Kegels)
Visualizing an awakened PC
Just for women
A PC exercise for women
Vaginal exerciser balls
Methods to try for arousal
Duotone balls in particular
Kegel balls in particular
Just for men – A PC exercise
Prostate and uterus strengthening
Energy loops: Solo or for you both as one
Strengthening each’s urethral sphincter
Weight training for the penis
Both of you strengthen anal sphincters
Anal sphincters PC muscle together
Pumping the energy up the spine
For men
For women
Then down the front: (“Inner Smile”)
Now combine it all: The energy loop
Energy grounding
Energy exercises together
“Hands to Heart” activity
“Merging” activity
Incorporating spiritual intimacy
Setting a sacred space and time
Time sacredness
Make time for rituals
10 daily partner rituals to consider
Spiritual intimacy in your bedroom
Keep appliances out of it
Feng shui suggestion
See the divine in your mate & yourself
A Tantric honoring ritual
Honoring the goddess in her
Honoring the god in him
Other suggestions
During lovemaking: Communicating
Overview
Take turns being the session leader
Nonverbal
Watching your partner’s reactions
Signaling
Verbal communication while during it
Exercise: Sharing compliments
Exercise: Stream-of-consciousness
Breaking out of a Victorian shell
Dirty talk, especially for phone sex
Overview
Descriptive phrases
Setting
Clothing details and look
Explicit phrases
Word banks
Sample statements and questions
Adjustments & putting it all together
The finale
During: Deep breathing & eye-gazing
Your inner tranquil island getaway
Breath unison and speed
Eye gazing
Hugging meditation
Easy hugging meditation
Difficult hugging meditation
Just before lovemaking
Candle-gazing compassion
Sharing breaths
Connecting the third eye exercise
Recycling your negative emotions
From the feet
Spine wine
Lying down visualization
Maintaining the fire
Death meditation
Nine Flowers meditation
Breathing exercises during intercourse
Slow-motion meditation
Synchronized breathing
Trespasso
Fingertip ommm
Triple Tuner meditation
Protective circle of light meditation
Lovers' scissors meditation
Spine meditation
During: Building & spreading energy
Maintaining magnetism as a couple
Harmonizing when needed
Her energy moves like water, his, fire
Awakening the valley of the breasts
Energy spreading
For his body
For her body
Working with your sonic energy
Animal sounds
Simple humming
Healing sounds
Whole-body orgasms’ energy loop
Components of the energy cycle
Pushing energy up the spine
He then clears his genital’s leftover energy
Cautions
Press your tongue into the “Spot”
Storing extra energy in the abdomen
Options to add, especially at orgasm
Create a solo energy circuit first
Circle of golden energy meditation
Then make a closed circuit as a couple
Instructions for full-body orgasms
His orgasm has no ejaculation
Variation on energy up the spine
Building energy up in the head
If one person has no energy to play
Using just the mouth and/or hands
Massage
Touching and kissing before sleeping
During: Arousal and orgasm
For both of you
Spotting and dealing with fakers
Simultaneous orgasms
Breathe properly as it approaches
Breath of Fire (Kapalabhati)
The use of visualizations
Orgasms all over your mate’s body
Talking during arousal and orgasm
Assessing your mate’s arousal
Red Light, Green Light
One to Ten (for touch)
Affirming mate or self at climax
Non-verbal: Eye & hand placement
Her arousal and orgasm
Permission and time
Her three orgasm types
Clitoral (vulvic)
Uterine (vaginal)
G-spot (urethral)
Teaching yourself
Breathing
Movement
Visualization
Sex toys
A good website
How he can help her
Be goalless
Her signs of arousal
Appropriately-timed spanks
Once she has orgasmic contractions
Once she comes to a complete stop
How to lead her to her next one
Multiple orgasms
His arousal and orgasm
Erection problems
Erections come and go naturally
Esp. when receptive or passive
7 ways to stiffen erection naturally
How to do a soft entry
Postal-stamp test for impotency
Weak orgasms during intercourse
Ejaculating
Some of the time, not all of the time
“Voluntary delay” versus “control”
Deciding when to delay ejaculation
Specific methods for delaying
Empty your bladder beforehand
Wear a condom – or a thicker one
Do “short-deep” thrusts
The Turtle or Locking method
Switch positions
Chest and butt slap from partner
Full stop for a moment
Contract PC muscle& sphincters
Ring around scrotum & pull away
Vibrate strongly his pubic mound
Spread energy away from penis
Affirmations
Visualizing it
Focus on her
Sound
The tongue press – aka the Spot
Breath of fire (Kapalabhati)
Using solo or joint energy loop
Incremental contact with her
She stimulates penis with stops
Penis near vagina
Coming quickly on purpose
Gradual insertion into vagina
Penis inside with no movement
Penis inside with movement
Different intercourse positions
When to stop if no plans to ejaculate
Times when you should ejaculate
Quickies
How she can help him
His signs
His multiple, non-ejaculatory orgasms
Nourishing, not depleting
The procedure
Metaphor: Cafes on a hiking trail
His inability to lie in saying he loves you within 30seconds after he ejaculates
During: Physical touching
Kissing
Ask how your mate likes to be kissed
Spatial-awareness exercise
First kiss, especially for shy guys
A great online video for this
Specific non-genital areas to kiss
On the upper lip
The tongue (French)
Hair
Ears
Neck and shoulder
Below the neck
Miscellaneous kissing
The erotic nibble or bite
Kiss of the week
Wake-up kisses
Kissing tolls
A free website for kissing tutorials
Foreplay overview, especially for him
Learn to striptease for your mate
Breasts
Sensitivity for hers, especially
Communicating about them
Arousing either one’s breasts
Making spirals on the whole breast
The undersides
The nipples
Massaging the breast with lube
Ask your mate to do breast play
Arouse with not just hands
Whole-body touching other than sex
Mutually blind touching
30-second silent hugs
Cuddling
Givinga non-genital massage
Massage oils and scents
Popular scents
A gently spicy recipe
Warming it
Containers to use
Good websites
Massage strokes
Fingertip awareness exercise
Basic strokes
Effleurage
Kneading
Feathering
Petrissage
Hacking
Tapotement and cupping
Free online video for strokes
Acupressure/Trigger massage
Reiki or “laying on hands”
Recycling your mate’s negativity
When giving a full-body massage
When focusing on certain areas
Face and head
Hands and feet
Foot washing and massage
The legs and buttocks
Contexts for massages
Sensate massage
Massages while bathing
Slip-‘n-slide body-on-body erotic massages (Nuru massage)
Ending the massage
Manual and oral sex in general
Hygiene, skin texture, and lube
Our shared texture
The anatomical parallels
Lubrication
Cleaner than the mouth
Masturbating as a couple
For her
For him
Watching each other
Giving and receiving
Improving the taste of your genitals
When receiving, keep mouth open
Get rid of stray pubic hairs
No keeping score
Making the tongue tip hard or soft
Genital massage
Reflexology for the genitals
Giving her manual and oral sex
Her biology down there
Mons pubis / veneris (pubic mound)
G-spot (Clitoral cluster, periurethral sponge)
The labia majora (the outer lips)
The front commissure
The labia minora (inner lips)
The clitoris
The head (the glans)
The hood
The shaft
The legs (crura)
U-spot (Paraurethral or Skene’s gland)
The frenulum
The fourchette
The perineum
Talking about it
His three most important assurances
Her dislikes and fears
Of her body
Of being dirty
If she is simply shy
Show him what you like best
Encourage her to guide you
…with her hand
…with her hips
Does she like any certain toys?
Ask her before entering
Go slowly to build trust
Questions to ask
The “O” word
If it stops being fun
Health
Bathing
Bodily injury risk in the shower
Virgin birth alert
When she is pregnant
Health for him
Facial hair
Nails
Don’t brush or floss beforehand
Tongue and jaw cramps
Tendonitis concerns
Lube
His saliva and where it goes
Sip wine to help vagina’s pH level
Avoid air embolisms
How she can help
His attitude and mindfulness
Lingerie
Blindfolding her
Pain: Clips, clamps, bites, & spanks
Directly applying a new temperature
Movement, rhythm, and pressure
Maintain movement if she likes it
Positioning her body for oral sex
Her legs when she’s close to orgasm
Positioning his body
The classic position
Flapping legs
Flapping legs while he sits
69 – just a novelty act
The 6
The pleasure plank
The yoga bridge
Doggie-style
One extended leg
Seated
Captured tortoise
Kivin method (Sideways position)
Brunch (or “Sit on my face”)
Options for bodies in same position
The lubed foot
Up against the wall
She may want intercourse for orgasm
Relevant websites
For giving her any aspect of oral sex
Vary your mouth’s temperature
Breath mints
Incorporate a sex toy
Include the rest of her body
Post-coital cunnilingus
A good cunnilingus film director
Great free online instructional video
Outer vulva stimulation but no clitoris
Manual only
Acupressure trigger points here
Massage stroke strategies
Her pubic bone as a perch
Hand over hand
Massaging the labia
Circling the vulva
Thumbs on the frenulum
Seal the opening
Oral and manual – outer, no clitoris
Blowing and exhaling
First kisses and licks in a session
Hand and jaw positioning
Licking the labia
Licking inside the labia minora
If you want to write the alphabet
Sucking the vulva
Specific types of licks
Circling lollipop
Ice-cream cone
Jackson Pollack
Georges Seurat
Muhammad Ali
Shadow finger
His gum pressure, her movement
Top-down
Bottom-up
Vagina, but no G-spot stimulation
Circle finger w/pressure: The Slinky
Down & away with straight fingers
Come-hither curls
Helping thumb on the outside
Perineal pinch
Tongue penetration
Clitoral – glans, hood, shaft and crura
Manual
Cupping the whole vulva
Rubbing and lifting grains of salt
Using her labia to roll her shaft
Strokes on the hood itself
He presses firmly & she moves
Pressure inwards
Pressure outwards
A (hairy) arm as a long feather
Healing massage for clitoral hood
Online tutorial for this:
Oral
Does she have a favorite side?
Sucking / suction
The light flick
The viscous twirl
Blowing / exhaling on it
Licking / tongue stroking
Horizontal strokes
Diagonal strokes
The lily pad
In conjunction with a vibrator
Include other areas
Come-hither clasp / mons pubis-pressure/ licking combo
Pumping the clitoris
Wet clitoris head slowly meets wet penis head
Her clitoral orgasm
Bringing her to the brink
At the brink: Strategic delay
Variations
Shrinking increments of delay
Skipping one
Half licks and not full ones
Teasing, withholding, and provoking
At the brink: Calm and steady
During her orgasm: Stimulate
Elevate it
Afterwards: Fragile
For multiple orgasms
The G-spot
Anatomy
What’s needed for you to ejaculate
Attitudes linked to your success
Ejaculation visualization
Fears & trauma, including sexabuse
PC muscle-- G-spot connection
His role
Emotional and mental
Giving a G-spot healing massage
If she feels nothing
If she feels pain
If a painful area grows very hot
If she feels pleasure
If she feels wild emotions
Ending it
G-spot massage with your penis
Ingesting her ejaculate
Special toys and sheet liners
The best positions for ejaculating
Hand motions for either person
Milking the pods or the nodules
Ejaculation rockets
Pushing through the urge to pee
Troubleshooting
If nothing is felt
If you pee more than ejaculate