Being in the dating world is difficult. No matter how old you are, if you put effort into dating, it takes a lot of time, energy, patience, and self-esteem. It takes time to find someone. It takes energy to get a conversation going. It takes patience to determine if this person is someone you like, and would like to know more. It takes self-esteem to deal with potential dates that reject you. Given all the above issues, it’s hard to imagine how anyone gets together!
In the midst of all the information you take in when you meet someone, it can be daunting and stressful to maintain an interesting conversation. Your anxiety about your attractiveness may creep up and interfere with your ability to be charming. You may feel what you have to say won’t keep the other person’s attention. Your attraction to him or her may distract you. Whatever the reason, holding up your end of a conversation may be challenging. Here are some pointers to keeping the dialogue going, while your mind is awhirl.
Pay attention. This means actively attend – maintain eye contact, nod at appropriate times, hold your body in an open and relaxed position, towards the person. All of this communicates that you are present and interested.
Listen. Really listen. Think about what he or she is saying to you, as it is being said. Stay on top of a wandering mind so that you remember details for later questions or comments.
Don’t interrupt. You may hear something that excites you and want to share that you have something in common, or know something impressive. But wait until he or she is finished. You don’t know how an interruption will be received. For this new person, it could communicate that you don’t value what he or she is saying, and be a turn off.
Ask follow up questions. Someone who listens well and remembers what is said can ask good follow-up questions. Did he talk about a bad experience with a boss? Ask how it resolved. Is she part of a big family? Ask her if she’s the oldest or youngest. Your new prospect will feel interesting, and that is attractive.
At a loss? Ask! If your nerves get the best of you and there is an awkward lull in the conversation, nothing cures this better than a question. People generally love to talk about themselves, and if you can ask suitable questions, you can always keep the discussion going.
Think through answers to certain questions. Another issue that crops up while talking to a new person is how to answer certain questions. For instance, have you had significant health problems? Have you been married and aren’t ready to talk about why it didn’t work out? Are there any embarrassing or very private circumstances that are inappropriate to share with a stranger? Give some thought to these issues before you are out meeting people, and consider how you might account for these experiences if it came up. If you have a nonconventional past, you may want to practice some responses ahead of time so you’ll be ready if asked.
Tell yourself you are interesting. Sometimes, people have a hard time maintaining the dialogue because they fear they’ll bore the other person. If you have this concern, ask yourself, “What does my best friend like about me?” and actually answer the question. Think through your many qualities and stories that another person would love to hear about. Do this before your date or encounter so you won’t have to do this when you’re feeling insecure.
Follow these guidelines, and you will be more confident in meeting someone new.