BADLY DRAWN ROY - DIALOGUE
CAPTION: Crumlin, Dublin
NARRATOR
This is Crumlin, a densely populated suburb of Dublin, a community not unlike any other working class area in modern Ireland. But it was here in 1972 that the first Irish animated baby was born, into an ordinary ‘Live Action’ family.
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CAPTION: MAURA SHANNON ROY'S MOTHER
INTERVIEWER
So what was your initial reaction when the nurse told you that it was a cartoon baby?
MOTHER
Aw, I couldn't believe it. I got an awful shock, because I never heard of a cartoon baby being born. anywhere ever, let alone here in Ireland. Here I was, I thought she was making it up. But - I - she brought the baby over to me after a while, she brought him in and sure enough not only was he a cartoon baby... but he was very badly drawn. God help him. I know cartoons are supposed to be funny, but I wasn't laughing.
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CAPTION: DERMOTSHANNON ROY'S FATHER
FATHER V/O
Oh he's a bit different all right, you know yeah especially with the three fingers and the first thing that popped into my head in the hospital was he didn’t look like me. I thought maybe they gave us the wrong baby. I thought the stork was having a laugh. And I suppose for a long time I had my suspicions.
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MOTHER
Ah he was a born entertainer, naturally gifted in that area. He immediately lit up a room. Sure he had the doctors and nurses and stitches laughing.
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INTERVIEWER V/O
Was there a family resemblance?
FATHER
Ah there was, yeah. On the mothers side.
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BROTHER
Em different? I wouldn’t say it was that different, no. Just kind of weird, a lot of people think that’s weird. But em, the only things that I can remember that were different was like, because we shared the same room em the two boys in the same bedroom, he em, he’d nod off to sleep first and I couldn’t get asleep because there was kind of a humming noise and when you'd look over at him there'd be Zzz’s coming out his mouth and kind of banging off of the ceiling and stuff. So other than that like he was great craic to grow up with, nothing different really you know.
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NARRATOR
Roy has intentionally remained anonymous to the world at large. This is the first time Roy has agreed to be interviewed on film.
INTERVIEWER
Are you happy with your outward appearance or are there some things that you’d like to change about yourself?
ROY
Well, I don’t think anybody really likes looking at themselves in the mirror…but I mean what is the story with this? Like that’s twice the size of that. And I wouldn’t say I’m a hundred percent happy with the shape of my head…and then I suppose there's me eyes like I'd them to be the same size... But I mean you could go on and on but I read somewhere that even Brad Pitt hates his feet
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NARRATOR: V/O
The Clean-up Process
In order to explain Roy’s predicament it is necessary to understand the clean-up process. Like Roy, animated characters are drawn in rough, scratchy lines. Then these animator’s drawings are passed on to a series of other artists for completion. The system varies from studio to studio, but common to most are breakdown and in-between. And the final pencil process in the life of an animated character is known as the ‘Clean Up’ stage.
Clean-Up is a costly stage, where the initial rough drawing is traced over to create one clean line. It is at this point in production that confusing details are verified and final line decisions are made so that the ink and paint process can commence.
ANIMATED CHARACTER
Wayhey. Wahhey. Humming a song.
NARRATOR V/O
Rarely are animated characters allowed on screen without going through this rigorous process. Roy has never been cleaned up.
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MOTHER
I do think clean-up's a problem for Roy. But that's not the half of it. He goes round acting all full of confidence and that’s all false, that’s just a show he puts on for his friends. I worry about him. I’d like him to find out who he is, and what’s in his heart, like he’s a born entertainer, that’s what he does best, he goes around everyone thinks he's real full of confidence, but deep down he is very insecure
I’m his mother, I know Roy and underneath he is very vulnerable.
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INTERVIEWER
So Roy, what was it like growing up as an animated character in the ‘real world’?
ROY
Well real world, like it depends on the individual’s perception of ‘Real’. Like it really annoys me the way that like live action humans, they kind of think they’ve some kind of monopoly on ‘Real’.
INTERVIEWER
Sorry, Let me rephrase that
ROY
Ah no no you're grand. Don't worry about it.
Eh, I had a great childhood, never really had any hassle at all. I suppose like that'd be mainly due to the fact that my Ma and Da didn't treat me different to the rest of the kids in the house like, like she'd always say like, yis are all very special, like in your own way and all, and she wouldn't kinda differentiate between me and my brothers and sisters. But em I do remember like I'd be looking at me brother and my sisters and I'd be kind of saying they kind of look you know normal and all to me like and I'd be looking at myself in the mirror and think, Jaysus… I’d say … if they’re special, I must be MAD special!
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ROY V/O
Yeah school was great for me, you know, making the kids laugh like
I really enjoyed it, like em, doing the old favourites like painting tunnels on walls, and cutting through ceilings with like a saw, you know?
But em anything like to make the day go faster for the kids like. It was brilliant.
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MOTHER
Ah Roy loved school. All the kids adored him.
He used to make them all laugh. Doing the cartoon tricks, you know all the things that happened on the Telly
They had a great time in school. I haven’t seen him doing any of them now since he left school
I think life knocked all the fun out of him, sort of.
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INTERVIEWER
So do you think Roy’ll do any tricks for us?
MOTHER
That’s an idea – if you asked him would he do a few of those cartoon tricks – yeah he just might do them for ya. Like the old times. He’s very good at them.
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INTERVIEWER
Come here, Your mother tells me you can do all the classic cartoon tricks?
ROY
Yeah, I don’t really like doing them you know – it’s a bit “Ooo look at me, you know I’m funny” but eh, yeah, I can do them, alright.
INTERVIEWER V/O
Do you think you can you give us an example of one ‘cause that would really help the film?
ROY
Yeah, yeah, no bother. Hold on a second. Watch this.
Can you see me?
INTERVIEWER
No.
ROY
Can you see me?
INTERVIEWER
No.
ROY
Can you see me now?
INTERVIEWER
No.
ROY
One more. I’ll do one more for you.
INTERVIEWER
Right
ROY
See if you know who made this one famous. Beep. Beep.
V/O COUGHS
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CAPTION: RUTH KAVANAGH – ROY’S EX-GIRLFRIEND
INTERVIEWER
So, when did you first realise that Roy was attracted to you?
RUTH
Well, em, the first time was when I was walking down the street with my friends.
Em, I saw him across the way with his friends
and em, his eyes just popped out the first time he saw me.
And it was really sweet because his heart just started thumping out of his chest.
So, his friends started laughing at him and kind of slagging him.
So I just called him over and I just found it really sweet.
And that was pretty much how we first met. He was really romantic. He did the sweetest things but as far as taking it to another level - We couldn’t really because he doesn’t actually have…
Those trousers are part of him, so we couldn’t have that sort of the a relationship.
But it was fantastic and we’re still really good friends.
And I do hope he gets like an animated girlfriend. That would be really sweet.
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FATHER
People think that we’re very hard on Roy. We’re only doing the best we can for him.
He’s doing these odd jobs just to suit us but we don’t want that.
We want him to be happy. Anyway, he’s not taking them jobs seriously.
Everything is a joke to him.
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INTERVIEWER V/O
Did you ever have a job?
ROY
Yeah I did, had loads of Jobs.
The first job I ever had,was eh, would have been on the milk. That went sour.
Then I got a job in the circus, but I had to leave that after a couple of weeks.
The boss was a clown.
Then I was a coalman – got the sack!
I was a potter – got fired.
I was a bridge builder – got suspended
Then I was working as a climbing instructor – was let go.
Let me see…lumberjack…
INTERVIEWER
I suppose you were axed?
ROY
No, go the chop.
Then I was a mathematician – that didn’t work out.
I worked in a balloon factory there – they went bang!
Then I also worked in another factory then making bras for women.
INTERVIEWER
I suppose they went bust. Did it?
ROY
No, no.I don’t think so. I just left it. Pain in me tits with it.
No, seriously, I had no luck with jobs.
None whatsoever. And it’s not for the want of trying mind you.
Like at this stage, I'd say I've done more bleedin' interviews than Pat Kenny and Jay Leno put together.
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CAPTION: RAY COOLING - ROY’S BEST FRIEND
RAY
Well like, we’re hanging around together like since we were kids like. You know like, since we were four or five, like, you know?
We’ve been together through thick and think, you know. He is my best friend, like you know.
He was even best man at me wedding, like, you know?
The photographs were bad, like you know like. It’s terrible having a cartoon character in your photographs, like you know like.
The wedding album looked more like the Beano.
INTERVIEWER V/O
You’d do anything for him?
RAY
Oh, I would, I would. He’s done a lot of things for me.
And I’d do anything for him. I’d do anything for him. He’s my best mate, as I say, you know?
INTERVIEWER V/O
So, as an employer, would you give him a job?
RAY
No.
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INTERVIEWER V/O
Do you have any pastimes or hobbies?
ROY
I love Chess.
I love playing Chess. It keeps the mind sharp.
RAY
Let’s be having you. Make this a quick one now right?
RAY V/O
Yeah meself and Roy play chess alot, you know.
He’s quite good at chess. He’s quite good at a lot of games, really.
The only problem I find with Roy is, I wish he’d take his jobs more serious like.
There were are like, playing chess.
The next morning, he has a big big interview with his animation agent
And sure look at the state of him?
He looks bad enough like, without staying up all night, playing chess.
I suppose, if it wasn’t chess, it probably be bleedin' snakes and ladders, or ludo or something
RAY
Lookit Roy, I have to go to work. That’s it. I’m going. I’m sick of it now. I’m going.
ROY
You’re lucky you have a job.
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CAPTION: JOHN RICE - ANIMATION AGENT
JOHN
Come in...... Roy,
ROY
How are you doing sir?
JOHN
Good. Good to see you. Have a seat.
I haven’t got too much time, Roy.
ROY
Yeah, well I’ll cut straight to it. I was just seeing had you got any work at all coming my way?
JOHN
No, not since we last spoke.
Doesn’t look like you’ve done a whole pile with yourself since em since eh since last we met two weeks ago. Was it?
And you haven’t done up that file with your CV either?
ROY
Well, I have lost weight now I don’t know whether you noticed that so. I haven’t gone and got the whole face lift.
JOHN
No
ROY V/O
No, is there really a need to do that, do you think?
JOHN
There is if you want to make it in film, in animated films, Roy. There absolutely is.
You know everybody gets work done.
ROY
I was thinking that
JOHN
Sorry Roy.
ROY
You know for different kinds of like.
JOHN
Sorry Roy. Hello, O Right. Jesus, its that time. Em. Just a second.
Roy. I’m sorry I’ve got a . My mother eh is on the phone..
ROY
Sure I’ll probably drop into you tomorrow, then
JOHN
Yeah, It’s my mother’s birthday, so I’ll be away for a while…two months I’d say.
ROY
Well sure, I’ll give you a ring sure.
JOHN
Yeah, do that.
ROY
Thanks anyway. Thanks for fucking nothing.
JOHN
Yeah, thanks for ringing.
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INTERVIEWER
So, is there any hope for Roy?
JOHN
Not much. Unless he sorts himself out, you know? He’s an ugly character
And today’s audience wants to see beautiful, aesthetically pleasing characters., You know.
He’s inconsistent, he lacks any colour. He squelches. He morphs. He’s oversized.
He’s not in the least bit cute but he can address those problems. You know?
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ROY
Put the best jobs in the window. They’re all poxy jobs.
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MOTHER
Roy, you were to go down to the job centre today. Did you go?
ROY
I went down.
MOTHER
And what happened?
ROY
There’s nothing down there.
MOTHER
Well, you’re not going to get anything looking at cartoons. You could look somewhere else.
ROY
Ma I went down. What do you want me to do?
Ma, I’m trying to watch this.
MOTHER
Well you could go looking at another few places..Ah, for God’s sake. Here, I’m turning that off.
You won’t get anything watching cartoons.
He’s always had us in knots of laughing here until the last year or so
, he’s going around, doesn't know whether... He’s cranky and it’s not like him at all.
So, I think he should save up a few bob. Go off to Hollwood.
Get himself cleaned up properly. And he’llcan get loads of work. He’d be happy and we’d be happy. And I’d love to see him finally settle but he'll have to get a move on.
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FATHER
You know Roy, your mother is going mad, you sitting around the house all day
ROY
I'm not sitting around, I was down the Job Centre today. You seen me going down.
FATHER
Yeah
ROY
Yeah well what do you want me to do.? Do you want me to go down twice or three times a day. The jobs don't come up every hour.
FATHER
No, it might just happen it’d come up
ROY
They're all shite jobs down there
FATHER
So what, it's a start isn't it?
ROY
Yeah well I’m sick doing shite jobs
FATHER
Oh you're sick doing shite jobs yeah? So you'd rather stay here and do nothing.
Well, what are you doing now?
ROY
Well what are you doing now?
FATHER
I'm retired, right?
ROY
It's well for ya
FATHER
I know it's well for me, yes, but I've done me life's work. Right. You, about time, either that or get out right?
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INTERVIEWER V/O
It's obviously having a big effect on the family
FATHER
It is, definitely yeah, we're all going blinking crazy. It's all right, he's funny in school or wherever else he goes, but it's not funny looking at him all the time.
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NARRATOR
Over the following number of weeks Roy became despondent and detached from family life. In the end, Roy became illusive and when eventually tracked down in one of Crumlin's drinking establishments, he refused to interviewed on camera.
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INTERVIEWER
Roy Roy Roy, could we just get a quick word
ROY
FUCK OFF
INTERVIEWER
Roy Roy Roy...Ah Roy please. Roy Roy.
... Can't use that
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NARRATOR V/O
In interviews conducted off camera Roy confessed, that the stress he was causing his family was becoming too great a burden for him. Roy eventually agreed to seek professional help. The Joke just wasn't funny anymore
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INTERVIEWER V/O
Em, What are you doing there??
BROTHER
Eh, just, eh we knocked up these eh posters, just lashed them out, basically we're trying to get Roy while he's in rehab recovering, you know the chance to get himself over to Hollywood for him to be cleaned up properly. Which hopefully should present him with some real opportunities in the film industry. Pretty much the whole of the family and friends have been organising collections and pub quizzes and sponsored nights, and the response from the local community has been amazing, and the shops and the pubs have been great at allowing us to advertise – well, most of them have anyway.
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CAPTION - Three Months Later
ROY
After Rehab, I was a bit apprehensive about leaving the house, but then em me confidence grew like over the weeks and I started going out you know, and taking the dog for a walk and all. Like even going into town, like that's something like that I would have never dreamt of doing. But i go into town now, regularly with me brother Al, and people, like it feels a bit uncomfortable, because people do stare at ya, and some people laugh and make jokes and all. But I don't really mind that so much now like, I can put up with that, because I know that, I'm going to make a go of it this time, I'm going to go to Hollywood get cleaned up and hopefully you know become a star.